Date Night: Ted

Ted was really funny and cute. NYEBoy was worried it was going to be cheesy, but he said he really liked it. He's a huge fan of Seth MacFarlane and this wasn't a disappointment.

As for me, I like Mila Kunis and Mark Wahlberg, but if NYEBoy didn't like to see movies in the theater, I could have waited for this one to come out on DVD.

We both agreed that we fucking love Giovanni Risbi. His dance moves nearly had me in tears.

If you like to see movies in the theater, this really is a funny one, but if you want to wait until it comes out on DVD, you won't be disappointed, either.

Date Night: Magic Mike

Why either one of us thought this would be a good movie to see on opening night is beyond me. Between Magic Mike and 50 Shades of Grey, I am left with no other conclusion than there are a lot of desperate women in America that need to get laid. Seriously.
The disgusting shit I hear from mainly middle-aged women's mouths were appalling. Of course, they were drunk, too. 
We thought this movie was going to be a romantic comedy, and it would have been if people wouldn't have been screaming at the top of their lungs the whole time. They acted like THEY were in the strip club, oh my god. 
And they even had the nerve to boo Cody Horn. REALLY? She's way hotter than 99% of those ugly drunk whores. 
I didn't care for the ending of the movie, I think they could have gone a bit further with it, but it was a good movie overall. We both liked it, just not the horny women in the theater.


*Before anyone complains, the reason I mentioned 50 Shades of Grey was because they were talking about that AND the movie. They were going on and on about how their husbands/boyfriends should be THANKFUL for movies/books like these because they were getting sex. WHAAAT? 
T to the fucking M I!

Sleeping Beauty

I am so glad I took so many pictures of A.

I miss watching her sleep.

Let's Go Outback Tonight!

Last week the manager walked over to our table and asked if we'd be interested in trying their new appetizer before it came out. I think crab came out of his mouth and I said YES!! He needn't go any further.

Their Crab and Avocado Stack is in a word ~~ AMAZING!

Check out this description: Fresh avocado and marinated crab meat topped with minced tomato basil and a drizzle of wasabi vinaigrette. Served with white corn tortilla chips.




I also had the pleasure of trying their new Watermelon 'Rita. I got the virgin since I have a bad liver and all, but it was SO good. 
Their description says it all: Handshaken with fresh watermelon, Avión Silver® Tequila and our signature all-natural citrus mix. Finished with a black lava salted rim.




Now, quit drooling and take yourself to the nearest Outback Steakhouse, STAT! 
Doctor's orders. 
Yum!

God & Infertility

Before I made a Facebook account for my blog, I had no idea there were TTC Facebook pages, etc. And, oh my god Becky, the drama. THE DRAMAZ! Dee-rauh-mah! From what I could tell, there's only a handful of these drama-hoes, but still, they are there.

I try to keep my nose out of it, but some times, I just can't help myself.

This one girl I've chatted with a couple of times, trying to be nice, because she reminded me of me. TTC in her early 20's with PCOS. I've been there, done that. TTC with PCOS in my late 20's! Hello!

Basically she would always say there was nothing they could do, even if I tried to explain about saving for treatments or trying the Low Amylose diet, it would go in one ear and out the other.

Well, today she posted that she was leaving things up to God now and she wasn't worrying about doctors. Let me just say, as a Christian, I think this world is big enough for God and medicine. Now, I get deciding to "give it up to Him" etc, which is fine, to each their own, but it's the way she said it that got under my skin.

Doctors and medicine AREN'T bad. It's not God or medicine, it can be both. I find it hard to believe God has made me infertile to punish me, (even if some days I feel that way!), but to totally dismiss medicine is nuts.

She said when she got her BFP she didn't want to have to thank a man or a doctor, just GOD!

Well, alrighty then!

I just wonder if after years and years and years of trying, will still feel that way?

I just wonder if she has a miscarriage, will she still feel this way?

Will she be mad at God, then? Will she question him as to why she's not good enough? Will she feel like she's done something to deserve being infertile?

I really hope not.

I just don't think it has to be either OR. God OR medicine. God OR doctors. Can't it be both?

