Draw Something

Since I'm no good at studying while taking Lortab, I am catching up on Netflix and being addicted playing Draw Something. If you don't have it, get it. If you have it, add me. InDueTime

This made me LOL.

Look at the picture, then the word...Really? lol

NYEBoy thinks it's pointless when people do this...

Another look at the picture then the word and say Really?

Wait, what? How did you get that answer before I finished drawing?

Never thought I'd draw a pregnant stick person.

This game is seriously fun. I may or may not have to be careful when playing because my ovary doesn't like to be shaken from laughing. Ha.

Ruptured Cyst

Well, the doctor told me she thinks I have a ruptured cyst. It looks like I've officially began my spring break early. Who needs tequila on the beach when you have lortab and bed rest? Not this chic.

On top of this, I am breaking out with a rash and it itches like crazy. The doctor mentioned being put back on prednisone, but I covered my ears and started yelling lalalala. The first picture was yesterday, the other two are today. I'm trying to avoid having to take benedryl, so I am going through a tube of cream like there is no tomorrow. Hopefully it helps.

I was given strict instructions to return to the ER if the pain gets worse or I start running a fever. Awesome.

Bed Rest

Friday and Saturday I had a few sharp pains near my left ovary, but I didn't have any bleeding or anything, so I didn't think too much about it. Sunday I woke up with a nice case of pelvic pain, all on the left side.

Around 2 am this morning I decided to head on in to the ER.

Nurse: When was your last menstrual cycle?

Me: September.

Nurse: Are you pregnant?

Me: Was. No, I have PCOS.

Of course the PA that walked in was pregnant as all get out, leaning back on the counter with her hands and my papers on her belly.

PA: Okay, we're going to need a urine sample, a pelvic exam, and ultrasound to see what's going in there. We'll get you some pain medicine in just a few. Okay?

Me: Okay.

After I gave my urine sample, (is there anything grosser than giving a urine sample in a hospital bathroom?), they put me in a room for the pelvic exam. Of course, the pregnant PA waltz in to shove her hand up my vag. The only thing worse than getting a pelvic exam as an infertile is getting one by a pregnant PA. She tells me my cervix looks a little aggravated, but otherwise everything looked okay.

While she was doing her thang, I was having flashbacks from the miscarriage hospital visits. Total mind fuck.

A little bit after I got settled back in my room, they wheeled me down for my pelvic ultrasound. After the tech moved all around my abdomen, making sure to dig deep where I was having pain, BECAUSE IT TOTALLY MAKES IT HURT LESS!, it was time to get my vag invaded again.

[For the record, I think those Republicans in Washington should be forced to get a nice lubed up ultrasound probe to be stuffed up their assholes before deciding women should have to unnecessarily experience this joy. I'd like to think of it like water boarding, it's not torture until you have to go through it yourself. But, I digress.]

After coming off the bed a few times, she said she was done.

Nurse: I can't find your left ovary.

Me:Yeah, I'm not sure where I had it last. Let me think about that for a minute...

The doctor came in a few minutes later to tell me he's putting me on bed rest and wants me to go see the gyn no later than tomorrow. So, with a script for pain meds and orders to stay in bed, I came home.

My body loves me so much.

Upcycled Wooden Containers

When I took a trip to a thrift store last week I picked up five of these little ugly things. I'm not sure that they are supposed to be, but I had other plans for them. I wasn't sure exactly where I would put them, but I knew I'd figure it out! Plus, they were only $0.42 each. Yeah, seriously!




After washing them with soap and water, I painted them white. Once I painted them white, I realized I wanted them in my office. So, I took a piece of scrapbook paper and glued rectangles of it it to the front. I nailed them to the wall and now I can get clutter off my desk and on the wall. Ha.

Whatcha think? I already had the white paint leftover from another project and the scrapbook paper came from my stash, so all total it was less than $5 in materials! Love.

Time To Call The Therapist

I'm having a really, really hard time with my infertility right now. I'm struggling with trying not to want to break down. I don't know what's going on. I've decided to contact my therapist on Monday to see if I can get an appointment. I feel exactly how I felt almost a year ago, so I know it's time to get help before I lose it.

