I went to bed right after I wrote that blog post last night. I swear! Guess what? I laid in bed for FIVE hours, unable to go to sleep. I tried. I really did! I finally just got out of bed and said Eff it. And yes, I was the first in line at Starbucks this morning. Grande sugar free vanilla latte, please and thankyouverymuch!
I have a busy week at school this week.
On Wednesday I have a take home quiz due and an in class quiz to prep for.
I also have a 25 question test that requires 4-5 sentences per question due on Friday. I've done....zero.
Next Monday I have 8 writing assignments and a test in Math.
Aren't you jealous?!
One of these days I won't wait until the last minute.
I have a feeling today will not be that day, though.
Tuesday, May 31
Monday, May 30
Nothing Accomplished
I feel like I got nothing accomplished this holiday weekend. It's "back to reality" tomorrow. I ran around all day yesterday and today so I feel like I didn't get anything done around the house. I did do a lot of school work on Friday, so I guess not all was lost.
We have our housing situation narrowed down to two or three places. Hopefully we'll be able to make a decision this week. I'll be okay with any of them, I think.
I got a pedicure today. During dinner, I twinkled my toes and asked NYEBoy if he liked them. He said "yes". Then, I asked him if he knew what color they were. I expected him to say "What color?" but he replied, "Pink". It caught me off guard so I started laughing. Of course I had to correct him by saying it was "Charged Up Cherry." Silly boy.
I debated on staying up late tonight to catch up on a bunch of school stuff, but it looks like I am tired so I am going to go sleep for a few hours and try to wake up around 3 or 4 to get an early start on my day.
I hope everyone had a relaxing weekend. Mine may not have been productive, but I think over all it was pretty relaxing. You know, when I wasn't being hormonal and crying!
We have our housing situation narrowed down to two or three places. Hopefully we'll be able to make a decision this week. I'll be okay with any of them, I think.
I got a pedicure today. During dinner, I twinkled my toes and asked NYEBoy if he liked them. He said "yes". Then, I asked him if he knew what color they were. I expected him to say "What color?" but he replied, "Pink". It caught me off guard so I started laughing. Of course I had to correct him by saying it was "Charged Up Cherry." Silly boy.
I debated on staying up late tonight to catch up on a bunch of school stuff, but it looks like I am tired so I am going to go sleep for a few hours and try to wake up around 3 or 4 to get an early start on my day.
I hope everyone had a relaxing weekend. Mine may not have been productive, but I think over all it was pretty relaxing. You know, when I wasn't being hormonal and crying!
Sunday, May 29
Relaxing Sunday
On Friday, when I was struggling with my grief a bit, I wondered if the four day weekend would do me in. Especially when I started crying at my desk writing this post.
NYEBoy and I went to dinner and the movies for our date night. We had Outback and went to see Hangover 2. Dinner was great and the movie was hilarious. My only problem that night was when i bought my water at the movies, they gave me this tiny cup of ice that didn't even fit in the cup holder. I was so pissed. I don't mind paying the $4 for the bottle of water, but the least they can do is give me a cup of ice that fits in the holder. They wanted to charge me $5 for a normal cup even if it was just for ice. REALLY? I'll be writing a letter to the owner this week.
Saturday I slept in pretty much the whole morning. When I woke up, I got caught up on the Casey Anthony trial while NYEBoy did some running around. When he got back home, we went to dinner at Ted's Montana Grill. My steak was pretty much still mooing when they put it on my table and when I got it back, it was grey. I was so pissed because I have the hardest time ever getting a medium steak cooked properly. The manager took care of it, but I was still annoyed that I didn't get a good meal. I went to Starbucks on the way to to grocery store after we left dinner. I had my first sugar free drink there. It wasn't too bad at all.
Today I officially joined the church I have been attending since January. My pastor emailed me Friday after hearing I was still struggling with the grief and she offered to take me to lunch this coming Friday to talk. And yes, when I read her email, I started crying again.
After church, I went to Old Navy to get some summer shirts while they had their big Memorial Day sale. When I got back home, NYEBoy and I went to lunch. When we were done, we decided to grab a smoothie and went driving around looking at a few places. We found one that looks very promising. We have an appointment schedule for tomorrow to look at a place down the street. I'm pretty sure it will be narrowed down to those two places. We might actually agree on something! I'm hoping we will sign a lease within the next week or so.
I have a bunch of school work to get caught up on tonight and tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to squeeze in some painting, too.
I hope you all are having a wonderful holiday weekend.
NYEBoy and I went to dinner and the movies for our date night. We had Outback and went to see Hangover 2. Dinner was great and the movie was hilarious. My only problem that night was when i bought my water at the movies, they gave me this tiny cup of ice that didn't even fit in the cup holder. I was so pissed. I don't mind paying the $4 for the bottle of water, but the least they can do is give me a cup of ice that fits in the holder. They wanted to charge me $5 for a normal cup even if it was just for ice. REALLY? I'll be writing a letter to the owner this week.
Saturday I slept in pretty much the whole morning. When I woke up, I got caught up on the Casey Anthony trial while NYEBoy did some running around. When he got back home, we went to dinner at Ted's Montana Grill. My steak was pretty much still mooing when they put it on my table and when I got it back, it was grey. I was so pissed because I have the hardest time ever getting a medium steak cooked properly. The manager took care of it, but I was still annoyed that I didn't get a good meal. I went to Starbucks on the way to to grocery store after we left dinner. I had my first sugar free drink there. It wasn't too bad at all.
Today I officially joined the church I have been attending since January. My pastor emailed me Friday after hearing I was still struggling with the grief and she offered to take me to lunch this coming Friday to talk. And yes, when I read her email, I started crying again.
After church, I went to Old Navy to get some summer shirts while they had their big Memorial Day sale. When I got back home, NYEBoy and I went to lunch. When we were done, we decided to grab a smoothie and went driving around looking at a few places. We found one that looks very promising. We have an appointment schedule for tomorrow to look at a place down the street. I'm pretty sure it will be narrowed down to those two places. We might actually agree on something! I'm hoping we will sign a lease within the next week or so.
I have a bunch of school work to get caught up on tonight and tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to squeeze in some painting, too.
I hope you all are having a wonderful holiday weekend.
Saturday, May 28
We Can't Agree
Last week, we got our renewal notice from our current leasing company. I've never been so tempted to write "FUCK NO!" on a piece of paper and return to sender so fast in my life. We found a place a few weeks ago, and were approved, but things feel through and we cut our losses after the owner started acting a little weird. So, we've been on the hunt for another place ever since.
We've narrowed it down to two places. One I likes. One he likes. We both dislike each others. I guess that means we haven't really narrowed it down much after all.
Both of them are three bedroom, two baths. Both are within our price range and both have similar sized living rooms, but really this is the only few things we can agree on.
My place is on the North side of town.
His place is on this side of town.
We both agree to stay away from the areas around the college.
I think my bedrooms are bigger.
He thinks his bedrooms are bigger.
My place has a garage.
He doesn't consider that when making his decision.
I do because it has the washer and dryer along with shelving space already present, with ample space for our freezer and perhaps even some more storage.
My place doesn't require us to pay more to break our lease.
His place will require us paying a month of rent.
We've set up an appointment to view my place again, for comparison sake. AKA to prove me right and him wrong.
I also have a list of two more places to check out. One of which, if it's still available, might be perfect.
I hope we find a place to agree on soon. I'm so excited about getting the hell out of this place I can hardly stand it.
We've narrowed it down to two places. One I likes. One he likes. We both dislike each others. I guess that means we haven't really narrowed it down much after all.
Both of them are three bedroom, two baths. Both are within our price range and both have similar sized living rooms, but really this is the only few things we can agree on.
My place is on the North side of town.
His place is on this side of town.
We both agree to stay away from the areas around the college.
I think my bedrooms are bigger.
He thinks his bedrooms are bigger.
My place has a garage.
He doesn't consider that when making his decision.
I do because it has the washer and dryer along with shelving space already present, with ample space for our freezer and perhaps even some more storage.
My place doesn't require us to pay more to break our lease.
His place will require us paying a month of rent.
We've set up an appointment to view my place again, for comparison sake. AKA to prove me right and him wrong.
I also have a list of two more places to check out. One of which, if it's still available, might be perfect.
I hope we find a place to agree on soon. I'm so excited about getting the hell out of this place I can hardly stand it.
Friday, May 27
One Less Gown
It's not the way it's supposed to be.
She's supposed to have walked with her classmates in a cap and gown.
To accept her diploma from preschool graduation.
From her teachers she was with for six months.
Not from a school she has only gone to for three weeks.
I'm supposed to be dealing with the awkwardness of family coming in after I was given custody.
Not being completely ignored from everyone except my grandmother.
I'm supposed to be picking out teachers gifts.
And telling them how thankful I was for a wonderful year she had.
