What's the point of asking for help?
If I ask for help, are you going to bring A back?
If I ask for help, are you going to make me pregnant or give me my baby back?
If I ask for help, are you going to lose weight for me?
If I ask for help, am I suddenly going to feel the way I do before I look into the mirror or at my shadow?
If I ask for help, are you going to take my finals for me so I don't have to think?
What's the point of asking for help? There's nothing anyone else can do. Not one damn thing. No one can bring A back. No one can make me pregnant or give me my baby back. No one can make me feel the way I do before I look in the mirror.
I can't find time to go see the therapist at school because I am too busy with my classes and barely have a break for lunch, much less to go have her tell me I am feeling exactly the way I should be.
Of course I am feeling this way. It's the end of the semester. It's been almost 9 months from when I had to hand A over on that cold highway. It's been almost three months since the miscarriage. It's been a year since the family fall out.
So, what's the point? No one can do anything.
The pain is mine. I can't give it away. I cry hoping the tears take the pain out of my body, but it doesn't. It's still there.
I don't know what to do. I just don't know...