NYEBoy thinks I should drop my Chem and Chem Lab class. He thinks my schedule is too much and I'm overworking myself. I can't drop any of the other classes because of graduation, but I can retake Chem and Chem Lab in the summer without it effecting me graduating in May. I'm going to go talk to my professors on Monday and see what they think. I have three weeks to decide before the cut-off date.

I really, really hate infertility, grief, miscarriage, and depression.

Baby Gifts & Prenatals

A dear friend of mine is due any day now and we've been lucky to have lunch two Fridays in a row! I wanted to give her a little something before she has the baby.



(I picked a bunch of these cute little boxes from Hallmark on clearance a few weeks ago. Aren't they adorable??)

I got her a swaddle blanket, a lil monkey hat, and some lip balm from a dear sweet friend over at Hot Mama Gowns.



I had the blanket monogrammed with her new baby's name. Oh, my! Love it.

After lunch, and the monsoon stopped, I ran to Target. While I was picking up A some daily vitamins to put in her Easter basket, I saw some gummy prenatal vitamins that I just had to snag! I am currently taking a bunch of pills and one of the nastiest tasting ones is my prenatal, so I am was thrilled to find some that I would be HAPPY to take!



(Yes, they have sugar on them, but right now I am taking so many pills, and I'm desperate to find an easier way to avoid having to choke down pills several times a day. Plus, these might not hurt my stomach if I take them with other pills. I'll try these <2 a day> until they run out and decide then if I'll go back to the other pills.)

Watermelon Time

I woke up feeling like I was going to throw up all over the place. I didn't want to go to school at all, but I knew I had to for Chem Lab, so I suffered through it, but after the class I went home. I couldn't take it any longer.

I came home and slept for seven hours. Um, yeah.

Tonight my brother and I went to the store and I saw they had some watermelon out, so I picked up a small bowl. Seriously, is there anything more disappointing than getting a non-sweet watermelon? I HATE IT!

This, though? Was perfect. I consumed the whole bowl while I put away groceries. (What? It was small!) We had a problem, though. I wanted more. NOW. Not later, but NOW. My brother rolled his eyes, but agreed to go with me.



I'm so glad I went back for more, this shit is delish!

A Week of Low Amylose - Reschedule

Okay, I am going to have to reschedule the week of low amylose because I am not feeling good and I haven't been eating much at all today or yesterday. Hopefully, I'll restart it next week.

I really haven't been feeling well at all this week. I'm nauseated and my boobs are sore. I don't think I'm pregnant though. It's not to say I'm not hoping and praying, though!

I did have to run by the Dollar Tree tonight to pick up some more pregnancy tests because apparently I'm out. It's been a long time since I've had the urge to pee on a stick!

I know I ran to the Dollar Tree to pick up a few pregnancy tests, but I managed to spend $38, who does that? NYEBoy would have died if he was with me and saw that total. Ha. In my defense, I picked up a bunch of things for A, like stickers and other little things to mail her. I also found a really good deal on grosgrain ribbon. They had several other colors I didn't get, but this was plenty for now. Perfect for Pinteresting, you know, when I find some extra time!

Happy Ash Wednesday! I skipped my night class so I could go to the 7 pm service to get ash-ed, as I told my Grandma. I don't think I'm giving anything up per say, but I'm going to try to focus on being mentally happy again. I'm going to try to remember to be thankful for what the Lord has given me and try to be at peace with His plan. Or at least try, I am human after all. I'll keep you guys updated.

A Week of Low Amylose - Day 2

I was running late to class this morning, so I grabbed a yogurt and grapes for breakfast.



For snack I had a coke zero and a Larabar.

I normally would have had lunch at 12, but I realized in between classes that I had left my homework at home and I had to redo everything before my afternoon class, so I had to work through lunch. That sucked.

For dinner we went to Outback since I was STARVING. I got a steak (medium rare plus) and two salads. I love their bleu cheese pecan chopped salad with shredded cheese instead of bleu cheese and the dressing on the side. I ask for one salad before the meal and the other one with my steak.

