Out With The Old

And in with the new.

NYEBoy and I have been talking about getting new phones since October when the new iPhone came out. We were both due for upgrades, but hadn't taken advantage of them.

In December, my phone started giving me trouble, and we realized we had to pretty much get new phones soon. About a week or two ago, we finally went to Verizon to compare the prices before signing a new contract with AT&T. We went back and forth about what to do, but after realizing we were going to save anywhere from $100-175 a month, we'd pretty much decided to leave AT&T, but we needed a little bit of time to feel comfortable with the decision.

Well, today NYEBoy said we were going to make the switch. And I finally have a new, non-broken phone!! Let's pray it stays that way at least until Monday until the Otterbox gets here. Thanks to Amazon, I saved 60+%!

It's a bittersweet change, though, one I wasn't sure I wanted to make just yet. The first photos I have on my phone are from the first visitation we had with K a month after being granted emergency temporary custody of A.

We were at a local park/lake feeding the ducks. K looks very awkward, slightly uninterested, even. Her hair is greased down tightly to her head, pulled back into a bun. Her outfit is very unflattering. Her pants don't match the shirt at all. In fact, the shirt doesn't really fit her very well. Her necklace is familiar, too. A is wearing a pink Hurley shirt with a black tutu and gray leggings. The day was very pretty, it was October in FIorida, after all.

And here we are, three days away from the two year anniversary of the final court hearing.

A has cracked or dropped in liquid (toilet-1, sonic slush-1) every single iPhone I have had.

I would give anything for her to be here to drop or crack this one this weekend.

iPhones are easier to repair than a broken heart, that's for sure.

Tidbits Tuesday

One test down, two to go. One tomorrow, and one the next day. I'm handling the stress pretty well, but I am pretty much exhausted.

I laid down around 9 last night and decided to sleep until 2. Except, my mom called me back at 9:40 and my body decided all I really needed was a nap. So, I got up and did some more laundry and school work for a few hours. Around 1 or so I started getting cranky at my math book again, so I decided it was time to go to bed. I was going to sleep until 6:30 so I could finish doing some work that was due today. Well, my body had other plans. I couldn't get relaxed enough to fall asleep for well over an hour and a half. Just as I fell asleep, NYEBoy accidentally woke me up. I hadn't been asleep but maybe 20 minutes.

I was too exhausted to get up and do any actual studying, so my hormonal self just wanted to cry. SLEEP or GET UP, but do one of them, I begged my body. I finally passed out around 7 and slept for a few hours. When my alarm went off, I decided to skip my first class. Sleep > anything.

I spent several hours pounding the books for my two upcoming tests. I'm feeling a bit better, but I wish I had a few more days before I had to take them. Oh well.

My daily list is going pretty good. I'm not able to get it all done, but with three tests on my calendar, my focus is pretty much on school work and my daily chore. And that is beyond enough, trust me!

I have a therapy appointment tomorrow. Last week, I really needed it, but this week I've been so consumed with school work I haven't had to time to stress out about what was bothering me. I'm still keeping the appointment because I know I'm going to need it going into the weekend, especially since Sunday marks two years since the final court hearing. If I could wave a magic wand, I'd go to sleep on Saturday and wake up Monday morning.

My ear has been bothering me a bit today. I'm thinking it's the weather pressure and wind. I almost started crying on the drive home it hurt so bad. Luckily, it's calmed down now that I am back at home.

Well, I need to wrap up this assignment due at midnight and finish studying for my test tomorrow afternoon. Speaking of, I could use a good vibe/prayer around that time. I don't want to bomb it!

Back on Track

After feeling completely overwhelmed last week, I made the decision to stay home from class on Thursday to give myself a four day weekend, mostly pain free, to get my housework and homework some what organized and under control. I felt like I was drowning and this was the best solution for my health and sanity.

Although there are never enough hours in the day to get completely caught up with life, the past four days have helped. It took several days, and my back almost going out, but the living room is spotless. Our Christmas tree was up for a month and two days passed Christmas, but that is okay.

After running across a quote this weekend on Pinterest, I decided to print it out and post it on my desk. I've really been struggling for awhile at enjoying my life where I am sitting currently, but more on that later. 

"I want to remember that no one is going to make'my dreams come true for me...

It is my job to get up every day and work toward the things that are deepest in my heart...

And to enjoy every step of the journey rather than wishing I was already where I want to end up."

I really needed this right now. I need it every day. I need to read this several times a day until I GET it.

Part of "getting up every day and work toward the things that are deepest in my heart" means making a To-Do list, and checking these things off. As I was getting my list together, someone retweeted a quote that I found apropos for moment. So much so, that I put it on the list to remind myself every day.

"Remember, the difference between must and should

is the life you want and the life you have."

So, I have made two separate To-Do lists and put them inside a clear pouch. I have a daily list of 10 things I want to try to do every day, but I also made two blank rectangles in case something comes up that I know I need to take care of.

On my list I have a daily chore (more on that below), exercise, homework/studying, and blogging. I also have four areas of my life that are causing me a bit of stress and I've decided until I have the extra time to take care of them, each day I will just spend a few minutes tackling a little bit of the mountain until it becomes completely organized.

