Hacking It

Yesterday I made the hard decision to drop my Chemistry class. Mostly in part to my health. The doctor strongly suggested I reduced my hours at school to help reduce the risk of another flair up and to help with the back pain. I really didn't want to do it, but this is the last week to withdrawal without it hurting you, and I know it's what is best.

But still, I felt judged when I stood in line to fill out the paperwork. I know this woman probably sees thousands of people withdrawal from their class and this was the first time I've ever done it, but still.

As I walked to my professors office, I tweeted that I felt like a loser, and while most people told me I wasn't, there was one person who sent me a response almost immediately via a comment on my blog.



And I had to laugh.

This person compared my struggles with working a full time job. I WISH I just worked a full time job and went to school. I wish that was all I've had to struggle with.

But, I that's not the case.

My first day of college was also the same day we had an emergency hearing in court over custody of my niece. Two nights before I had to call 911 as my niece was taken from our home by her mother as she tried to leave the state with her after she had a court order to appear in court.

I was granted emergency custody of my niece and for SIX months I fought hard for my niece all the while I attended school and made all A's and a B my first semester in school, despite having been a high school drop out for almost ten years.

And then I had the final court hearing in February and had to hand my niece over to someone who I KNOW is not fit to be a parent. Someone I continue to watch not take care of her child. This is a complete mind fuck, but I didn't drop out of school. Instead, I continued with my classes and I did very well the second semester despite going to weekly therapy appointments for the depression it caused.

And I went through my summer semester, again, doing very well.

And then the second week of classes of my second Fall semester, I had a miscarriage. And that is a TOTAL mind fuck for anyone, let alone someone who has been TTC for over seven years.

And then I got bronchitis before the semester ended.

And here I am in the Spring semester, having struggled with a ruptured ovarian cyst, diverticulitis and back pain.

And you know what? I am fucking hacking it. I am kicking ass and taking names.

College is hard enough IF you only have to work, but physical and emotional struggles are worse than having to deal with a 40 hour a week work week.

I am officially registered to walk in the Spring ceremony even though I will still have three classes this summer, but I am SO close. I am almost done with this school and heading over to the university and I couldn't be more proud of myself.