I'm supposed to be comparing pictures from the first day of school to the one she would have taken this week.
I'm supposed to be deciding what she should do for summer camp.
But, I'm not.
Instead, I can only sit here and think about what could have been.
What should have been.
She's supposed to have walked with her classmates in a cap and gown.
To accept her diploma from preschool graduation.
From her teachers she was with for six months.
Not from a school she has only gone to for three weeks.
I'm supposed to be dealing with the awkwardness of family coming in after I was given custody.
Not being completely ignored from everyone except my grandmother.
I'm supposed to be picking out teachers gifts.
And telling them how thankful I was for a wonderful year she had.
I'm supposed to be comparing pictures from the first day of school to the one she would have taken this week.
I'm supposed to be deciding what she should do for summer camp.
But, I'm not.
Instead, I can only sit here and think about what could have been.
What should have been.
Thursday, May 26
Wednesday, May 25
Low Amylose Dinner
I've been working on this post for a few weeks now. I'm not sure why I've struggled writing it, but I have. Probably because my dinners aren't that exciting. I'm a creature of habit, so my dinners are kind of boring. I also don't cook for NYEBoy, so I don't have to try to plan around my eating habits and his, which is probably why I lack creativity.
NYEBoy and I go out to dinner on the weekends and I almost always get the same thing, steak and veggies. Booooring! I've only cheated bad when we went to 0rlando to see Maria. Every other week I might allow myself a sweet potato.
When I am at home I have something simple, either a big salad with chicken, chili, chicken and vegetables, or some type of soup. Pair it up with some vegetables or a salad and a little fruit or yogurt, and I'm stuffed like a pig.
I've also made naked spaghetti, think spaghetti with meat sauce, minus the noodles. I know, what's the point, right? Ha! I teamed it up with some spinach or zucchini and pretended I was in Italy. Easier said than done.
Last week I made some Mexican chicken. I cooked some chicken breast then shredded it. I mixed it with a can of rotel (you can use salsa too) and a can of cream of chicken soup. Add some milk, salt, pepper, and cheese, then bake until bubbly. It wasn't bad. Next time I would probably add some peas into it for another little bite. It doesn't look very pretty when it's cooked, but it's a nice spicy dish that I can eat.
I make my chili in a big pot then freeze it in 1 cup portions. It makes for a quick re-heatable dinner. I take the block of chili out of the ziploc bag, plus a few table spoons of water, cover, and heat on low for a few minutes. You could also pair it with a salad. Yes, it was hard eating chili without crackers the first few times, but I always top it with cheese and sour cream and it helps.
Like I said, they are pretty boring. But it's really not that bad. I don't go to bed hungry!
Don't forget to check out the breakfasts, lunches, and salads. Still to come? Snacks and beverages.
NYEBoy and I go out to dinner on the weekends and I almost always get the same thing, steak and veggies. Booooring! I've only cheated bad when we went to 0rlando to see Maria. Every other week I might allow myself a sweet potato.
When I am at home I have something simple, either a big salad with chicken, chili, chicken and vegetables, or some type of soup. Pair it up with some vegetables or a salad and a little fruit or yogurt, and I'm stuffed like a pig.
I've also made naked spaghetti, think spaghetti with meat sauce, minus the noodles. I know, what's the point, right? Ha! I teamed it up with some spinach or zucchini and pretended I was in Italy. Easier said than done.
Last week I made some Mexican chicken. I cooked some chicken breast then shredded it. I mixed it with a can of rotel (you can use salsa too) and a can of cream of chicken soup. Add some milk, salt, pepper, and cheese, then bake until bubbly. It wasn't bad. Next time I would probably add some peas into it for another little bite. It doesn't look very pretty when it's cooked, but it's a nice spicy dish that I can eat.
I make my chili in a big pot then freeze it in 1 cup portions. It makes for a quick re-heatable dinner. I take the block of chili out of the ziploc bag, plus a few table spoons of water, cover, and heat on low for a few minutes. You could also pair it with a salad. Yes, it was hard eating chili without crackers the first few times, but I always top it with cheese and sour cream and it helps.
Like I said, they are pretty boring. But it's really not that bad. I don't go to bed hungry!
Don't forget to check out the breakfasts, lunches, and salads. Still to come? Snacks and beverages.
Tuesday, May 24
I Saved A Life!
I donated blood for the first time today. They have a bus on our campus a few times a year, and my friend talked me in to it. I was nervous. Back home, I loved the ladies in my lab at work that would draw my blood, but this was someone I hadn't met before. I put the nervousness aside as best as I could and I went forward.
I filled out my paperwork. I joked with E that I wasn't sure if I should mark yes or no on the question about being paid for sex. Because in this house, we call it a relationship! Just kidding...
After my paperwork was done, I went into the little tiny room to talk about my medical history and to check my iron level. They double checked to see if it was okay for me to donate blood since I have had open heart surgery. Then she took my iron. Apparently it was supposed to be about 12, but mine was 15.5. Addiction to SALADS! FTW!
After that, I headed over to my bed/chair to get ready to be pricked. After the needle was in and the blood was flowing, I tried to surf twitter, but my other arm was too "lazy/tired" to sit up, so I put my arm down and relaxed. I'm not sure how much longer it was because I was busy looking at the seconds on the clock to "squeeze" the ball every 3-5 seconds, but I suddenly started to feel hungry. I asked for a bottle of water and while the guy was getting that for me, the "hunger pain" started to turn into full on nausea. I told the guy I was starting to not feel too good. Well, that apparently alarmed him because two other people rushed over to me. As they reclined my chair they told me to breathe through my nose, keep my eyes open, and to move my feet. As they were telling me this, I started not being able to hear them. I could read their lips though. They put a cold towel over my head and another cold towel around my neck. One lady pulled the needle out of my arm and wrapped it up. They also put the air vents towards me and stayed by my side for those first few minutes.
I guess about 10 minutes in, my girlfriend E was able to come over and keep me company. I tried to sit up about 20 minutes after this happened, but a few minutes into sitting up, I got sick again and they had to do the same thing again.
Finally, about 45 minutes after this happened, I was able to get up and leave. I came home and now that my girlfriends have left, I am heading to bed. I feel like shit. BUT, I saved a life!
I filled out my paperwork. I joked with E that I wasn't sure if I should mark yes or no on the question about being paid for sex. Because in this house, we call it a relationship! Just kidding...
After my paperwork was done, I went into the little tiny room to talk about my medical history and to check my iron level. They double checked to see if it was okay for me to donate blood since I have had open heart surgery. Then she took my iron. Apparently it was supposed to be about 12, but mine was 15.5. Addiction to SALADS! FTW!
After that, I headed over to my bed/chair to get ready to be pricked. After the needle was in and the blood was flowing, I tried to surf twitter, but my other arm was too "lazy/tired" to sit up, so I put my arm down and relaxed. I'm not sure how much longer it was because I was busy looking at the seconds on the clock to "squeeze" the ball every 3-5 seconds, but I suddenly started to feel hungry. I asked for a bottle of water and while the guy was getting that for me, the "hunger pain" started to turn into full on nausea. I told the guy I was starting to not feel too good. Well, that apparently alarmed him because two other people rushed over to me. As they reclined my chair they told me to breathe through my nose, keep my eyes open, and to move my feet. As they were telling me this, I started not being able to hear them. I could read their lips though. They put a cold towel over my head and another cold towel around my neck. One lady pulled the needle out of my arm and wrapped it up. They also put the air vents towards me and stayed by my side for those first few minutes.
I guess about 10 minutes in, my girlfriend E was able to come over and keep me company. I tried to sit up about 20 minutes after this happened, but a few minutes into sitting up, I got sick again and they had to do the same thing again.
Finally, about 45 minutes after this happened, I was able to get up and leave. I came home and now that my girlfriends have left, I am heading to bed. I feel like shit. BUT, I saved a life!
Monday, May 23
Addicted To Salads!
Last week, I couldn't stand to look at a salad. I struggled to eat anything green beyond zucchini. I'm not sure what was wrong with me. But that all changed on Friday after I went to TGIFriday's with my girlfriend E. I had the pecan crusted chicken salad. It was HUGE and I ate all off the salad and half the chicken. I've had about 2-3 salads every day since then. Yum, yum!
I wanted to add some crumbly cheese to my salad, but I don't really like bleu cheese, so I took to Twitter for a little help. You all suggested feta and shaved parmesan. I bought both. I have to say, I'm not a huge fan of the feta, but the parm was pretty good!
Here's my typical salad. Mixed spring salad (from a bag!), two celery sticks diced, one salad cucumber sliced, a handful of cherry tomatoes quartered, some died cranberries, cheese, mandarin oranges, and some type of protein.