Since this list will be in a clear pouch, I can easily use a dry erase marker to cross things or add to the list.

On the other side, I have a list of the days of the week and the six major areas of the house that need to be cleaned each week. I printed the list (living room, office, bathroom, kitchen, laundry, and bedroom) out on paper, cut them out, and used tape to laminate them. (See, if I ever unpack this house properly, I can actually find and use my laminator!) Then, I put a small piece of masking tape on the backside of each chore so I can move them easily. 

I had originally thought about assigning a chore a day, but I realized some weeks, some days will be busier than others, so while one chore may only take a few minutes, others will take a bit longer. This way, regardless of how busy the week is, as long as I do one thing per day, at the end of the week, each chore will have been done.

I'm going to try to do the chores like this for a few weeks to see if I am able to physically stay on track. If not, we'll most likely go ahead and hire someone to come clean once a week. It all depends how my back and muscles react.

So, this is me, attempting to get back on track and stay on track. I've got to remember I must do things every day to work towards being where I want to end up.

Changing Toothbrushes

The dentist always tells you to change your toothbrush around every 3 months. But, some times we forget when we last changed it. Typically, I like to start a new toothbrush at the beginning of the year, after my birthday in March, around the 4th of July, and when college football starts. But, occasionally, I forget. So, I try to write down the dates on the toothbrushes with a sharpie. This way, I'll know when I last changed it.

And since it's sick season, don't forget to sanitize your toothbrushes after you get over a cold. I try to do this once every other week, just because. Just pop them into a pot of boiling water for about 30 seconds and then let them air dry.

I also like to see how long certain things last us, so I write the dates on the containers, too. Since we get a lot of things from Sam's Club, I want to see just want to see how long our money is being stretched. So, for things like the box of trash bags, laundry detergent, dishwasher detergent, kitchen soap, shampoo and conditioner bottles, etc I just write the date I open it on the bottom of the bottle or box. It's always surprising to see how long some things last us. It helps me from hoarding extra containers since I know we'll only use 2 or 3 of some things per year.

Baby Boy's Outer Space Themed Nursery

I was having a lot of trouble sleeping last night. A little bit of anxiety from a documentary I watched, but mostly just my body aching really bad from all the housework I did yesterday. Our living room is almost back in order. I just have to find a place to put the Christmas tree because the closet it normally goes in is blocked at the moment.

While NYEBoy slept beside me, I scoured the internet window shopping for our future son's nursery. We want a space themed nursery for our boy, even though NYEBoy likes to argue it could go for either. (And he's right, but I am so going to go all girly-girl for our daughter's nursery.) The only thing we had trouble agreeing with, is whether or not it should be cartoon-y or more realistic. I think you have to go with either or, not a mixture of both. He disagrees.

Well, the stars must have aligned (ha, ha, pun.) last night because I found the perfect set of 3D wall art for an Outer Space themed nursery or room! It's made by the Beetling Design company and I am head over heels in love with it.

Doesn't that just look SO cool? You can even buy an extra astronaut. 

A little more digging around and I found a really neat looking overhead light fixture as well.

I love the walls they have the 3D planets and astronaut on, but I know we'll need to get a lighter crib to brighten up the space some. (ha, ha, pun.) I think the Babyletto Harlow or the Ikea SUNDVIK would go nicely in the room.

                                   

I've tossed these things onto Pinterest. As I find other things to add to the room, I can keep them all organized in one place. 

Now, we just need a baby boy to decorate for. 

Overwhelmed With Life

I am completely overwhelmed with life right now. I am sure you're tired of hearing about this just as much as I am about talking about it. But, whatever, this is my space, and if you don't want to read about it, you can excuse yourself here. 

For those brave souls who stuck around, bless you.

My home life is overwhelming me. I haven't done a deep cleaning of the house since before Christmas. For those who can't do the math, that means it was over a month ago. Speaking of Christmas, my outside decorations just got taken down last week. Oh, the Christmas tree and inside decorations? They are still up. Sulking that I am ignoring them. Our dinning room table is piled full of random shit. I even found a bag with bananas I forgot to eat. Don't even bother asking when I bought the bananas, I couldn't tell you.

My school life is overwhelming me, too. After dealing with bronchitis, pleurisy, a double ear infection, and a ruptured ear drum, you can only imagine how fogged up my brain has been. I don't know about you, but math doesn't make much since when you're having an around-the-clock Vicodin party. Luckily, with the new medication and a little time for healing, this week my brain is starting to finally absorb the materials we learn in class, but now I have the joy of playing catch up. I've had something major due every day this week and I have three tests next week. I'm seriously on the verge of tears. I am exhausted.

I've got other things I'm dealing with that I can't really talk about right now, things that are stirring up a lot of emotions, anxiety, and grief. I saw my Pastor yesterday, but she wasn't much help. I can't really blame her. There are no real answers. Even so, I've made an appointment to see my therapist again next week. I wanted to see her this week, but she's full. So, instead, I've got a lunch date with at least one girlfriend this week, who I know will let me vent and give me good advice. 

