It's just been one of those days.
On the way to church, I remembered today's service was going to be centered around celebrating adoptions. I wasn't sure how I was going to handle it. I thought about turning around, but then I felt too guilty. I was already up and on my way, and so I forged on.
My heart cringed as they talked about those non-traditional families, whether it was adoptions through an agency, a friend, or a family member who took you in. And my heart ached for A and how much I missed her.
By the time I got home, I had no interest in studying, so I curled in the bed with my iPad and watched episodes of One Tree Hill on netflix. I set my alarm for 6, to remind me to get dressed so that I could go help at the homeless shelter. And I did.
But, as soon as I came home, I was back in the bed, curled up with the iPad, streaming more episodes of One Tree Hill.
I know I am going to school because it's the best thing for me, logically I realize that, but my heart aches to be a mother. I try so hard not to think about it, but I would be a third of the way through my pregnancy if it would have stuck around. But it didn't. And I'm not.
I'm going to try not to beat myself up too much about wasting a day in bed. My heart needed it. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.