I'll either use nuts, my favorite are blue diamond lightly salted and roasted almonds chopped, bacon, or chicken. When I do chicken, take two organic, hormone and antibiotic free chicken tenderloins diced and cook it in some EVOO and low sodium soy sauce. The bacon I use is the Applegate brand, again, because it's organic and hormone/antibiotic free.
The dressing I use is in the refrigerated section near the salads. It's an Asian Ginger flavor, and it's one of the few I have been able to find that are sugar free.
I wanted to add some crumbly cheese to my salad, but I don't really like bleu cheese, so I took to Twitter for a little help. You all suggested feta and shaved parmesan. I bought both. I have to say, I'm not a huge fan of the feta, but the parm was pretty good!
Here's my typical salad. Mixed spring salad (from a bag!), two celery sticks diced, one salad cucumber sliced, a handful of cherry tomatoes quartered, some died cranberries, cheese, mandarin oranges, and some type of protein.
I'll either use nuts, my favorite are blue diamond lightly salted and roasted almonds chopped, bacon, or chicken. When I do chicken, take two organic, hormone and antibiotic free chicken tenderloins diced and cook it in some EVOO and low sodium soy sauce. The bacon I use is the Applegate brand, again, because it's organic and hormone/antibiotic free.
The dressing I use is in the refrigerated section near the salads. It's an Asian Ginger flavor, and it's one of the few I have been able to find that are sugar free.
Sunday, May 22
I Still Need 200 Words
I took a class today that was for new members. It's not mandatory, but kind of gives a brief history of the religion and discusses our church a little bit. It's mainly to air out any questions we may have.
I didn't have any questions on anything in particular as I feel pretty much at home already. I just wanted to attend since it was right before my regular service and I might learn something about the church I didn't already know
The service today was really nice. I actually took home a message for a change. I guess I've been on grief auto-pilot and nothing has really soaked into my brain lately, but I felt the message today.
I have until Tuesday to submit my 200 words by Tuesday and I only have two. I and Am. I'm not sure what will follow. I wish someone else could write it for me. I don't know who I am right now.
Next weekend I will be joining the church officially. The last time I was up in front of everyone I almost lost it.
I wish A was going to be there joining with me. I think I'll print this picture out and wear it with me.
*face smudged for privacy
This church is my home here in Tally for sure. I've never felt so welcomed by a bunch of strangers in my life.
I didn't have any questions on anything in particular as I feel pretty much at home already. I just wanted to attend since it was right before my regular service and I might learn something about the church I didn't already know
The service today was really nice. I actually took home a message for a change. I guess I've been on grief auto-pilot and nothing has really soaked into my brain lately, but I felt the message today.
I have until Tuesday to submit my 200 words by Tuesday and I only have two. I and Am. I'm not sure what will follow. I wish someone else could write it for me. I don't know who I am right now.
Next weekend I will be joining the church officially. The last time I was up in front of everyone I almost lost it.
I wish A was going to be there joining with me. I think I'll print this picture out and wear it with me.
*face smudged for privacy
This church is my home here in Tally for sure. I've never felt so welcomed by a bunch of strangers in my life.
Saturday, May 21
Capitan Jack
And I'm not talking about any alcohol, either. But, I do have a confession to make and it involves Capitan Jack. Are you ready for this?
Okay. Here it goes...
I have never seen any of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.
NYEBoy and I wanted to go see a movie this weekend, but the only thing new that we both wanted to see was Pirates of the Caribbean. During dinner though, we both decided we should wait until I have seen the other three. So, I did what any responsible movie-goer would do, and I added the other three movies to my queue on Netflix.
What about you? Have you been living under a rock and ignoring the Pirates call, too?
Okay. Here it goes...
I have never seen any of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.
NYEBoy and I wanted to go see a movie this weekend, but the only thing new that we both wanted to see was Pirates of the Caribbean. During dinner though, we both decided we should wait until I have seen the other three. So, I did what any responsible movie-goer would do, and I added the other three movies to my queue on Netflix.
What about you? Have you been living under a rock and ignoring the Pirates call, too?
Friday, May 20
Casey Anthony Trial
Okay, go ahead, admit it, who else is following the Casey Anthony trial? Only me? Aww, don't tell me that!
I have always been addicted to CourtTV, you know, when it was CourtTV, ever since I worked from home as Nanny. I can remember watching the Scott Peterson trial and wishing I could watch it all day, but I could only catch it during the kid's nap time.
The bright side to being a childless infertile student, is that I get to watch more of this trial. In between my classes, I have the SkyFire app downloaded on my iPad and iPhone so I can watch the trial live on this website.
Since tru TV's InSession only airs from 9-3, I am missing about three or so hours of the trial, which is why I am pretty much glued to my desk outside of those hours. By the end of the week, I realized I could totally take a scarf and create an iPhone holder so I can listen and clean/work around the house. And before your ask, for some reason, out of all of the pants/leggings I have been wearing the last two weeks, none of them have any pockets. WTF?
So, what about you, have you been following the case?
I have always been addicted to CourtTV, you know, when it was CourtTV, ever since I worked from home as Nanny. I can remember watching the Scott Peterson trial and wishing I could watch it all day, but I could only catch it during the kid's nap time.
The bright side to being a childless infertile student, is that I get to watch more of this trial. In between my classes, I have the SkyFire app downloaded on my iPad and iPhone so I can watch the trial live on this website.
Since tru TV's InSession only airs from 9-3, I am missing about three or so hours of the trial, which is why I am pretty much glued to my desk outside of those hours. By the end of the week, I realized I could totally take a scarf and create an iPhone holder so I can listen and clean/work around the house. And before your ask, for some reason, out of all of the pants/leggings I have been wearing the last two weeks, none of them have any pockets. WTF?
So, what about you, have you been following the case?
Thursday, May 19
Thoughts Rolling Around In My Head
I debated whether or not to blog about this because I am not set in stone with my decision, but I will preface this by saying, it's just been a mere thought and discussion by NYEBoy and I recently.
NYEBoy and I are possibly in the position to be financially stable enough to start treatments next year, but that leaves me in an awkward position educationally. I'll be beginning my third year of four years in college for my two degrees. (Teaching and Bachelors in Mathematics.) Because of that, I would not be in the position myself to want to attempt treatments, instead, we discussed perhaps looking into surrogacy. I talked with The Smart One for over an hour about the details of such a decision. After talking with her, I kind of decided we would likely wait until I finished graduating in 2014 for a few reasons.
I've also been debating on going for a Masters or even a PhD (in Mathematics) after I get these two degrees. If I do either of those, I'm looking at an additional 1-4 more years of college which puts me around 34. 34 isn't THAT old, but when an infertile wants 4 children and she's starting treatments at 34, fourteen years AFTER she starting TTC, it's a little time ticker.
That's when I started thinking that perhaps if we wait until I graduate with my BA and teaching degree, move and get settled wherever that is in 2014, perhaps then we could start pursuing surrogacy while I was in graduate school. We would be able to get a Nanny for the remaining two or three years, which would allow me to finish graduate school but also allow us a head start on starting our family.
Nothing has been decided for sure, but it's been fun to talk and research, and talk some more, about the possibilities of the next few years family-planning wise.
Have any of your had a decision to make re: treatments/infertility and either your career or schooling? What did you decide?
NYEBoy and I are possibly in the position to be financially stable enough to start treatments next year, but that leaves me in an awkward position educationally. I'll be beginning my third year of four years in college for my two degrees. (Teaching and Bachelors in Mathematics.) Because of that, I would not be in the position myself to want to attempt treatments, instead, we discussed perhaps looking into surrogacy. I talked with The Smart One for over an hour about the details of such a decision. After talking with her, I kind of decided we would likely wait until I finished graduating in 2014 for a few reasons.
I've also been debating on going for a Masters or even a PhD (in Mathematics) after I get these two degrees. If I do either of those, I'm looking at an additional 1-4 more years of college which puts me around 34. 34 isn't THAT old, but when an infertile wants 4 children and she's starting treatments at 34, fourteen years AFTER she starting TTC, it's a little time ticker.
That's when I started thinking that perhaps if we wait until I graduate with my BA and teaching degree, move and get settled wherever that is in 2014, perhaps then we could start pursuing surrogacy while I was in graduate school. We would be able to get a Nanny for the remaining two or three years, which would allow me to finish graduate school but also allow us a head start on starting our family.
Nothing has been decided for sure, but it's been fun to talk and research, and talk some more, about the possibilities of the next few years family-planning wise.
Have any of your had a decision to make re: treatments/infertility and either your career or schooling? What did you decide?
Wednesday, May 18
The First Big Cry
I was in my childhood home, but it was here in TaIIahassee. The only thing I could think about was, I have to get A dressed, we have to get her to school. If I can get A to school before K comes home, it will be good for A. I dressed A and I in a hurry. I grabbed our bags and walked towards the front door. I was almost there. I could feel it. The only thing running through my mind was--HURRY.