Coke Vanilla Zero & Coke Cherry Zero

I'm not a huge fan of the taste of diet soda overall. I can handle Coke Zero and occasionally diet Dr Pepper, but diet coke makes me gag.

I came across Coke Vanilla Zero and Coke Cherry Zero this week. They get two thumbs up. If I had three thumbs, the vanilla flavor would get the extra thumb!


So, if you're looking for a soda alternative, check 'em out.
I'm also a fan of Sprite zero, too!

Date Night: Seeking A Friend For The End of The World

Okay, NYEBoy and I were both a little hesitant to go see this movie. We weren't sure how it was going to be, but, it ended up being a really sweet movie. My ONLY complaint was the ending.

I know we weren't the only ones to dislike the ending because several people made comments on the way out. Lol

Date Night: Brave

We saw Brave last night. We loved it! I am slightly obsessed with the soundtrack. NYEBoy likes it, too. It's the first soundtrack I've bought from a movie. A total must have, IMHO!

Arthritis In Your Hips, Ma'am!

The doctor called.

Apparently I have arthritis in my hips. At 28 years old.

I don't really even know what to say about it other than "Of course I do!" because, yeah, what else is new.

The doctor called in some anti-inflammatory to add to my already huge medicine stash. If it were legal, I could open up my own mini pharmacy. Except, yeah, it's not.

I called my grandma to tell her, and suddenly she started bonding with me because her hip hurts, too.

She's 70-something.

I'm 20-something.

Not. Fair.

Stormy Sunset

Just a random picture I took with my iPhone a few years ago.

Vlogging

I bought a new camera yesterday. I wasn't planning on getting a new camera any time soon, but while I was at Sam's Monday night, they had one on sale. Yesterday, when I went back to get it, it was marked down even further, so I knew the stars weren't aligning for nothing!

So, I am the proud new owner of a Sony Cyber-Shot H70. Yay.

I've also decided to start blogging. I probably won't be doing any videos until after finals are over at the end of July. We'll see though.

Any vlogs you might be interested in from me??

Hipster

My back almost always hurts, but lately, my hips have begun hurting quite a bit as well, more so than normal. I finally got tired of walking around like a grandma and made an appointment with the doctor today.

He sent me out for several x-rays. I nearly cried while the tech was doing them. After, she developed them, she came back in the room and decided to do another one. Ugh. That sucked.

The doctor prescribed me steroids for the inflammation, but didn't want to give me anything else until we know what's going on. They said I should hear back at the end of this week or early next week at the latest as to what's going on in there.

He also put me on a low dose of BP meds since my BP has been like a roller coaster since our last appointment.

Sigh. Who knows what's going on with this crazy ass body of mine.

Tidal Waves of Grief

Saturday night, I had a meltdown. I was a hot mess. Tears. Anger. More tears. More anger.

I began this weekend a little apprehensive as it was. Nine months since our miscarriage last weekend. A's birthday. Father's day. It's was a recipe for disaster.

It began okay. I was able to wrangle my emotions and keep myself in check. But, after we ran around all day Saturday, we came home for a minute to drop off some things before heading out to dinner.

When I pulled into my spot, I noticed our neighbors van was open and I saw two infant carrier car seats. I didn't think a whole lot about the multiple car seats, mainly because they have two vehicles so I figured they were airing them out or something.

But, I wasn't sure if the van doors were supposed to be open. I asked NYEBoy if he thought I should go ask them, and of course he said no, but I decided to ask any ways.

They didn't know they doors were open. The guy was happy I told him. When I came back outside to get something out of the car, he was messing with the van doors and he told me things had been crazy because they just brought the twins home.

It was like a tidal wave of grief rising. I couldn't stop it. I felt it coming, hard.

I made small talk for a minute but I knew I had to get end the conversation because I was losing it, fast.

I had mentally prepared myself for them having a new baby. I see them several times a week. I can't avoid them. But, twins? Two babies? It threw me off.

By the time I reached the top of the stairs, I was in near hysterics. I was angry. I was trying to fight the tears. NYEBoy was confused. When I told him, he looked at me crazy and told me he didn't understand why them having children affected me so much. I couldn't get him to understand it, maybe it's a woman thing. I don't know.

