15 Hours

When the doctor told me to go to the ER, I knew I didn't want to go right away. It was late afternoon/early evening and I knew the waiting room would probably be packed. I'll just eat something, take a shower, make a few phone calls, and head in, in a little bit.

After I ate and made some phone calls, I went to take my shower only to realize I was out of clean towels. So, I had to do some laundry first.

After talking with a dear friend of mine (whom by the way offered to take me to the ER so I wouldn't have to drive myself, even though she just gave birth a few days ago!) I decided to go to a different hospital than the one I originally went to with the pain two weeks ago.

I arrived to a packed waiting room, but it's a big hospital, so I didn't think much about it. The first thing the cute guy at the desk said was "Are you pregnant?", when I said NO, he promptly tried to win me back over by calling me "babe". Smooth move, operator, but I'm still watching you! Of course, being triaged, my BP was high. Who wouldn't have high BP after being in pain for 17 days now?

As I was waiting in the waiting room, a few people started to complain and leave. Several people had been there since 8 pm and it was already after midnight. This made me nervous, but what else was I going to do? I was even more thankful I had spent more time at home than in the ER at an even busier time.

I waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. Around 4 am they started re-vitaling everyone because we had been waiting forever. My back was hurting and my abdomen ached. Answers, it'll all be worth it for answers, I reminded myself.

The people in the ER waiting room, oh my god. Let's just say, kept me entertained. There was a little 9 or 10 year old boy that was bored out of his ever loving mind and wouldn't stop making weird screeching sounds that made me want to strangle the shit out of him. Then, there was a couple who walked in with their two toddlers in only diapers (where they remained like that for like 3 hours!). There was also the crazy chic who started yelling and cussing and acting a fool. I guess after that crazy bitch left, another lady decided to act like a crazy bitch, too, because she started yelling and cursing too. And I'm all for people cursing, but really? At 5 am? When we're all in pain? Just shut the fuck up. And of course, there was the college girl who walked in puking in a pot, you know, that you COOK SPAGHETTI IN. I wanted to die right there.

I was FINALLY brought back to a room at 6:30, six hours AFTER arriving to the ER. Holy fuck. Of course, the cell service in the ER rooms was 1/2 a bar at best. I couldn't access twitter or facebook, despite my efforts to reach out to the world. I barely got a few texts messages to go out before my phone told me it had less than 10% remaining. Fuck.

Of course, it being 6:30, I knew no one was going to come in my room for at least an hour because of shift changes. I was so annoyed. Laying on the most uncomfortable bed in the world, with no TV on, and bright lights. Nothing to eat or drink for seven hours at that point.

Sure enough, I was right. The doctor (who wasn't on my wrist band, that I was supposed to have seen, oh, sometime in the last 7 hours) finally waltzed in my room at 7:30 or so. We talked about what was going on, and he denied me food or water, just in case they had to do surgery (oh, that's relieving... NOT!).

I was hooked up to the blood pressure monitor, the pulse ox, and given an IV as I waited to see what was next.



The doctor thankfully turned on the TV for me so I wasn't bored out of my mind. After more waiting, they wheeled me down the hall to do a pelvic exam. I've lost count of how many people have invaded my vag in the last three weeks. And then I waited some more.

Around 12:15 they came in with TWO! BIG! cups of contrast to suck back "in 45" minutes. Let me tell you HOW much fun THAT was after being refused food and drink for 13 hours at that point. The first cup I finished in like 10 minutes, but I was ready to throw up a few sips into the second cup. I was sure it was going to all come back up. I managed to take the last sip 3 minutes before 1. I didn't want to move for fear it was going to all come back up.

About thirty minutes later, they wheeled me in to have my CT. The lady informed me that they were actually going to do three different types of contrast, the one I drank, through IV, and then rectally. WHAT?! Rec..whaaat? After I put aside my pride (and she pulled apart my ass cheeks) I was given the contrast. It was awkward at first, but then it started hurting.. BAD. I felt like someone was cutting my insides up. Then, they did the IV contrast and I was sure I was going to pass out. My whole body felt like it was on fire. "Oh, and you'll probably feel like you're peeing on yourself, but you won't be!" she exclaimed from behind the window. Great, not only might I shit myself, now I might piss myself. After we were done, she told me to take my time in the bathroom. I wasn't sure what in the hell she was talking about, and then it hit me. CTs with rectal contrast are JUST as horrible as they sound. On the bright side, from the lack of food and the CT, I probably only weigh 99 lbs now. Ahem.

Three hours later, I was released with no more answers than when I came in. Sort of. We know what I don't have, we just don't know what I do have. He gave me a non-narcotic pain reliever and told me to go to the doctor tomorrow.

So that's what I am going to do.

And I may or may not have picked up two donuts from Krispy Kreme on my way to Wendys as soon as I left the hospital.

D-U-E, hoooooomeeeeee.