Of course I needed a venti sugar free iced caramel macchiato to help me study.


I took my meds with apples and yogurt tonight. (No picture, same as last night, but with a cup of yogurt!

A Week of Low Amylose - Day 1

I've decided to blog a week's worth of my food on the low amylose diet. If you have any questions, feel free to email me or leave a comment!

Today is Monday, day 1.

For Breakfast I had a cup of yogurt, 4 oz of beef jerky, and a half a Larabar.

I typically eat breakfast in the car on the way to school, around 8 am, and then I eat a snack between 10-11, but I was still full so I didn't have a morning snack. Of course as soon as class started my belly started growling.



I ate lunch around 1. I had 1/2 of a container of Panera chili, a slice of a pizza shell with some cheese, and a cup of grapes. The chili came from Sams. I heat 1/2 a container with about 1/4 a cup of water, and top with cheese. The pizza shell I just top with cheese and throw on the bottom rack under broil for a few minutes.

Normally I would have gone for a bike ride between 1-3, and come home to have a smoothie, but I was feeling really tired today, so I took a nap. Of course I slept for 3 hours instead of one, so I didn't have time for a decent dinner before my 7 pm class.



On the way to class I ran by McDonalds for a regular order of McBites. The breading isn't exactly low amylose friendly, but I needed some type of warm food and I was rushed so it is what it is!



When I got home shortly before 10, I had some grapes, a cheese stick, and a yogurt.



It's now 11:30 and I am getting ready to go to bed because I am getting a migraine, but I have to take my Metformin, so this is my last snack. An apple sliced and a tbsp of PB2.

I Think My Girl's Gone Crazy!

I don't know about you ladies (sorry gents!) but there is just some days that I can tell I am going to be a hormonal hot mess. And last night? Was totally one of those nights.

I walked into the living room and told NYEBoy I was going to bed and he needed to quit working because I was hormonal and all I wanted to do was cry. (Famous last words.) (His cue to run like hell...out of the house, not towards me!)

I just laid there. He sheepishly climbed into bed beside me, half scared to touch me for fear of what might happen, but also trying to be the loving soul that he is, wanting to comfort me.

"What's wrong, baby?"

I couldn't answer. Not because I really knew what was wrong persay, but mainly because I knew I would start crying if I opened my lips to talk.

"What's wrong, baby?"

Silence.

"Baby, I can't really help you if you don't tell me what's wrong. It's not fair for you to not tell me what's wrong. Just talk to me."

Silence. A tear falls from my eye, down the side of my nose, and onto the pillow.

"Baby, what's wrong? Please talk to me."

I started bawling. Half talking, half dying inside.

It hit me that I would be almost to the third trimester if everything had gone right. I would be happier on the inside and the outside. I would have something I could look forward to soon rather than later.

I hate these moments. I hate feeling so hurt. I hate grieving such a loss.

But, I have no choice. When these moments come, the only way to get over it, is to go through it.

Tips on Taking Metformin

I finally started taking the Metformin again this week. Last time I was on Metformin, I started taking half a pill (of a 500 mg) for the first week, then I upped it to a whole one, then I started taking half of a second pill, but ended up stopping my diet before I managed to make it to two pills a day. This time, I skipped all of that.

I started taking 500 mg right away, once per day, typically at night before bed. Then, I started taking the second pill mid-day. Someone asked me how my body was reacting to being on 1000 mg of Metformin and I figured I would blog about it.

I think I've pinned down the best way (for me). I always take one pill before bed. I take that pill with an apple, a yogurt, and sometimes either 2 tbsp of peanut butter (on the apple slices) or a stick of cheese. I eat half of the food, take the pill, drink some water, and eat the rest of the food. Keep in mind that I did not eat it with any (bad) sugar or grain carbs.

When I take the other pill depends upon the day. I have lunch at school on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so on those days, I take it mid-meal as well, otherwise, I do the same as above during the day when I get home for lunch.