We ended up getting into an argument and I asked him to leave. (We had plans to meet up and have dinner with his friend, so I wasn't really kicking him out with no where to go, I just didn't want to go and I needed the time alone.)

As soon as he left, I broke down. I cried off and on for several hours. I cried while cutting up a watermelon. I cried while eating the watermelon.

I was a mess.

He picked me up dinner on the way home. (It was after midnight at this point.) I ate and we crashed.

I guess a night of sleep did us both some good, me, more so than him.

Grief and infertility are such emotional trainwrecks of emotions. For the most part, I can keep my emotions in check, but there are times like this you have no control and you  just have to let it roll through.

Father's Day 2012

After lunch, NYEBoy and I decided to go see Madagascar 3 for Father's Day. We knew we would have seen it if A were here, so that's what we did.

We had a little extra time to spare in between lunch and the movie, so we walked around the mall for a few minutes. My lower back and hips are out of whack really bad, so that didn't last very long. We decided to go ahead and wait for the theater to be cleaned out, but they were taking forever.

While we waited, two little boys, about the age of 9 or 10 were running around and kept peeking in to see when they were done. They had just left, but apparently wanted to sneak in again. I didn't really mind the sneaking in part as much as it bothered me to know they were without their parents. I told the people cleaning, and they said they would go look for them, but a few minutes later the boys were back. NYEBoy told me to quit tattle-taling and to let the boys have fun. I told him if they got loud while the movie was playing, I was going to go find someone to get them. They calmed down though. Thank goodness! I'm still not entirely sure where in the hell their parents were. Weird.

Overall, we had a really great day. I got NYEBoy one of these:



and a lovely typed card, because that's how I roll. He cried at the message. Heh. My little uptight German boy rarely ever cries. 

Also, I wrote a piece over at Band Back Together about my father for their Father's Day carnival, you can check that out here. Feel free to leave me a comment over there as well!

Happy 6th Birthday A

From this...

to this...

Words can't express how much I love and care about you. 
My heart breaks when I think about you not being here.
I would do anything in the world to be celebrating your sixth birthday with you. This is the second one in a row I've missed, and I am crushed at thought of that.
If you were here, I know we would have gone for strawberry donuts first thing this morning, because that was your favorite breakfast treat. 
For lunch we would have probably had pizza at Chuck E Cheese before seeing the new Madagascar movie. I just know that would have been on you to-do list.
And for dinner, we would have all gone for sushi. 
I would have rocked you to bed, singing Amazing Grace, and thanking God you were being taken care of.
But, you're not here, and I am not sure what we're going to do to celebrate. It doesn't seem fair to be happy when you're not here. 
We miss you every day.
I love you to the moon and back, always and forever. xo

Date Night: That's My Boy

We saw That's My Boy tonight. It was hysterical. It was a much needed break from the shitty night I was having.

A's 6th Birthday Package

I mailed A's birthday  package off yesterday. She should get it tomorrow or Saturday, in time for her 6th birthday on Saturday. I can't believe she's going to be SIX.

I wrapped each item separately, she seems to like to open a bunch of different packages. 

I hope she likes everything, we loved picking things out for her. I'd give anything to see her open them.

Master Bedroom Project

I bought a new bed spread a few months ago, but once I got it home, I really didn't want it for the master bedroom anymore.

 It took awhile to really decide what I wanted to do with our little love nest, but I've finally decided on a theme. Gray, yellow, and white. "You make me happy, when skies are gray," because our live has been gray for the better part of nearly two years, but NYEBoy has been my ray of sunshine.

I'll be pouring over Pinterest and the internet over the next two months looking for projects to do for our room. I won't be starting it until August, after my finals in July.

I can't wait to share it with you all! I even have three furniture pieces I will be repainting! Eeek.

Besides the furniture, my other big project is going to be finding the perfect bedding set. I am struggling with this one! I wish I could sew!

Girls Beach Day

Going into this week, I knew it was going to be hard. Sunday was our nine months since the miscarriage and Saturday is going to be A's birthday. This is such a vulnerable time for me, especially.

A friend was going to come over to swim in the pool with me today, but when she got here, we both decided to go to the beach instead.