As soon as we got to the door, in walked K. I played dumb and told her we were going to school. It was like I was a child and had just got caught doing something bad. K said "No." and grabbed A's hand and walked off. I walked outside devastated. I hadn't started crying until I rounded the front porch and saw my Mom. I told her what had happened. "I tried to take A to school, but K isn't letting me." I said as I started to cry. My mom didn't say anything. Then, I noticed one of my Aunt's who I hardly talk to and she started mocking me. "Wah, K won't let me take A to school. *fake cries*", she said condescendingly.
All I could do was sit in the driveway and cry. Hard.
Suddenly, I woke up sweating and it was storming outside. I wasn't in TaIIahassee. I wasn't in my childhood home. I wasn't sitting in a driveway. I was laying in the bed at the hotel in 0rlando.
I couldn't go back to sleep. So, I watched the storm pass. By the time NYEBoy woke up, it had been several hours, and those feelings of helplessness had passed.
That is, until I went to Walmart later that afternoon. After passing the little girl's clothes, I nearly lost it. I missed A soo much. Everything around me was reminding me of her. The Cheetos, the yogurts, the fresh fruit and vegetables. I made it out of Walmart without turning into a sobbing crazy lady, but I was emotionally spent for the day.
I had to run to Publix for some organic Milk after I dropped off the first load of groceries, and of course I ran into one of A's classmates parents. By the time I got home, I could only muster a shower and bed. And that is what I did.
In the shower, under the hot water, I cried hard. I didn't want to scare NYEBoy, so I didn't scream like I wanted to, but I sobbed, hard, stomach knotting, throat tingling hard. I haven't cried like this for the first time since A left. I needed it, but it left me exhausted and spent.
On Monday, I printed off my post I wrote last week to show the therapist my struggle. I told her I felt bi-polar-ish lately. One day I feel fine, the next day I'm emotional again. I told her about my dream. She assured me that I am not bi-polar nor am I crazy. She told me it was normal GRIEF. She told me it was OK to cry. It's OK to feel upset. She said it's not Guilt I should have been feeling, because guilt implies I did something wrong, and I didn't. It's grief.
Two days later, I am starting to get back on the upswing again. Grief is hard. I have nothing to feel guilty about because those things are out of my control. Grief can be triggered by things you least expect, the 3 month anniversary, the little girl's summer clothes, the food, the classmate's parents. All of it together.
I miss her so much.
As soon as we got to the door, in walked K. I played dumb and told her we were going to school. It was like I was a child and had just got caught doing something bad. K said "No." and grabbed A's hand and walked off. I walked outside devastated. I hadn't started crying until I rounded the front porch and saw my Mom. I told her what had happened. "I tried to take A to school, but K isn't letting me." I said as I started to cry. My mom didn't say anything. Then, I noticed one of my Aunt's who I hardly talk to and she started mocking me. "Wah, K won't let me take A to school. *fake cries*", she said condescendingly.
All I could do was sit in the driveway and cry. Hard.
Suddenly, I woke up sweating and it was storming outside. I wasn't in TaIIahassee. I wasn't in my childhood home. I wasn't sitting in a driveway. I was laying in the bed at the hotel in 0rlando.
I couldn't go back to sleep. So, I watched the storm pass. By the time NYEBoy woke up, it had been several hours, and those feelings of helplessness had passed.
That is, until I went to Walmart later that afternoon. After passing the little girl's clothes, I nearly lost it. I missed A soo much. Everything around me was reminding me of her. The Cheetos, the yogurts, the fresh fruit and vegetables. I made it out of Walmart without turning into a sobbing crazy lady, but I was emotionally spent for the day.
I had to run to Publix for some organic Milk after I dropped off the first load of groceries, and of course I ran into one of A's classmates parents. By the time I got home, I could only muster a shower and bed. And that is what I did.
In the shower, under the hot water, I cried hard. I didn't want to scare NYEBoy, so I didn't scream like I wanted to, but I sobbed, hard, stomach knotting, throat tingling hard. I haven't cried like this for the first time since A left. I needed it, but it left me exhausted and spent.
On Monday, I printed off my post I wrote last week to show the therapist my struggle. I told her I felt bi-polar-ish lately. One day I feel fine, the next day I'm emotional again. I told her about my dream. She assured me that I am not bi-polar nor am I crazy. She told me it was normal GRIEF. She told me it was OK to cry. It's OK to feel upset. She said it's not Guilt I should have been feeling, because guilt implies I did something wrong, and I didn't. It's grief.
Two days later, I am starting to get back on the upswing again. Grief is hard. I have nothing to feel guilty about because those things are out of my control. Grief can be triggered by things you least expect, the 3 month anniversary, the little girl's summer clothes, the food, the classmate's parents. All of it together.
I miss her so much.
Tuesday, May 17
Low Amylose Lunch
My lunch varies depending if I am eating at home, school, or if I go out with someone to eat.
If I am eating at home, my lunch is typically 3 slices of Applegate organic deli meat, ½ a cucumber sliced, apple slices, a fruit salad (see breakfast), and a slice of cheese. Sometimes I'll have a no-sugar added yogurt or a sugar-free pudding. I also like to toss a few nuts on my plate, I prefer cashews or pistachios.
If I don’t bring the above lunch with me to school, then I will likely bring a ReadyPac salad, plain Greek yogurt with honey, and a little fruit salad.
If I go out to eat for lunch, I try get a salad.
My lunches are pretty boring.
A couple of other ideas I have done or thought about is soup, chili, or Hebrew National beef hot dogs instead of the deli meat.
If I am eating at home, my lunch is typically 3 slices of Applegate organic deli meat, ½ a cucumber sliced, apple slices, a fruit salad (see breakfast), and a slice of cheese. Sometimes I'll have a no-sugar added yogurt or a sugar-free pudding. I also like to toss a few nuts on my plate, I prefer cashews or pistachios.
If I don’t bring the above lunch with me to school, then I will likely bring a ReadyPac salad, plain Greek yogurt with honey, and a little fruit salad.
If I go out to eat for lunch, I try get a salad.
My lunches are pretty boring.
A couple of other ideas I have done or thought about is soup, chili, or Hebrew National beef hot dogs instead of the deli meat.
Monday, May 16
His and Her Grocery List
I know I said I would blog about our trip this weekend more today, but I had an emotional day yesterday and a therapy appointment today, and I'm kind of tired. Instead, I'll leave you today with a his and her grocery list from my trip to the store yesterday afternoon.
Her:
Cucumbers
Apple Slices
Organic Chicken
Organic Hamburger Meat
Sausage
Organic Eggs
Organic Turkey
Organic Cheese
Organic Milk
Nuts
Him:
Soft, Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies
Gatorade
Coke
Oatmeal Raisin Cookies
Cheese Doritos
...and any other good stuff
We're a house divided.
Her:
Cucumbers
Apple Slices
Organic Chicken
Organic Hamburger Meat
Sausage
Organic Eggs
Organic Turkey
Organic Cheese
Organic Milk
Nuts
Him:
Soft, Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies
Gatorade
Coke
Oatmeal Raisin Cookies
Cheese Doritos
...and any other good stuff
We're a house divided.
Sunday, May 15
Meeting Maria
When I found out Maria was playing on the DigiTour, I bought my tickets as soon as the video stopped playing. I bought two tickets, not knowing exactly who I would be going with. I knew who it wouldn't be. NYEBoy. You know, since it's not his kind of thing. I asked a few girlfriends, but none of them seemed to excited or interested, so I figured I would beg ask my brother to go with me since he moved to 0rlando. All I had to do was say "I'll buy you a beer, too!" and it's like magic. ::cue the fairy dust::
I wasn't looking forward to driving to 0rlando by myself, so I talked with NYEBoy on Friday after he got off work and we decided we would make it a date night type of thing. We've both been really busy with work and school, and lately, the weekends are the times we get to catch up.
I had a schedule planned out as to when I wanted to leave, but being the workaholic that NYEBoy is, he pushed my plan out the window by an hour and a half. Once we got in town, it was less than two hours until show time. I had to unload the carload of things I brought for my brotherbecause I am an awesome sister. Then we had to find a hotel, you know, because we were trying to be spontaneous like that. After about thirty minutes of phone calls, we finally wound up at the Double Tree hotel across from Universal Studios. We checked in, I got ready, and NYEBoy took me back to my brother's place since he was going with me.
As if we weren't running late enough, we ran into traffic from hell. We got to the club at the time it started, but we still had to find parking. Of course, being late, I wasn't shocked to walk in and be stuck behind a bunch of tall ass people. I heard Maria playing and I was totally bummed. Luckily, my brother's friend helped push me through to the other side of the stage so we could see better. It was better, not great, but better.
