Looming Emotions

I'm struggling with trying to find the 'right way' to handle my emotions about the impending court hearing in a month.

Do you put it out of your mind and ignore it until the last possible moment?

If you do that, and she stays, it was worth not stressing about. If you do that, and she doesn't stay, then you're left with wondering if you spent every moment possible soaking it all up.

If she stays, she won't feel the impact of the decision. If she leaves, is she going to be upset with having to leave us? Is she going to cry as much as I am?

If she stays, she'll go to school that next day, a Friday, not knowing what an impact this judge's decision was. If she has to leave, will she not get to say goodbye to her teachers and friends she's been with five days a week since August?

Do you keep the date in mind, knowing there is a chance you will have to give her up?

If you do that, and she stays, it was a lot of stress to deal with during the first four weeks of a semester. If you do that and she leaves, will you have spent the entire four weeks soaking up every moment?

If she stays, she won't know how close she came to having to leave us. If she leaves, you've tried to prepare yourself somewhat, even though you'll be crushed.

I'm looking forward to knowing we will have a decision made so that we can all learn to live with our new 'normal,' but I'm also nervous about the outcome as well.

I don't know what the right way is.

I don't even know if there is a right way.