"The baby is with my mom."
"I think about the baby a lot."
"I took down the baby's bed this weekend."
Those are just a few things I said during the session with my therapist. About half way through our appointment, she adjusted her glasses and hair before starting a new subject.
"I don't want to tell you what to say or get upset with me," she said. "I have two grandbabies, two and five. Sometimes I refer to them as "my baby","
At that moment, I knew where this conversation was going.
She proceeded to share that sometimes we say "the baby" as if we are hanging on to that feeling of them being little and us wanting to protect them. She said they aren't babies at this age any more, four, nearly five. The are little boys and girls, children, growing up.
As she talked, my thumbs were rubbing together and I had to remind myself to breathe. I don't know why I refer to her as "the baby". I don't know if it's because I'm protecting her or if it's because I've always called her that. I don't feel like I'm hanging on to that to protect myself, it's just something I've always said when discussing her.
"I talked to the baby today."
"The baby is at grandma's today."
Later on during our conversation, I caught myself about to call her "the baby" and I felt ashamed. I changed it to her name. I felt like the therapist scored a point or something. Therapist - 1 Me - 0.
She's always going to be "the baby" to me. She'll be 15, and still "the baby".
Hell, I even called my grandma the other day and she said "Our baby is right here. Do you want to talk to her?"
I don't know want to feel ashamed for calling her "the baby". I don't feel like I am harboring those feelings of her still being here or something, but it's just what I say.
So A, you'll always be "the baby". I hope you don't mind.
3 comments:
It's a term of endearment.
My aunts still call me their baby niece...and i'm 26!
*hugs*
I've already informed my kids that they will still be my babies even when they are grown up and have kids of their own. Don't feel bad for calling her that. I think it's more a term of affection than a descriptive term.
I'm an only child... and 25 years old... from the day I was born til the day I die, I know without a doubt I will always be "Baby" from my mom and dad, or Krystle Baby from my god mother or uncle. It's a common term they all use for me. My dad will say something like, "Hi baby!" or "My baby!" or my mom will say, for instance just 2 seconds ago this was our conversation on our work instant messenger about me grabbing something out of her car...
Krystle: ok, i'll just grab them then.
Momma: you'll see my car, it's at the bottom of the ramp on P4, in the corner on the left
Momma: the stuff is in the back seat
Momma: ok Baby
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It's just how it is, and always will be and I'm okay with that too. It's a term of respect if you ask me... especially when my godmother or uncle call me Krystle Baby, it's just to show how much they love me. Same goes with my parents... I'll always be there baby, even when they're 95 and I'm 70! :)
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