I've met several people offline before that I had originally formed a relationship with online. So, meeting Maria wasn't going to be "weird" in that sense to me, but I was a tad nervous. (Aren't we all at first?) Having said that, meeting someone face-to-face is different than listening to them sing. It was an amazing experience for me. I've been listening to Maria's songs on YouTube for years, but to hear her in person, was an honor.
After Maria sang, she came off stage. I wasn't sure where we would meet up at, and since I had only come to the show to see her perform and to meet her, I went over to where my brother and his friend were to hang out. Well, it wasn't long for Maria to come from behind the stage. Several people were hugging her and talking to her, so I kinda stayed back waiting for that moment to introduce myself. Except, I didn't have to do that. Out of the corner of her eye, she must have seen me, because she squealed and threw her arms out towards me.
We hugged several times and talked for a little bit. Since she had just got off stage, we weren't able to talk very long because you know, I wasn't the only one there who wanted to see her. Ha.
After it calmed down a bit, Maria and I caught up again by taking lots of pictures* and talking some more. I have to say I wish I lived closer to her. She's totally the type of girlfriend you would want to have. She's beautiful, sweet, and down to earth. We both commented to each other about how short we are. Seriously, she barely has an inch on me. I love it. (I love being short!)
After catching up some more, I knew I needed to head back to the hotel since NYEBoy and I hadn't had dinner. Maria, being the awesome person that she is, not only gave me a CD and picture of her, but she autographed both and wrote me the sweetest note.
It was so nice to finally meet her face-to-face. I can't wait until we meet again. Hopefully next time, we might be able to hang out a little bit more--Starbucks style!
On the way back to the hotel, my brother told me he didn't think Maria was going to know who I was. He said he thought I was full of shit. LOL! His older sister isn't the "dork" he thinks she is.
My brother dropped me off at my hotel after I bought him a pack of beer and some gas...
More on the rest of our trip tomorrow.
*All of my pictures turned out like shit. I guess that's what happens when you have two drunk guys trying to take your picture with a cellphone. I'm hoping Maria got a good one of us that I can share later.
I wasn't looking forward to driving to 0rlando by myself, so I talked with NYEBoy on Friday after he got off work and we decided we would make it a date night type of thing. We've both been really busy with work and school, and lately, the weekends are the times we get to catch up.
I had a schedule planned out as to when I wanted to leave, but being the workaholic that NYEBoy is, he pushed my plan out the window by an hour and a half. Once we got in town, it was less than two hours until show time. I had to unload the carload of things I brought for my brother
As if we weren't running late enough, we ran into traffic from hell. We got to the club at the time it started, but we still had to find parking. Of course, being late, I wasn't shocked to walk in and be stuck behind a bunch of tall ass people. I heard Maria playing and I was totally bummed. Luckily, my brother's friend helped push me through to the other side of the stage so we could see better. It was better, not great, but better.
I've met several people offline before that I had originally formed a relationship with online. So, meeting Maria wasn't going to be "weird" in that sense to me, but I was a tad nervous. (Aren't we all at first?) Having said that, meeting someone face-to-face is different than listening to them sing. It was an amazing experience for me. I've been listening to Maria's songs on YouTube for years, but to hear her in person, was an honor.
After Maria sang, she came off stage. I wasn't sure where we would meet up at, and since I had only come to the show to see her perform and to meet her, I went over to where my brother and his friend were to hang out. Well, it wasn't long for Maria to come from behind the stage. Several people were hugging her and talking to her, so I kinda stayed back waiting for that moment to introduce myself. Except, I didn't have to do that. Out of the corner of her eye, she must have seen me, because she squealed and threw her arms out towards me.
We hugged several times and talked for a little bit. Since she had just got off stage, we weren't able to talk very long because you know, I wasn't the only one there who wanted to see her. Ha.
After it calmed down a bit, Maria and I caught up again by taking lots of pictures* and talking some more. I have to say I wish I lived closer to her. She's totally the type of girlfriend you would want to have. She's beautiful, sweet, and down to earth. We both commented to each other about how short we are. Seriously, she barely has an inch on me. I love it. (I love being short!)
After catching up some more, I knew I needed to head back to the hotel since NYEBoy and I hadn't had dinner. Maria, being the awesome person that she is, not only gave me a CD and picture of her, but she autographed both and wrote me the sweetest note.
It was so nice to finally meet her face-to-face. I can't wait until we meet again. Hopefully next time, we might be able to hang out a little bit more--Starbucks style!
On the way back to the hotel, my brother told me he didn't think Maria was going to know who I was. He said he thought I was full of shit. LOL! His older sister isn't the "dork" he thinks she is.
My brother dropped me off at my hotel after I bought him a pack of beer and some gas...
More on the rest of our trip tomorrow.
*All of my pictures turned out like shit. I guess that's what happens when you have two drunk guys trying to take your picture with a cellphone. I'm hoping Maria got a good one of us that I can share later.
Saturday, May 14
We're Heading South!
NYEBoy and I are headed south.
We're going to 0rlando to the DigiTour to see Maria Zouroudis play.
I say we, but I really mean me.
These types of things aren't NYEBoy's types of things.
He's riding with me.
To keep the hotel room warm.
Speaking of hotels, we don't have a reservation.
We're going to be spontaneous like that.
I'm looking forward to riding down there with NYEBoy.
And meeting Maria.
And having dinner and grown-up time with NYEBoy.
Oh, and you know, seeing my brother again.
He's going with me to see Maria.
These types of things aren't his types of things either.
But, I can buy him a beer and he'll go.
Brothers are cool like that.
We're going to 0rlando to the DigiTour to see Maria Zouroudis play.
I say we, but I really mean me.
These types of things aren't NYEBoy's types of things.
He's riding with me.
To keep the hotel room warm.
Speaking of hotels, we don't have a reservation.
We're going to be spontaneous like that.
I'm looking forward to riding down there with NYEBoy.
And meeting Maria.
And having dinner and grown-up time with NYEBoy.
Oh, and you know, seeing my brother again.
He's going with me to see Maria.
These types of things aren't his types of things either.
But, I can buy him a beer and he'll go.
Brothers are cool like that.
Friday, May 13
200 Words
I'm officially joining my church in a few weeks.
They want a 200 word blurb about me.
Who am I?
Some days, I'm not sure who I am.
They want a 200 word blurb about me.
Who am I?
Some days, I'm not sure who I am.
Thursday, May 12
A Little Bit of Nothing
I haven't lost any more weight, but I haven't gained any either. I've also hit a brick wall with spinach. I think I'm going to have to stop eating it with my eggs for a few days to see if that helps.
Speaking of, I dreamt about bread and potatoes last night. LOL Do you think someone is missing them? Ha!
I started my Constitution class yesterday. It's over two hours, but only once a week for six weeks. The professor seems really nice. My classmates are a talkative bunch, which I love. I hate boring classes where the professor speaks in monotone.
I haven't been able to study like I want this week. By the time I get home I'm exhausted and pass out shortly after getting home. I'm hoping to catch up on my studying tomorrow since I don't have class on Fridays.
I'm heading to 0rlando Saturday for a concert. I'm so excited! If you want to meet up, drop me an email.
I know there was a few other things I was going to blog about, but I can't think of them right now. I hope you all have a wonderful day.
Speaking of, I dreamt about bread and potatoes last night. LOL Do you think someone is missing them? Ha!
I started my Constitution class yesterday. It's over two hours, but only once a week for six weeks. The professor seems really nice. My classmates are a talkative bunch, which I love. I hate boring classes where the professor speaks in monotone.
I haven't been able to study like I want this week. By the time I get home I'm exhausted and pass out shortly after getting home. I'm hoping to catch up on my studying tomorrow since I don't have class on Fridays.
I'm heading to 0rlando Saturday for a concert. I'm so excited! If you want to meet up, drop me an email.
I know there was a few other things I was going to blog about, but I can't think of them right now. I hope you all have a wonderful day.
Wednesday, May 11
Guilt
Yesterday I felt pretty good. It was my second day in a new semester. I had an appointment on Monday with my therapist and I didn't have any big complaints. I've worked out the car situation that was stressing me. I felt, dare I say it, happy.
When I woke up this morning, I wasn't cheery. I'm tired. Even though I slept twelve hours last night. I ate my breakfast, but still didn't feel peppy. I don't feel pretty. I feel, down.
I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, but then I just realized what it was. Tomorrow it will be three months since A went back. Three months. A hundred and twenty days. God, I fucking miss her. I miss her smile. I miss hugs. I miss her love. I miss her attitude. I miss her spunk. I miss it all.
I feel guilty for having fun with my friends and continuing with my education when she's being swung back and forth between family members acting as babysitters instead of being at school with her friends.
I know it's not a rational thought. I did everything I could to ensure she have a bright future. A judge took that away. Her grandfather took that away. Her mother continues to take that away from her.