Keys to taking Metformin without the side effects:

• No/low carb/sugar diet
• Take pill mid-meal
• Take pill with protein (yogurt, peanut butter, cheese stick, etc)
• Do not take with other pills (like vitamins, etc)

Of course, I am not a doctor, so please consult your physician before using these tips. What works for me and my body may not work for you and your body. :-)

Date Night - This Means War

Tonight we went and saw This Means War. Omg. It was awwwesome!! I was looking forward to going to see it because A. I love Chelsea Handler and B. I love Reese Witherspoon, but truth be told, today I wasn't really feeling in the mood to go see it. I think I was afraid it was going to suck and I knew NYEBoy does NOT like Chelsea, so I was full of angst that he was going to be making comments under his breath the whole time.

BUT!!

He didn't! In fact, he said Chelsea Handler makes a way better actress than she does a comedian. I completely disagree, but I also think she's bad ass at everything.

We really enjoyed the movie. It was funny and action packed. Totally a must see. (Especially if you're a Chelsea and Reese fan!)

If you go see this movie, let me know what you think!

Like Mother, Like Daughter - Broken Ass Style

My grandma is holding steady. She's pretty much been stuck in the bed since she's been home. Occasionally she'll make her way out to a chair, but she says it hurts too much to stay there too long. But, the doctor got on to her today telling her she needed to get out of the bed if she didn't want to deal with blood clots. Hopefully she'll listen! I told her she has about ten weeks to get better because I fully expect her to be here for my graduation!

Not to be out done though, my mother went and broke her tailbone too. I KNOW! Right? Yeah, I'm pretty cool with skipping out on that little family bonding experience. Oy!

Keep these two crazy goons in your prayers.

Sugar Free Frozen Yogurt

I am loving my Vitamix! One of my favorite things to make is frozen yogurt. I make it at least three or four times a week. One of the books that the vitamix came with had a recipe for some type of frozen yogurt, but I ended up just going by taste.

I blend one 6 oz cup of (Publix) sugar free vanilla yogurt with around one cup of a frozen fruit. You could start with 1/2 cup of frozen fruit and increase by 1/2 cup to see how much fruit flavor you prefer. I've done it with frozen mixed berries, blueberries, strawberries, pineapple, and peaches, but my favorite mixture is the vanilla yogurt with a cup of frozen (publix) cherries. You can even mix a few together. Just remember, bananas are not low amylose friendly, so stay away from them.

Its sweet and creamy, and totally hits the spot as far as ice cream is concerned.

This doesn't freeze very well, so it's a pretty much eat-it-as-soon-as-you-make it kind of treat. Also, the yogurt has to be cold and the fruit has to be frozen or it just becomes yogurt with fruit mixed in. Still yum, but not nearly as fun.




Let me know if you try it and what flavors you create!

How I Met My Future Husband

As a young 20-something, I found myself facing a new year, being alone for the first time in several years. I wasn't sure what the new year had in store, but I knew I didn't want to kick off the new year without at least the possibility of a date on the horizon. After some thought, I decided to give an online dating service a try.

But, which one?

If you google online dating sites, you come up with thousands of options. After I looked into some free sites, because let's face it, I'm cheap, I decided to look into sites with monthly fees. My thought was that if someone was willing to spend a monthly fee, it was probably going to weed out the kind of guys I didn't want to date.

I ended up choosing eHarmony, in part because they had a sale going on, but also because they didn't take their matches lightly. You have to fill out a questionnaire with nearly 300 questions before you start talking to your matches.

This is your time to think about what you're really looking for. Do you really want to be with a smoker? Do you only want someone who shares the same political or religious beliefs as you? Maybe you don't want kids. The questionnaire goes beyond these questions to make sure they match you with someone who is compatible with your personality.

After you fill out the questionnaire, you get to start viewing your matches and contacting people.

It's not just, "Oh, hi, you're cute. Let's talk." You actually have to choose a set of questions to ask them. Then they answer your questions and send you a list of questions to respond to. Based on each of your responses, you both decide whether or not you would like to keep communicating. Eventually, you can escalate the conversation to request email and/or a phone conversation.

I found several guys I was interested in and was talking with, but for some reason or another I would end the conversations.

