I don't know about you ladies (sorry gents!) but there is just some days that I can tell I am going to be a hormonal hot mess. And last night? Was totally one of those nights.
I walked into the living room and told NYEBoy I was going to bed and he needed to quit working because I was hormonal and all I wanted to do was cry. (Famous last words.) (His cue to run like hell...out of the house, not towards me!)
I just laid there. He sheepishly climbed into bed beside me, half scared to touch me for fear of what might happen, but also trying to be the loving soul that he is, wanting to comfort me.
"What's wrong, baby?"
I couldn't answer. Not because I really knew what was wrong persay, but mainly because I knew I would start crying if I opened my lips to talk.
"What's wrong, baby?"
Silence.
"Baby, I can't really help you if you don't tell me what's wrong. It's not fair for you to not tell me what's wrong. Just talk to me."
Silence. A tear falls from my eye, down the side of my nose, and onto the pillow.
"Baby, what's wrong? Please talk to me."
I started bawling. Half talking, half dying inside.
It hit me that I would be almost to the third trimester if everything had gone right. I would be happier on the inside and the outside. I would have something I could look forward to soon rather than later.
I hate these moments. I hate feeling so hurt. I hate grieving such a loss.
But, I have no choice. When these moments come, the only way to get over it, is to go through it.
2 comments:
That's a rough time. I wish you were eagerly anticipating your little one instead of dreading the due date. (hugs)
Oh honey, I wish I lived close enough that I could wrap my arms around you and give you a big hug.
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