But, still. It's hard. It's so fucking hard.
When I woke up this morning, I wasn't cheery. I'm tired. Even though I slept twelve hours last night. I ate my breakfast, but still didn't feel peppy. I don't feel pretty. I feel, down.
I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, but then I just realized what it was. Tomorrow it will be three months since A went back. Three months. A hundred and twenty days. God, I fucking miss her. I miss her smile. I miss hugs. I miss her love. I miss her attitude. I miss her spunk. I miss it all.
I feel guilty for having fun with my friends and continuing with my education when she's being swung back and forth between family members acting as babysitters instead of being at school with her friends.
I know it's not a rational thought. I did everything I could to ensure she have a bright future. A judge took that away. Her grandfather took that away. Her mother continues to take that away from her.
But, still. It's hard. It's so fucking hard.
Tuesday, May 10
Calculating My Love
Can I tell you a secret?
I'm a girl.
And slightly nerdy.
Hence the reason I am majoring in mathematics.
I've never had a calculator that wasn't from the dollar bin.
Which is fine.
Math isn't about calculators.
It's about being able to do it sans a calculator.
But finally.
My course has required one of those over $100 calculators.
And I couldn't be more happy.
Why?
Because of this beauty.
Have you seen anything more beautiful.
For a math major.
For a nerd.
For a girl?
Be still my heart, let me calculate the ways I love the.
I'm a girl.
And slightly nerdy.
Hence the reason I am majoring in mathematics.
I've never had a calculator that wasn't from the dollar bin.
Which is fine.
Math isn't about calculators.
It's about being able to do it sans a calculator.
But finally.
My course has required one of those over $100 calculators.
And I couldn't be more happy.
Why?
Because of this beauty.
Have you seen anything more beautiful.
For a math major.
For a nerd.
For a girl?
Be still my heart, let me calculate the ways I love the.
Monday, May 9
Low Amylose Breakfast
A week into this new diet "lifestyle" change, I am down 8lbs and I only cheated once. When we went to the movie I was thirsty and had some Sprite and then of course I had to have popcorn so I had about 1/3 of a small popcorn.
I was going to do one blog post on the foods I am eating, but I decided to break it up into 3-4 posts. I'll do my typical breakfast for your first.
I'm only a week into this, but so far, I've pretty much had the same thing for breakfast every day. Two scrambled eggs, a meat, some greens, a fruit salad, and drink.
I use organic/natural eggs that are hormone free with no antibiotics. I get them from a local health food store, Publix, or Walmart. It just depends where I end up when I run out.
The meat I use is either precut sausage patties or Applegate smoked turkey breast. You could also have bacon, I just didn't have any last week. I also use Applegate's bacon when I eat it because it's natural with no hormones/antibiotics added.
The greens I've had are either spinach or cucumbers. If I do spinach, I add it to the eggs, if I do cucumbers, I just slice half a cucumber and put it on the plate.
My fruit salad has varied day to day depending on what I have, except I have had apples every day. I get the precut apple slices. It would be cheaper to slice your own, but I'm trying to make it easy on myself to eat like this so, the less work I have to put in, the more likely I am to continue on. Besides apple slices, I also have had grapes, watermelon, pineapple, and mandrian oranges. I picked up some peaches today too. For the mandrian oranges and peaches I use the Dole plastic containers that are in 100% fruit juice.
As for my drinks, it depends on my mood. I'll mix it up between 2% organic milk, Ocean Spray's 100% Fruit and Vegetable juice, or water. Sunday I went to Starbucks and had an unsweet black tea, but I didn't drink it all so this morning I had the rest with my breakfast.
When I do my eggs, it typically looks like this. While the sausage is cooking, I scrambled my eggs with a little organic milk and a dash each of sea salt and cracked pepper. I take 1 slice of Sargento or Cabot's reduced fat cheese and break it into quarters and each of those into quarters. If I do spinach, I cook a pack of frozen spinach, then drain it and I keep it in a sealed container in the fridge to pull out and use over a few days. I also have some natural olives and I like to slice 3-4 up to add into the scrambled eggs.
After the sausage is cooked, I clean the pan and add a cap full of extra virgin olive oil into the pan to heat for about thirty seconds. Then I pour in the egg and milk mixture, the now sixteen cheese squares, a few sliced olives, and some spinach. I cover it and let it cook, flipping it occasionally.
While the eggs are cooking, I get my plate together. Now, I know you're thinking you can't afford this prettypaper plate but you can totally use whatever you have on hand. Ha! I typically add 2-4 small pickle midgets or even 2-3 green olives for a little crunch and salty kick.
Sometimes I can eat all of the eggs, sometimes I can't. That's about 3/4th the mixture on my plate. I added a lot of spinach today so I couldn't eat all that it cooked up.
You could add your meat into your eggs if you wanted, but I prefer to have my meat seperate from the eggs.
I really do feel FULL when I get done eating, but it isn't that OMG.IM.GOING.TO.BARF full feeling. And yes, I do miss my buttered toast with eggs, but really I don't have bread in the house so I don't even think about it much.
I was going to do one blog post on the foods I am eating, but I decided to break it up into 3-4 posts. I'll do my typical breakfast for your first.
I'm only a week into this, but so far, I've pretty much had the same thing for breakfast every day. Two scrambled eggs, a meat, some greens, a fruit salad, and drink.
I use organic/natural eggs that are hormone free with no antibiotics. I get them from a local health food store, Publix, or Walmart. It just depends where I end up when I run out.
The meat I use is either precut sausage patties or Applegate smoked turkey breast. You could also have bacon, I just didn't have any last week. I also use Applegate's bacon when I eat it because it's natural with no hormones/antibiotics added.
The greens I've had are either spinach or cucumbers. If I do spinach, I add it to the eggs, if I do cucumbers, I just slice half a cucumber and put it on the plate.
My fruit salad has varied day to day depending on what I have, except I have had apples every day. I get the precut apple slices. It would be cheaper to slice your own, but I'm trying to make it easy on myself to eat like this so, the less work I have to put in, the more likely I am to continue on. Besides apple slices, I also have had grapes, watermelon, pineapple, and mandrian oranges. I picked up some peaches today too. For the mandrian oranges and peaches I use the Dole plastic containers that are in 100% fruit juice.
As for my drinks, it depends on my mood. I'll mix it up between 2% organic milk, Ocean Spray's 100% Fruit and Vegetable juice, or water. Sunday I went to Starbucks and had an unsweet black tea, but I didn't drink it all so this morning I had the rest with my breakfast.
When I do my eggs, it typically looks like this. While the sausage is cooking, I scrambled my eggs with a little organic milk and a dash each of sea salt and cracked pepper. I take 1 slice of Sargento or Cabot's reduced fat cheese and break it into quarters and each of those into quarters. If I do spinach, I cook a pack of frozen spinach, then drain it and I keep it in a sealed container in the fridge to pull out and use over a few days. I also have some natural olives and I like to slice 3-4 up to add into the scrambled eggs.
After the sausage is cooked, I clean the pan and add a cap full of extra virgin olive oil into the pan to heat for about thirty seconds. Then I pour in the egg and milk mixture, the now sixteen cheese squares, a few sliced olives, and some spinach. I cover it and let it cook, flipping it occasionally.
While the eggs are cooking, I get my plate together. Now, I know you're thinking you can't afford this pretty
Sometimes I can eat all of the eggs, sometimes I can't. That's about 3/4th the mixture on my plate. I added a lot of spinach today so I couldn't eat all that it cooked up.
You could add your meat into your eggs if you wanted, but I prefer to have my meat seperate from the eggs.
I really do feel FULL when I get done eating, but it isn't that OMG.IM.GOING.TO.BARF full feeling. And yes, I do miss my buttered toast with eggs, but really I don't have bread in the house so I don't even think about it much.
Sunday, May 8
Happy Mother's Day
Why am I supposed to be happy about today?
Oh, wait. I'm not.
I'm not a mother.
Just a daughter.
Just a sister.
Just an aunt.
Not just a daughter, sister, or aunt.
I'm an infertile daughter, sister, and aunt.
At least this year I won't have to pretend that my sister is a wonderful mother.
I could send my mom an email, but since she hasn't responded to my emails or phone calls for nearly a month, what's the point in trying today?
Instead of celebrating motherhood, I'll be pretending it doesn't exist.
Oh wait, I won't be able to.
As the universe would have it, I have nursery duty at church. ON MOTHER'S DAY. FML.
Oh, wait. I'm not.
I'm not a mother.
Just a daughter.
Just a sister.
Just an aunt.
Not just a daughter, sister, or aunt.
I'm an infertile daughter, sister, and aunt.
At least this year I won't have to pretend that my sister is a wonderful mother.
I could send my mom an email, but since she hasn't responded to my emails or phone calls for nearly a month, what's the point in trying today?
