What a whirlwind week. Last Friday, my biggest goal of the weekend was to study and get caught up in school work. That was all out of the window by Saturday evening. I've spent more time at the ER and doctors office than I have at school this week. The doctor confirmed the miscarriage today. She's told me to keep resting and then I can attempt to go back to school again on Monday.
It was over before it even began. I didn't get to see the elusive second line on a pregnancy test. I don't get a due date. I don't get to know the sex. I don't get dream about the nursery or pick out a carseat.
The only thing I get to pick out is whether I want Tylenol 3 or Lortab and whether I want to use super flow or regular flow tampons.
I've had four pelvic exams, peed in a cup three times, had two IVs, and a finger print. My vagina has been felt up more in the past week than ever in my life total. I've spent more hours hunched over in pain than I have studying.
Whatever it was, whenever it would have been due, it was desperately wanted for seven years. I won't get to spend next summer with it before classes start in the fall, instead I'll just be reminded what could have been had it not been over before it even began.
Thank you all for the tweets, texts, comments, and emails. I have the best friends in the world.
2011 is not my year.