Pretending It Didn't Happen

Before our womens group begins, we go around and share how we are doing. This is the first time I haven't had bad news, but it's also only been a week since our last meeting. I'll be more amazed if I can share two visits in a row that I have no bad news.

As I mentioned, yesterday was adoption celebration at church. One of the ladies mentioned how blessed and wonderful she felt, both as an adoptee and an adoptive parent. I just smiled. It wasn't as celebratory for me, and yes, she did have a lot to be celebratory for. But then, another adoptive mother, whom I'm becoming increasingly closer with, mentioned that she was dealing with the opposite reaction. Her three boys are I believe 4-8 years old, and the eldest is struggling a bit, as to be expected with someone who has dealt with so much in just his short years on this Earth. My heart nodded more in her direction as I agreed silently in my head.

After our group, we were standing and talking and I shared with her that yesterday was hard for me too. She asked how I was doing and said she was talking with someone and they weren't sure whether or not to say anything about A because on one hand they didn't want to upset me but on the other, they didn't want to pretend the whole situation didn't exist, either.

I immediately said "say something!" I HATE when people pretend this whole year didn't happen. Pretending it didn't happen doesn't make it go away. Ask me if I've talked to her. If I have, I'll tell you, and if I haven't I'll tell you that, too. I wrestle with the ups and downs whether or not someone speaks to me about it any way. Asking me about her or asking how I am doing, is okay.

It's not that I am wallowing in grief, but this is my first holiday season since the court hearing, and I am not sure if I am going to get to see A for Christmas, so it IS sad for me. This will be my first Thanksgiving I have missed since her first Thanksgiving. (I was out of town visiting my ex's family.)

Pretending it didn't happen doesn't make the heartache go away. Acknowledging the situation makes me thankful you care.