A month ago, I got my first cramp.
A few days later, I would realize that cramp wasn't just a cramp.
It was the end of a dream, a stab to the heart. It was over before it even began.
I don't remember how bad the pains felt exactly, but I do remember being in a fog because of them. And of course, there are several nearly empty bottles of pain pills with my name on the label in various places around the house, the kitchen cabinet, the bathroom, my office. Suttle reminders of what I was going through a month ago.
I can still see the blood, as if it was right in front of me. I've never seen so much blood.
The box holding the necklace NYEBoy bought me sits on my desk. His birthday is in two weeks. Oh, how awesome of a present would that have been?
I've been missing him/her for a month. I wish they could have stuck around longer.
I wonder if they miss me as much as I miss them?
I'd give anything to have them back.
7 comments:
I can relate. I just found out I was pregnant three weeks ago, and last week, 2 weeks to the day of when I found out we were expecting {finally, at 3 years of trying}, we found out our baby had stopped growing and that a miscarriage was imminent. I am still awaiting the actual miscarriage but we are heartbroken. I feel like we had just enough time to fall in love, just enough time to begin to imagine what could be, and now it's gone. I, too, would give anything to have him/her growing healthy and strong inside of me. Sending you lots of cyber hugs and comfort during this difficult time. No one should have to feel the numbing pain of loss. You are not alone. If you want, you can follow me at www.infertilemyrtleme.blogspot.com.
Lots of {{{hugs}}} and prayers for you sweetie.
Ugh. Just ugh. Sadly this resonates with me.
I know this pain all to well which is also why I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel any better :(
Im so sorry.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know grief can last a long time before true healing sets in. I hope you have all the support that you need to get through this, for as long as you need it.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you. This is a very moving post and I can feel how much you wanted this. Again, I'm so, so sorry.
Stopping by from ICLW and wanted to let you know I'm so sorry for your loss.
xoxo
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