Instead of celebrating motherhood, I'll be pretending it doesn't exist.
Oh wait, I won't be able to.
As the universe would have it, I have nursery duty at church. ON MOTHER'S DAY. FML.
Saturday, May 7
Winners Announced!
Thank you to those who participated in my giveaways for National Infertility Awareness Week!
Monday's winner is Kristin.
Tuesday's winner is Hoot.
Wednesday's winner is Jodi.
Thursday's winner is Rachel.
Friday's winner is Jodi.
Congrats, ladies! Please email me your mailing addresses.
Winners were picked via Random.org.
Monday's winner is Kristin.
Tuesday's winner is Hoot.
Wednesday's winner is Jodi.
Thursday's winner is Rachel.
Friday's winner is Jodi.
Congrats, ladies! Please email me your mailing addresses.
Winners were picked via Random.org.
Friday, May 6
Getting Easier
Sunday I read The Subfertile Frugalista's post and I decided to start my "lifestyle" change on Monday. I say lifestyle with quotes, because I am not pressuring myself to do this forever. I want to take it day by day or hour by hour if I need to without beating myself up over it.
The first two days were by far the worst. I'm talking headaches and withdrawal symptoms galore! Have you seen the commercial for the show Addicted To Food where the black lady is throwing up and crying? Before I started this change, I thought drama queen, but those first two days, I TOTALLY wanted to walk around the house doing that. Slowly, it's been easier every day that passes.
Tonight when we went out for dinner, I ordered an unsweetened tea and I LIKED IT. Of course it would taste EVEN better with as if it dropped the UN and added some sugar, but I drank two glasses and didn't complain.
I'm so proud of myself. I've ate healthy before, but I never took into consideration the PCOS and sugar/carbs effect. I'll be honest and say I've only exercised one day this week, but I hope to get back to doing some more this weekend and into next week. I'll probably start keeping a food log and posting it once a week in case anyone is interested in doing the same thing and need ideas on what to eat.
So, do you want to know how much weight I've lost since Sunday, five days ago?
7 lbs! I realize most of it is likely water weight, but considering I'm not taking diet pills and I've changed what I eat even more, I am totally taking credit for sticking to it and losing the weight.
I'm excited to see what tomorrow brings. I CAN DO THIS! (And you can doo, if you want to!)
The first two days were by far the worst. I'm talking headaches and withdrawal symptoms galore! Have you seen the commercial for the show Addicted To Food where the black lady is throwing up and crying? Before I started this change, I thought drama queen, but those first two days, I TOTALLY wanted to walk around the house doing that. Slowly, it's been easier every day that passes.
Tonight when we went out for dinner, I ordered an unsweetened tea and I LIKED IT. Of course it would taste EVEN better with as if it dropped the UN and added some sugar, but I drank two glasses and didn't complain.
I'm so proud of myself. I've ate healthy before, but I never took into consideration the PCOS and sugar/carbs effect. I'll be honest and say I've only exercised one day this week, but I hope to get back to doing some more this weekend and into next week. I'll probably start keeping a food log and posting it once a week in case anyone is interested in doing the same thing and need ideas on what to eat.
So, do you want to know how much weight I've lost since Sunday, five days ago?
7 lbs! I realize most of it is likely water weight, but considering I'm not taking diet pills and I've changed what I eat even more, I am totally taking credit for sticking to it and losing the weight.
I'm excited to see what tomorrow brings. I CAN DO THIS! (And you can doo, if you want to!)
Thursday, May 5
I've Got Coverage
NYEBoy started a new job last November or so. He was offered a full time position with them at the beginning of the year, but didn't accept it until last month. He had to weigh the options with school and such, but ultimately decided to go accept the offer.
He was given full benefits including health insurance. His boss referred to it as the "Porshe" of insurance policies. I jokingly told him I wanted to check to see if it had infertility coverage. He smiled and told me he would find out.
He brought home the book tonight and said "I got my insurance information and I even did you a favor and checked for infertility coverage. It says something, but I'm not sure the details."
I ran outside to grab the book. The whole time I'm thinking to myself, if he has coverage, I totally want to do this, but what about school?
I flipped through the book and found the information. There is coverage, but it's only $2,000 lifetime maximum. I laughed. That would barely cover anything and totally wouldn't be worth stopping school for.
So, I'm back to waiting. If some things go as planned with his job though, we may think about starting surrogacy next year. It's not a sure thing, but he's looking for a big payday and we could afford treatments then, but I wouldn't want to stop school to do treatments and a possible pregnancy half way through my college career.
Who knows what the future holds. It was a nice fleeting thought though!
He was given full benefits including health insurance. His boss referred to it as the "Porshe" of insurance policies. I jokingly told him I wanted to check to see if it had infertility coverage. He smiled and told me he would find out.
He brought home the book tonight and said "I got my insurance information and I even did you a favor and checked for infertility coverage. It says something, but I'm not sure the details."
I ran outside to grab the book. The whole time I'm thinking to myself, if he has coverage, I totally want to do this, but what about school?
I flipped through the book and found the information. There is coverage, but it's only $2,000 lifetime maximum. I laughed. That would barely cover anything and totally wouldn't be worth stopping school for.
So, I'm back to waiting. If some things go as planned with his job though, we may think about starting surrogacy next year. It's not a sure thing, but he's looking for a big payday and we could afford treatments then, but I wouldn't want to stop school to do treatments and a possible pregnancy half way through my college career.
Who knows what the future holds. It was a nice fleeting thought though!
Wednesday, May 4
Silver Lining
if you can't change it,
change the way you think about it."
~Mary Engelbreit~
Yesterday the phone rang with good news. Today the phone rang with bad news.
You want to hear the good news first?
I was approved for in state tuition. NYEBoy and I were both shocked, not because we didn't think I would get it, but because we thought it would take a few more hoops, including a face-to-face showdown.
That news? I like.
Today we found out the plans to move fell through. The owner to the place became a little crazy and then called and told me he had someone else sign paperwork and pay a deposit.
That news? I didn't like.
Instead of being upset since I can't change what transpired, I'm going to count my blessings. We now don't have to pay for two rental payments through the summer. I can also not have to worry about packing and moving in the middle of a semester.
Having said all of that... if my dream place could please fall in my lap so I don't have to go looking for it, I would be very, very thankful.
Tuesday, May 3
PCOS & Diet
"If you would stop drinking so many cokes, you would lose weight."
"If you would stop eating so much, you would lose weight."
I've heard these things since I hit puberty and started gaining a little weight. Even if I didn't "feel fat" people around me apparently thought I was. I weighed no more than 135lbs up until probably about five years ago. Oh what I wouldn't give to weigh 135lbs right now. I started really gaining a lot of weight about three years ago. I currently weigh the most I ever have.
I quit drinking coke in December, five months later, I don't notice a big difference in my weight. I'll be honest and to say that makes it a little harder to stay away from them. If it doesn't help me lose weight, why not drink something I enjoy? Even so, I've resisted.
After watching The Subfertile Frugalista blog about how her doctor put her on a low amylose diet to get her PCOS under control. She tells me the low amylose diet is very similar to the Atkins diet.
The basic rules are
Avoid all simple sugars.
Avoid vegetables that grown underground (exceptions for garlic and onions)
Avoid wheat, rice, rye, barely, and oats
Avoid bananas.
Avoid foods enriched with maltodextrins or corn syrup.
Do eat at least 6 oz of protein every day.
Do eat at least 3 servings of above ground veggies and fruit every day.
Milk and butter are OK.
Breakfast options:
Eggs, bacon, sausage, fruit, smoothies (sugar free!), cheese
Lunch options:
Salad (minus crouton), chicken salad, tuna salad, egg salad, soup, fruit
Dinner options:
meat, veggies, soup, fruit
You can read her blog for more info. I don't have much information other than her blog. I did google for some information and some websites suggest that popcorn and corn based chips are okay, but since I'm not seeing a nutritionist or know any more, I'm not sure. I'm leaning towards allowing it in moderation.
I'll let you know how it goes. I started exercising again last week, too.
I will say, this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. My head is killing me. I feel like I need to be EATING something. This was harder than dropping coke cold turkey.
Wish me luck. If you've been on this diet before, feel free to leave me a comment. I'll take any advice I can get.
"If you would stop eating so much, you would lose weight."
I've heard these things since I hit puberty and started gaining a little weight. Even if I didn't "feel fat" people around me apparently thought I was. I weighed no more than 135lbs up until probably about five years ago. Oh what I wouldn't give to weigh 135lbs right now. I started really gaining a lot of weight about three years ago. I currently weigh the most I ever have.
I quit drinking coke in December, five months later, I don't notice a big difference in my weight. I'll be honest and to say that makes it a little harder to stay away from them. If it doesn't help me lose weight, why not drink something I enjoy? Even so, I've resisted.
