What a whirlwind week. Last Friday, my biggest goal of the weekend was to study and get caught up in school work. That was all out of the window by Saturday evening. I've spent more time at the ER and doctors office than I have at school this week. The doctor confirmed the miscarriage today. She's told me to keep resting and then I can attempt to go back to school again on Monday.
It was over before it even began. I didn't get to see the elusive second line on a pregnancy test. I don't get a due date. I don't get to know the sex. I don't get dream about the nursery or pick out a carseat.
The only thing I get to pick out is whether I want Tylenol 3 or Lortab and whether I want to use super flow or regular flow tampons.
I've had four pelvic exams, peed in a cup three times, had two IVs, and a finger print. My vagina has been felt up more in the past week than ever in my life total. I've spent more hours hunched over in pain than I have studying.
Whatever it was, whenever it would have been due, it was desperately wanted for seven years. I won't get to spend next summer with it before classes start in the fall, instead I'll just be reminded what could have been had it not been over before it even began.
Thank you all for the tweets, texts, comments, and emails. I have the best friends in the world.
2011 is not my year.
13 comments:
Oh hun, I am so very very sorry! I'm in tears reading this. I wish there was more I could do. Sending you hugs.
I am so so sorry, hon. To be robbed of even the hope. Wishing you recovery and healing.
I am so sorry
I am so sorry
So very very sorry for your loss.
Oh honey, my heart is breaking for you. I am so damned sorry.
I'm so sorry. Miscarriage sucks enough as it is, but to wait seven years for this little one and then lose him/her is just too much. Thinking of you. (((hugs)))
I hate that you're going through this, and I'm not going to pull the dummest line ever "well, at least you know you can get pregnant"... what the fuck does that matter if you cant STAY pregnant... that's some shit to think about dumb ass.... (stepping off my soapbox!) sending love!
i'm sorry... i've been there. just as a warning, i did eventually find success, so if you don't want to look at my blog i 100% understand, because, like i said, i've been there. good luck to you. whatever baby dust i've got left is all yours.
I don't know what I could say other then (((hugs)))
I am so sorry to hear about this. What a nightmare. Sending you hugs.
I'm here from ICLW, and as a miscarriage survivor, I just want to say I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. There are never words to make someone going through what you are going through feel better. Just know that there is a huge community that is supporting you and sending you hugs. My condolences.
I'm sorry. It's an awful thing to have happen. :(
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