I haven't been to the beach in awhile. It's so hard to go without A. A's first trip to the beach was only my second time ever seeing the beach as well. That beach holds a lot of memories.

On the way to the beach, I have a tradition of stopping by Mammaw's snow cones. I always got a medium, and A always got a small. I always stop with my girlfriends now.

Mammaw's has changed a little bit since the last time we were there. Um, Mammaw wasn't there. I didn't have the nerve to ask the guy if she had passed away. Maybe next time I'll ask.

When we arrived at the beach, it was raining, but not thundering. My girlfriend and I looked at the ocean and I said "To hell with this shit, I'm going in." And we did. With our umbrellas, until the rain passed. Lol

We stayed for about two hours, but we left when something stung me in the chest. My whole right breast/abdomen were swollen and red. I'm not sure what it was, but it hurt like hell.

The whole time we were at the beach, it was cool, but cloudy. As soon as we got out of the changing rooms, the sun was OUT. We laughed. At first we were miffed, but after walking out of the beach shops, we quickly realized it was TOO damn hot. Lol

We stopped by Mammaw's on the way back in to town. Man, those snow cones are SO good! We also stopped by my favorite BBQ place that isn't back home. It's about 25 minutes away from our house, but on the way home from the beach. 

It's the best BBQ I've found in this area, and trust me, I've nearly tried them all!


It was nice to get away from the house for the day. I missed A, and I almost got her a t-shirt, but the wait was too long, maybe next time.

Goodbye, Suntrust

When I was fifteen years old, I opened up my first bank account. I was tired of getting my money stolen from me by my siblings and paying the grocery store every week to cash my check was getting costly.

I still remember ordering my first and only set of checks, Anne Geddes. I only used that one box of checks my entire time of having that bank account.

A few years later, my bank was bought by another bank, and in 2004, Suntrust bought that bank.

I've stayed with this same account, through two bank changes, and I even opened two more accounts with them for my businesses.

Last Fall, when Suntrust (among others) decided to start charging for debit cards and such, I decided to leave them. Before I left, they retracted that change and I stayed.

Fast forward to this spring, I get another letter in the mail telling me they were now going to start charging for all three accounts and it was going to cost me several hundred dollars a year.

As someone who is going to school full time and not working as much as I had up until the fall of 2010, I had enough.

When I went to close my account the gentleman told me I wasn't going to be able to find any one other than a credit union who wouldn't charge me for my accounts. I smiled, took my money, and left.

The first bank I went to, didn't charge me to open my account, keep a monthly balance, require any deposits, or charge me for my debit card.

I hate that Suntrust pushed me out, but I can't guarantee that I am going to keep my accounts above a certain number, even though my yearly daily balance showed I did, I didn't want that threat of having to pay if it dipped below the magic number. I currently don't work anywhere full time, so I can't guarantee that I will be getting a certain deposit each month.

Suntrust, I'm glad that several hundred dollars a year is worth more to you than a customer of 13 years.

Nine Months

Nine months since our miscarriage. Nine months. There's just something so hard about month nine.

With out a doubt, our baby would have been born by now.

We would have a little one, in our arms, keeping us up all hours of the night.

Some days, nine months ago seems so long ago.

Other days, I can close my eyes and still see the blood everywhere. I can feel how physically painful it was.

Life is so fucking unfair.

Date Night: Prometheus

I'll be honest with you, I was nervous about going to see Prometheus. I really didn't think I was going to like it. I just had no interest in seeing it, but NYEBoy really wanted to, so I obliged like the nice girlfriend that I am.

I am so glad I saw it, it was bad ass! I really hope they have a sequel because the final scene sure alluded to one!

Feeding The Ducks

I have fond memories of us feeding the ducks at Chickasaw Gardens when we were children. I'm pretty sure we called in Chickensaw Gardens, though.

I remember being so excited when we could take bread to go feed the ducks at the lake. I love, love, loved it.



I really miss taking A to feed the ducks. Our favorite local lake is Lake EIIa. It's so beautiful, all year round. I haven't been but maybe once since A left. I can't bring myself to go back. It's so hard doing things without her that we once did together.

She loved walking along the top of the stone-edging. 