Basically, I need a week to decompress and get my shit in gear, but it's not going to happen until at least March. Can someone at least come over and clean the house and take down the Christmas decorations for me? Please? Thanks.

Hanging On To Hope

You know the saying, 'people plan and God laughs'?

One of the biggest factors that made me decide to go to college, was the 4-5 years gap between the then current time and NYEBoy graduating with his PhD. I've pretty much known that treatments would not be an option until after graduation. And honestly, I've been accepting of that reality. At the time, K and A were living with us, life was busy, and that was okay.

Then K left.

Then A left.

Then I had a miscarriage.

And now, I'm left empty handed and broken-hearted.

I long for another pregnancy. For hope.

At the same time, I fear for another pregnancy. For loss.

What if I do get pregnant on my own again, but have another miscarriage, while I am in school? There is no way I could safely handle it, this last one, coupled with previous grief, nearly killed me. My spirit still seems dead to me.

And so, I tell myself to forge on with school. Health problems aside, stay focused. This is what you should be doing. This is what God wants you to do.

And then it hits me, what if, after graduation, when it's time for treatments, none of it works?

What if God laughs at these plans, too?

I need these treatments, the hope of being a mother, I need it all to work. I need to know this wasn't all for nothing. All of this waiting. All of this praying. This long, hard, tear-stained road.

And yet, I know, this perfect little family I picture us having in 5 or 10 years, it probably won't be the one He has in store for us.

I just wish I knew, for a fact, it was all going to be okay.

I just wish I knew, for a fact, I was going to be truly happy again some day.

The Whole Damn Toolbox

You know the saying, "throwing a wrench in the plans"?
Well, life threw the whole damn toolbox.
Cheater. Asshole.

I usually like to leave for vacation with a clean house, because what's worse than coming home to a messy house after you need time to decompress from a vacation?

Well, let me tell you.

It's coming home from vacation to a messy house and then getting sick for a week.

And you still have all of your Christmas stuff up.

And classes start in a few hours.

And your lovely spouse decided to go to bed after he saw you fall asleep in the chair, but didn't think to turn off the TV or all the lights. So, when you wake up around 2 am, you're body thinks you just wanted to nap.

And you get a headache from all the bright lights.

And so, you go yell at said spouse (as best as you can, because it's still hard to breathe).

And then you start coughing a lot.

And your prescription pain medicine with a cough suppressant is in the car.

And it's late, so even if you go outside to get it, you'll be too drugged up to wake up in time for classes.

And, and, and... I could just go on.

I really hate starting a new semester with a messy house. There is just something about starting back to school with a clean slate. But, none of this is going to happen. I'm already behind before it even begins.

I have an extremely long day ahead of me, one I wasn't looking forward to with a full nights sleep. Now I'll be lucky to get another nap in before I have to go spend about six hours on campus.

The only bright side, because there's always a bright spot in shitty situations, no?, is that I only have "long days" on Monday and Wednesdays. Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm just on campus for around three hours. And, I have Fridays off this semester.

So, hopefully, all willing, I should be able to be well enough by the weekend to get a hold of the house work just in time for me to start my second week of classes.

Happy Anniversary New Year!

If you were following me on Facebook or Twitter, you may have known that I traveled back home to surprise my family for Christmas. I won't go into the trip on this post, because it deserves it's own. Let's just say, it was the worst Christmas I've ever had. 

NYEBoy and I got back into town shortly after midnight on New Years Eve, our anniversary! We grabbed just what we needed out of the car to use for the next day and ran into the arms of our beloved bed. Oh, how'd missed it. We watched some shows on Netflix before falling asleep for half of the day. 

Since it was so late when we woke up, we decided to order a pizza and play board games for a few hours before heading out to our special anniversary dinner at Shula's 347. I won at both games!

Side note, one of the worst things about having an anniversary on New Years Eve, is how nearly impossible it is to get dinner reservations for that evening! Luckily, I was able to call and leave a message before they opened begging  to squeeze us in since we'd just got back from out of town and it was our anniversary! Thankfully, they were able to work us in a bit later in the evening, but hey, no biggie!

We enjoyed their spinach artichoke dip with chips for an appetizer. We both had a steak for our entree, he got the Cowboy steak and I got a filet mignon. Mmm! For dessert, we shared a creme brulee, but I could have ate it all by myself, thankyouverymuch! Soo, soo good!

Another tradition we have on our anniversary is to go to see a movie. This year though, I was just too travel-lagged from driving so much in a week and decided to head back to the house. We stopped by Walmart on the way home for some hot tea packets because NYEBoy said he was beginning to not feel very well he thought some hot tea might help.

Well, that was the beginning of the end. More on that in the next post.

Happy belated Anniversary to the love of my life. I never, ever imagined I would find a man who loved me regardless of my faults. We've been through more ups and downs than most couples, but there is no one else I'd rather have by my side. 

I love you more today than I did yesterday, but not nearly as much as I will tomorrow.