After watching The Subfertile Frugalista blog about how her doctor put her on a low amylose diet to get her PCOS under control. She tells me the low amylose diet is very similar to the Atkins diet.
The basic rules are
Avoid all simple sugars.
Avoid vegetables that grown underground (exceptions for garlic and onions)
Avoid wheat, rice, rye, barely, and oats
Avoid bananas.
Avoid foods enriched with maltodextrins or corn syrup.
Do eat at least 6 oz of protein every day.
Do eat at least 3 servings of above ground veggies and fruit every day.
Milk and butter are OK.
Breakfast options:
Eggs, bacon, sausage, fruit, smoothies (sugar free!), cheese
Lunch options:
Salad (minus crouton), chicken salad, tuna salad, egg salad, soup, fruit
Dinner options:
meat, veggies, soup, fruit
You can read her blog for more info. I don't have much information other than her blog. I did google for some information and some websites suggest that popcorn and corn based chips are okay, but since I'm not seeing a nutritionist or know any more, I'm not sure. I'm leaning towards allowing it in moderation.
I'll let you know how it goes. I started exercising again last week, too.
I will say, this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. My head is killing me. I feel like I need to be EATING something. This was harder than dropping coke cold turkey.
Wish me luck. If you've been on this diet before, feel free to leave me a comment. I'll take any advice I can get.
Monday, May 2
I've Never Come So Close To Going To Jail
I had an important meeting about two weeks ago with the lady at school who does recIassification. Apparently because I didn't work, buy a house, and a whole bunch of other things, I don't have proof I didn't move to FIorida to attend school. So, for the first year I have to pay out of state tuition and then get recIassified. Well, the lady gave me a list of things to get together and one of them was a copy of every lease since 2008 that we have had.
If you've been reading my blog long enough, you know our lease has been transferred between four companies at least five times in the last three years. The lady I've had the worst relationship with is a bitch name Kim. Enough about that, for now.
So I called the company last week and told them I needed a copy of our original lease with my name on it. The guy told me it was likely in storage and he would call me back the next day. Fast forward to today, a week later, and no one wants to answer my call. I finally decided to drive up there to talk to these dumbasses face-to-face. Of course no one knows who I talked to and they give me the run around before I start to get a little annoyed and tell them they are unacceptable. Finally they agree to go to storage to find a copy of the lease.
An hour later, I get a voice message telling me they found the lease but my name is no where on the lease and they can not help me. I call back to talk to Kim, but of course she won't answer and some other lady takes the call. I'm not sure who she is, but let's just call her Bitch. She more than earns that name.
We go back and forth for about ten minutes. She tells me there is nothing they can do. I tell her not only did I sign a lease when I first moved there in September 2008, my sister signed the lease when she moved in with us August 2009. She started yelling at me telling me it was MY problem not hers. She told me she couldn't talk to me about this any further because I wasn't on the lease.
My blood pressure was THROUGH the fucking roof. If I could have reached through the phone, I promise I would have choked the bitch. In fact, it was VERY, VERY hard not to go to their office and ask this lady if she had lost her fucking mind.
This office has the most incompetent staff I've ever dealt with. If my recIassification is messed up because of this lease, I swear I will sue them. When NYEBoy got off work I told him what happened and he was pissed. He said they may try to act like a bitch to me, but they wouldn't talk like that in front of him. We've ALWAYS been good tenants and they've ALWAYS treated us like shit.
I swear if I didn't have no sense I would have gone to jail today. And it would have totally been worth it to deck this lady out.
Tomorrow ought to be interesting. We'll be going up there together. I want that Kim lady to tell me to my face I hadn't been living there since 2008. I've got the emails printed out with discussions her and I have had about various things that needed to be done to the townhouse.
Wish us luck. I'm taking donations right now for my bail.
If you've been reading my blog long enough, you know our lease has been transferred between four companies at least five times in the last three years. The lady I've had the worst relationship with is a bitch name Kim. Enough about that, for now.
So I called the company last week and told them I needed a copy of our original lease with my name on it. The guy told me it was likely in storage and he would call me back the next day. Fast forward to today, a week later, and no one wants to answer my call. I finally decided to drive up there to talk to these dumbasses face-to-face. Of course no one knows who I talked to and they give me the run around before I start to get a little annoyed and tell them they are unacceptable. Finally they agree to go to storage to find a copy of the lease.
An hour later, I get a voice message telling me they found the lease but my name is no where on the lease and they can not help me. I call back to talk to Kim, but of course she won't answer and some other lady takes the call. I'm not sure who she is, but let's just call her Bitch. She more than earns that name.
We go back and forth for about ten minutes. She tells me there is nothing they can do. I tell her not only did I sign a lease when I first moved there in September 2008, my sister signed the lease when she moved in with us August 2009. She started yelling at me telling me it was MY problem not hers. She told me she couldn't talk to me about this any further because I wasn't on the lease.
My blood pressure was THROUGH the fucking roof. If I could have reached through the phone, I promise I would have choked the bitch. In fact, it was VERY, VERY hard not to go to their office and ask this lady if she had lost her fucking mind.
This office has the most incompetent staff I've ever dealt with. If my recIassification is messed up because of this lease, I swear I will sue them. When NYEBoy got off work I told him what happened and he was pissed. He said they may try to act like a bitch to me, but they wouldn't talk like that in front of him. We've ALWAYS been good tenants and they've ALWAYS treated us like shit.
I swear if I didn't have no sense I would have gone to jail today. And it would have totally been worth it to deck this lady out.
Tomorrow ought to be interesting. We'll be going up there together. I want that Kim lady to tell me to my face I hadn't been living there since 2008. I've got the emails printed out with discussions her and I have had about various things that needed to be done to the townhouse.
Wish us luck. I'm taking donations right now for my bail.
Sunday, May 1
Osama is Dead
By now, we've all heard that Osama Bin Laden is dead. Let me back up for a moment and bring you back to 2001. I wasn't a blogger. I was just a teenager. On September 11th, 2001, I was at home watching The Today Show waiting on one of the little ones I watch to be dropped off. My first though after seeing the second plane hit the building was "Mom, that building is going to fall down." She reassured me that they built those buildings to withstand such acts, but she was wrong. By the afternoon, I was sitting on the front porch with the other kids in the neighborhood talking about how "those towel heads didn't stand a chance." We were going to blow them all up.
Fast forward to October 7th, 2001. My mom knocks on my bedroom door. "They are bombing them." I cheered with my mother. "HELL YEAH!" As the other teenagers in our neighborhood gathered, we were all so happy.
Happily ignorant. Nearly 10 years later, I am now 27 years old and not nearly as ignorant as I was then. In fact, I am ashamed of my reactions. I shouldn't be though. I am just a product of my environment. It's not my fault. Instead, now, as an adult, who can choose how to think about issues, I have decided NOT to be an ignorant person. It does not make me a Christian to hate other religions. It makes me a Christian to embrace everyone, regardless of who they are and where they come from.
Someone just posted on Facebook with their ignorant comments about Muslims and I made a comment that Muslims were no more responsible for 9/11 than Christians were for the Oklahoma City bombings. Then, she tried to say I was defending "that towel head". It's during history making moments like this that you realize how ignorant some people are that you follow on Twitter or Facebook.
Instead of sitting on my front porch cheering for the death of Osama Bin Laden, I will be saying a prayer for EVERYONE who has been affected by his actions. I'm not sure if celebrate is the word I would be using right now, instead we need to reflect on what we lost and pray for a brighter future for everyone.
The only other thing I will say now is that I hope we bring our men and women home soon.
Fast forward to October 7th, 2001. My mom knocks on my bedroom door. "They are bombing them." I cheered with my mother. "HELL YEAH!" As the other teenagers in our neighborhood gathered, we were all so happy.
Happily ignorant. Nearly 10 years later, I am now 27 years old and not nearly as ignorant as I was then. In fact, I am ashamed of my reactions. I shouldn't be though. I am just a product of my environment. It's not my fault. Instead, now, as an adult, who can choose how to think about issues, I have decided NOT to be an ignorant person. It does not make me a Christian to hate other religions. It makes me a Christian to embrace everyone, regardless of who they are and where they come from.
Someone just posted on Facebook with their ignorant comments about Muslims and I made a comment that Muslims were no more responsible for 9/11 than Christians were for the Oklahoma City bombings. Then, she tried to say I was defending "that towel head". It's during history making moments like this that you realize how ignorant some people are that you follow on Twitter or Facebook.
Instead of sitting on my front porch cheering for the death of Osama Bin Laden, I will be saying a prayer for EVERYONE who has been affected by his actions. I'm not sure if celebrate is the word I would be using right now, instead we need to reflect on what we lost and pray for a brighter future for everyone.
The only other thing I will say now is that I hope we bring our men and women home soon.
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