Suddenly, I found myself talking to one guy and not looking for any more matches. After talking for a bit, we decided we would set a date for a date.

New Year's Eve.

(Can you see where this is going?)

NYEBoy and I connected immediately. By the end of our first date, he was asking if he could drive the three hours back up to see me the following weekend. And he did. Every weekend for the next eight months, with the exception of maybe two or three weekends. He would come up on a Friday night and go back home on Sunday afternoon.

(Out of respect for his privacy, this is the closest I can come to sharing my love with you guys!)

Four months after dating, he sent me a text message that said, "How does Florida sound?"

He had been accepted to graduate school and would be moving there in the Fall, and he wanted me to go with him. And I did.

We've been living together in Florida since 2008.

I couldn't have imagined ever finding someone as loving and caring as NYEBoy.

We're quite different, yet we seem to work. I like to joke that he's the best $60 I ever spent. People ask us all the time if we plan on getting married, and we do, but not until we both finish school in two more years.

I'm not worried about it though; after going through a custody case with my niece and helping my brother out, I know he's not going anywhere. For some reason this man loves me.

And I only have eHarmony to thank, otherwise, this lovely man and I would have never crossed paths.

If you or someone you know is single and looking, I highly suggest checking out eHarmony. It does work and you can find your better other half. I did!

Now, I have a chance for you to win a $100 Visa gift card! All you have to do is comment below by telling me what the most important character trait your partner must have and why?

Rules: No duplicate comments. You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods: a) Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post b) Tweet about this promotion and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post c) Blog about this promotion and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post d) For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry. This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected. The Official Rules are available here.

This sweepstakes runs from 2/14/2012 - 3/15/2012.

Visit the BlogHer.com eHarmony page to check out more blogger success stories and for more chances to win!

[This post was compensated for my time, but the opinions are my own!]

Cheater, Cheater, Diet Eater

I'm typically a really good girl when it comes to being on the Low Amylose diet. The only time I ever cheat is usually on our date night, when I allow myself to share a small popcorn and soda with NYEBoy. (I just can't bring myself to pay $5 for a diet coke, and he would die before he drank diet coke, so we share a regular coke.) After being good all week and exercising a few times a week, I have EARNED those few mouthfuls of popcorn, baby! (Hey, I could get the candy, too, but I don't! See! I do have restraint.)

Well, the other night the news channel said that McDonalds was, for the first time ever, bringing the Shamrock shakes to all McDonalds this St. Patricks Day season. As soon as I heard that I knew I had to tell Dresden since she's been rubbing it in my face for years about how magically delicious this shake was.

Jealous, no more. After church yesterday, I got my hands on one of those bad boys.





And you know what? I LIKED IT! A lot!

Uh, oh. Luckily they are only available for a few weeks a year. Although, I might have to cheat twice a week (popcorn x 1, shamrock shake x 1) until St. Patricks Day.

Have you ever had one?

Another Milestone

I thought I was going to make it past these one year marks without a breakdown, but I was wrong. Today is apparently going to be the day. I woke up just feeling sad. On the way to church all I could think about was how a year ago, I was packing her things and fielding the constant phone calls from my father as he asked us if we had left yet.

I didn't want to leave. I wanted her to stay. I had a girlfriend ride with me so I wouldn't have to do the hand off on my own. And the day itself actually went off without any major breakdown on my part. Of course that we me being numb from everything.

During church, when the children were being sent downstairs for their little time, the congregation always sings a song. Of course it was Jesus Loves The Little Children, and I almost lost it. My eyes filled with tears and I tried so hard to keep them at bay.

During the time for prayer request, I stood up and requested extra prayers as today was going rougher than I had expected. I almost lost it right then. By the end of the service, however, the heaviness I had been feeling slowly felt like it was being lifted.

I ran a couple of errands after church, because obviously retail therapy works wonders, and this afternoon hasn't been too bad.

I miss her like crazy.

On a happier note, today also marks one year since I last spoke with my father. As soon as I got home, NYEBoy called and had his phone number blocked for me. We pay $5 a month to ATT to make sure I never have to hear from his piece of shit ass again.

