Around 2 am this morning I decided to head on in to the ER.
Nurse: When was your last menstrual cycle?
Nurse: Are you pregnant?
Of course the PA that walked in was pregnant as all get out, leaning back on the counter with her hands and my papers on her belly.
PA: Okay, we're going to need a urine sample, a pelvic exam, and ultrasound to see what's going in there. We'll get you some pain medicine in just a few. Okay?
After I gave my urine sample, (is there anything grosser than giving a urine sample in a hospital bathroom?), they put me in a room for the pelvic exam. Of course, the pregnant PA waltz in to shove her hand up my vag. The only thing worse than getting a pelvic exam as an infertile is getting one by a pregnant PA. She tells me my cervix looks a little aggravated, but otherwise everything looked okay.
While she was doing her thang, I was having flashbacks from the miscarriage hospital visits. Total mind fuck.
A little bit after I got settled back in my room, they wheeled me down for my pelvic ultrasound. After the tech moved all around my abdomen, making sure to dig deep where I was having pain, BECAUSE IT TOTALLY MAKES IT HURT LESS!, it was time to get my vag invaded again.
[For the record, I think those Republicans in Washington should be forced to get a nice lubed up ultrasound probe to be stuffed up their assholes before deciding women should have to unnecessarily experience this joy. I'd like to think of it like water boarding, it's not torture until you have to go through it yourself. But, I digress.]
After coming off the bed a few times, she said she was done.
Nurse: I can't find your left ovary.
The doctor came in a few minutes later to tell me he's putting me on bed rest and wants me to go see the gyn no later than tomorrow. So, with a script for pain meds and orders to stay in bed, I came home.
My body loves me so much.