One of the perks of being a grown up, is I can bring a WHOLE bag of bread to the lake. We loved watching the ducks, birds, and turtles surround us like a scene with the old lady in Home Alone. Heh.

It's A Boy

My sister is having a boy.

They are naming him a cute name, but it rhymes with his last name. That's not cute.

To make matters worse, they aren't giving the kid a middle name.

Why?

Because slaves didn't get middle names.

::insert record screech here::

I.. I just have no words.

Let's just hope they can spell this kid's name right on the birth certificate, she couldn't do that last time.

Remind me again why I am the infertile one?

Remind me again why my baby had to die and she gets to have another one?

28 Hours

That is how long I slept yesterday/today.

Um, yeah.

I have never felt so tired in my life! I only got out of bed twice to go to the bathroom and nearly fell asleep on the toilet both times. Lol

NYEBoy asked if I was sick, nope, just tired!

I'm Wide Awake

I'm loving Katy Perry's latest single Wide Awake. Speaking of Katy Perry...



I am super stoked about going to see the her movie in July. Every time we see the preview for it, I get chills. I guess this is how those dorks felt about Bieber's movie, huh? (j/k T!) 
I just hope I can get NYEBoy to go with me. He's a little hesitant. Maybe I'll remind him that it's Katy Perry and not Bieber, THAT would be weird. :-) 
Is anyone else going to go see it?


sdas r>

June's Women's Group

We had women's life group tonight. We potluck it every month. Last month I brought a mini version of my yogurt bar.

Even though all of the ladies enjoyed the yogurt, I really wanted to bring something else, plus I have  a suspicion others were going to bring fruit because they kept talking about how much of a good idea it was. Lol And I was right. Lol We had a lot of fruit!

I made a caprese salad. Sliced up a bunch of tomatoes from the fruit/veggie stand that I picked up yesterday, topped them with a slice of mozzarella, basil, and a drizzle of a balsamic reduction. I was going to make more, but it stunk up the house SO bad. NYEBoy was not happy.

I also decided on a little healthy treat. I've seen a variety of these cream cheese stuffed strawberries on Pinterest lately, but while I was getting the mozzarella I saw that Philadelphia cream cheese now makes white chocolate and chocolate flavors! STOP THE PRESSES, YO!






What you'll need:StrawberriesBlueberriesPhiladelphia white chocolate cream cheesePhiladelphia whipped cream cheese
What you'll do:Combine both containers into a bowl, whip together. Place in a ziploc bag. Snip the tip. Hallow out your strawberries, fill, top with a blueberry and EAT.
What you'll get:

It was so hard not to eat all of these by myself!
Everyone enjoyed them. I think I only brought home two tomato slices as well. I forgot to take a picture of those, oops!
I'm hosting next month!

Period or Not

I haven't had a cycle since our miscarriage in September. Even after doing the low amylose diet and metformin back in Jan/Feb, it didn't kick start it.

Yesterday, for the first time I started bleeding. I thought it was the start of my cycle, but it went away pretty quickly. It was bright red blood, so I know it's new, but it's confusing me as to why it went away.

I guess if she doesn't come on full force soon, I'm going to have to schedule an appointment to see the doctor.

In my next life, I want a vagina that works properly.

Julie Fowlis, A Brave Song

I finally looked up who sang the song in Brave that made me tear up when I hear it. Julie Fowlis sings Tha Mo Ghaol Air Aird A' Chuain

Here are the lyrics or, you can do what I do, and just hum along loudly like you know what you're saying. :-)

Snow White And The Huntsman

We saw Snow White and The Huntsman tonight. It felt a little long, but it was really, really good!

I'm not a huge fan of Kristen Stewart. In fact, I've never seen a Twilight movie, but every time I see her in the entertainment news, she just looks stuck up.

Scarlett Johansson, on the other hand, is a hot broad! Love her.

Can I also make an embarrassing confession?

I had a fight with NYEBoy on the way home from the movies. Yes, A FIGHT. Why?

Because I didn't realize there were Hemsworth BROTHERS. I knowwwww... I know!!! I die.

Okay, so I really died because there are actually two fine ass brothers walking this planet. Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Hemsworth, Thank YOU!


Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a set of brothers to go daydream about. Ahhhh....