Whitney Houston

In typical fashion, I checked Twitter after the movies tonight and saw someone say "I can't believe Whitney is dead!" My first thought was "OMG! WHAT? WHITNEY IS DEAD?" After I scrolled up a few more tweets, I realized it was Whitney Houston and then my next thought was "OMG! WHAT? WHITNEY HOUSTON IS DEAD?"

I read a tweet that said something like "we lost Whitney a long time ago" Oh, how true. I miss the Whitney Houston from the 90's. (I was born in the 80's. Shush.) Any time I hear Where Do Broken Hearts Go, I can close my eyes and I am back in the dark school gym as a group of girls sing and dance at the school talent show.





Or if I hear When You Believe, I automactically think back to being in the living room yelling at my mom that MARIAH CAREY! AND! WHITNEY HOUSTON! were singing together! And could she BELIEVE IT?!?!?!



Of course, I remember watching The Bodyguard and Waiting to Exhale. Who doesn't remember yelling to the top of your lungs as she sang I Will Always Love You and how can you possibly stand still when she's telling you she wants to dance with somebody?

We'll always love you, Whitney.

Date Night - Safe House

One of the best moments of our week has got to be Date Night. For the most part, every weekend we go to dinner and a movie. In fact, I just looked at our AMC Stubs account online and we have seen 24 movies since last July. (That doesn't count the ones I saw with A over break or with friends at the discount theatre!)

One movie we've both been looking forward to for months now has been Safe House. It was fucking awesome! The ending made us wonder if there will be a sequel.




And for the record, I love this song.




[By the way, if you go to the movies and have an AMC theatre, you should look into the AMC stubs card. NYEBoy was a littler hesitant of it at first, but I bought it one day behind his back and we've been using it ever since. It's $12 a year, that's only $1 a month! You get free concession upgrades and $10 back for every $100 you spend. Since NYEBoy hates going to the movies unless it's dark out, our tickets alone are $20. Since last July, we've earned $70 in rewards and we are only $34.50 shy of our next $10 reward. Totally worth it.]

(No, I wasn't paid to say that.)

Sleep Fairy

I am severely lacking sleep this week. Between tests, quizzes, papers, and other assignments I have to do, I am desperate for a good nights sleep. Every night I have hit that moment where you want to either break down crying or kill someone stage of sleep deprivation.

I literally laid on the couch last night, as NYEBoy was trying to help me figure out how to get the answer to a Chemistry problem, telling myself over and over not to cry, while I was yelling at him to just WRITE! IT! DOWN! so I could remember how I got the answer in the morning. He was none to pleased with this psycho-girlfriend moment. But, dudes! I'm tired. Exhausted. Beyond exhausted, actually.

My one goal this weekend is to get at least 30 hours of sleep between Friday night and Monday morning.

Erin Condren

I decided to post this just in case any of you have an Erin Condren planner. I've found my tabs were getting bent, so I have found a solution. I searched the office supply store, but didn't find anything to cover the tabs, but I used clear packing tape and trimmed it to fit.




Basically, take a piece of the tape, a little less than an inch long, and fold it around the tab. Then, use your scissors to trim around the edges.




Hopefully this will work long-term. I love my planner!

Nakie Neighbbor

Well, sort of.

Several times a week, I look outside my window to this lovely view.





Sunbathing after a workout, I think.

Lara Bars

I'm really big on eating breakfast, but I don't always have time to cook in the morning, especially if I hit the snooze button fifteen times. I wanted to find some type of granola bar, but of course I can't have the oats and things so that was out.

Or so I thought.

And then I discovered Lara, or rather Larabars.

They have no grains and they are totally low amylose friendly. Most of them do not have sugar, but I have allowed myself to splurge on the chocolate chip ones when I am feeling the need for soemthing sweet.



You can find them online, at your health food store, or even your grocery store near the vitamins for some reason. I've found them for $1-1.85 each. My most favorite so far is probably the cashew cookie. It tastes just like the center of a payday bar to me. All of the ones above I have tried and liked, with the exception of the cherry bar. I'll eat it, but its my least favorite.

