I thought I was going to make it past these one year marks without a breakdown, but I was wrong. Today is apparently going to be the day. I woke up just feeling sad. On the way to church all I could think about was how a year ago, I was packing her things and fielding the constant phone calls from my father as he asked us if we had left yet.
I didn't want to leave. I wanted her to stay. I had a girlfriend ride with me so I wouldn't have to do the hand off on my own. And the day itself actually went off without any major breakdown on my part. Of course that we me being numb from everything.
During church, when the children were being sent downstairs for their little time, the congregation always sings a song. Of course it was Jesus Loves The Little Children, and I almost lost it. My eyes filled with tears and I tried so hard to keep them at bay.
During the time for prayer request, I stood up and requested extra prayers as today was going rougher than I had expected. I almost lost it right then. By the end of the service, however, the heaviness I had been feeling slowly felt like it was being lifted.
I ran a couple of errands after church, because obviously retail therapy works wonders, and this afternoon hasn't been too bad.
I miss her like crazy.
On a happier note, today also marks one year since I last spoke with my father. As soon as I got home, NYEBoy called and had his phone number blocked for me. We pay $5 a month to ATT to make sure I never have to hear from his piece of shit ass again.