[Edit 02/14/12: I guess I hadn't tried the Blueberry Muffin one prior to this post, or maybe this last one I had was bad, but wow, it was so bad I threw it away. I might try it again at another time, but it was so gross. It's a shame because I really enjoy cherries and blueberries, but these two bars were a disappointment!]

Counting Down

I find myself thinking back to a year ago and counting down to what I was doing with A.

I almost lost it today when I realized it was the last time I brought A to church before she left.

I remember telling her to go sit down next to our Pastor so I would have a picture of them together.

I also remember my Pastor telling me not to worry because she just knew she'd be back.

Oh, how I wish she would be right.

I remember taking her to Chuck E. Cheese after church.

I remember standing there trying to inhale each and every moment. I didn't want to forget what it felt like having her safe within arms reach, knowing that she was okay.

All I have now are the pictures in my head and on my cell phone, the snapshots of those final days.

Random Updates

My grandma is back home and pretty much on bedrest. She ended up falling once she got home and now has a broken tailbone to add to her list of ailments. Please keep her in your prayers.

I have a busy week ahead. I feel like I haven't had a moment to breathe. Study, Study, Study.

Yesterday I went to the doctor because my face was swelling and breaking out. I had some type of allergic reaction to something. What, we're not sure. I was given a steriod shot and a prescription of prednisone. Of course my dumb ass got it in the right side of my ass, and then I went and had to spend an hour driving home. Big. Mistake. Luckily it chilled out about 3/4ths of the way home. I also had prednisone. That shit is the pits. Luckily, I only have to take it for a week, but I'm sure it's going to fuck up any hope for weightloss this week. Have I told you all that my family doctor is hot? Um, yeah. We also think we know each other from some where, because we look familiar to one another, but we haven't been able to place it yet. Weird and awkward, but gosh he's cute.

I've spent all day in bed nursing a migraine, too. Ugh.

Anyways, I hope you're all having a good weekend.

A Year Ago Today

I don't really know what to say about today. Today is one year since the Judge made the worst decision ever. Biology trumped A's well being.

I've been meaning to sit down and write a letter to the Judge and K's attorney, just asking how they sleep at night, but I haven't had the time to do that yet.

I also haven't been open and honest about things that I know have happened in the past year because I know my family is reading. I can't say how I am truly feeling on this subject matter and it truly pains me.

I haven't forgotten, though. I think about A's well being every single day. I read between the lines. I don't listen to what people do say, I listen to what they don't say. I'm not there, but I'm also not stupid.

I think the worst part about this past year has been knowing that the people she's being surrounded by don't care about her future, they just care that she has clothes on her back and she's still breathing. People who care about her future don't allow the things to go on that have been going on.

Before you ask, if there was anything going on bad enough to warrant us re-opening the case, we would have. Right now people are just skating by and doing the bare minimum. It's shit that I wouldn't approve of, but also not something a Judge is going to exactly give a shit about either.

And now, I get to spend the next week thinking about everything we were doing a year ago. I wish I could go back and spend every single minute of every single day that I had left with her. I wish I could relive those moments.

The Last Night

A year ago, I wrote this post.

A year ago tonight, was the last night that I had faith in the family court system.

I had so much hope that this new judge would see through the bullshit and do what was best for A.

I had so much hope that we would be able to tell the rest of my family to go fuck themselves because the courts DID care.

I was going to be able to blog that A was indeed going to be alright, and that hopefully with time, K would get her shit together, too.

A year ago, I had hope and faith.

Prayers For My Grandma

After I've spent the day playing the telephone game with various family members, I found out my Grandma fell down the stairs last night. She hit her head and broke through the sheet rock at the bottom of the stairs/door area. She has a broken ankle and a hematoma.

It's killing me not to be THERE with her right now, but since she's stable and there is nothing I can physically do, I'm not making the 12 hour trek right now.

Please pray she makes a speedy recovery and that there isn't any longterm damage. My grandma is my world.



(This is my Grandma and A. Look at that chunky baby!)