The NYE In NYEBoy

Normally, this time of year, I post my yearly wrap up, along with an anniversary post, and a hope for the new year post, but since I've had a few technical issues, I've been unable to do so.

We've been visiting in TN for just over a week now. With issues arising before we got here, as well as during our trip, there has been a lot I would have liked to discuss, but felt it best to wait until we were back in FL to do so. We'll be heading back home to FL tomorrow. If it weren't for a very small handful of people, I wouldn't even come back.

Before we head back home though, we have to put the NYE in NYEBoy. Today is our anniversary. My mom begged offered to watch A for one night so we could get a break. This will be our last "hoorah" before the custody hearing a new semester in college. Although she will be down here in a month for the custody case, I can only imagine I heads aren't going to be on wanting to spend time with each other, but worried about where A will be at the end of that week.

This break is VERY much needed. We've been through a lot this past year, each personally and professionally, but also as a family. I thank God for bringing NYEBoy into my life and putting up with me. I know more than anyone, that I am a handful at times. I can be the sweetest person you know, but I'm very head strong and opinionated.

Thanks to a very generous heart, we're able to spend our anniversary doing what we do every year, dinner and a hotel. I'm even going to try to leave our laptops in our bags while we're there. We're going to dinner early, in hopes of avoiding the crowd and being at the hotel in time enough to catch F$U playing in their last bowl game of the year. We'll also flip between CNN and MTV for the New Years countdown, and after that, we'll find a mediocre local channel to watch the new year arrive in central time.

To my readers, thank you for being there and supporting me through out this past year. I can't let the year end without saying that, but I hope to have my yearly wrap up post soon.

To NYEBoy, Happy Anniversary, honey. Despite the crazy ride we've been on this past year especially, there is no other place I would rather be at the end of the day than in the warmth of your arms. I appreciate everything you have done for A and I both. You're a much better spouse than I'll ever be. I love you more today than I did yesterday, but not as much as I will tomorrow. Thank you for everything.

Just Another Christmas [+Update]

For the past several years, during Christmastime, bad things have happened to our family. I thought, being so close to Christmas this year, we would actually skip the madness. But, it wasn't to be.

When my family refused to help, we ended up getting help from someone to help cover the fees we owed. Sort of. This person was getting us a check, which was going to take two weeks, but then took another week to clear their bank, and it was supposed to be in my account yesterday. Knowing this was the plan, we took our rent money and paid the lawyer with it, and he said he could wait for this check to clear to get the other portion.

Well, I checked my bank yesterday, but it wasn't there. I checked again today, but still no luck. So, I went back after 2 pm to see if it was there yet. Nope, not there.

I called the person to ask them if they were sure they put it in the right account. While we went over the receipt over the phone the person realized they made the deposit at the wrong bank. No big deal, right? Just take the receipt in, explain the situation, get the money, and make the deposit into the right account at the right bank. Sure, it'll eff up things for a few days, but hopefully everyone would understand. Right?

Wrong. The bank told this person the money that was put into an actual, valid account at their bank. Not only that, the money was taken out of that account this morning. The person from the bank, told them they would have the manager call them back shortly.

So here we are, with rent, the lawyer, and another big bill due in less than a week. We needed to get this shit taken care of before we leave to go out of town tomorrow.

The bank is acting like there is nothing they can do, but my name and account number were written on the deposit slip. If the teller was doing their job, they should have at the VERY LEAST checked to make sure the name and account number where correct, had they done this, they would have noticed the mistake right then. That person could have then called me, who would have gone over everything again, and we would have both realized they were at the wrong bank.

I can't fathom, what person would take money out of their account knowing they didn't put it in there to begin with. It may be a few days before Christmas, but Santa isn't real. Money just doesn't magically appear in your bank account. Accidents happen.

Needless to say, both of us are sick to our stomachs waiting to see what the bank is going to do. I may need to leave sooner than planned, because all hell will break loose is they try to not give us the money back. Yes, the person made a mistake, but for fuck sake, isn't the bank teller responsible to at least VERIFY the account information beyond just an account number??

It's been one hell of a roller coaster in 2010 and I am ready to get the fuck off.

I need a break. We need a break.

[Update]
Just got a call. After threats of legal action, the bank finally put the money back in the account. We should be able to get everything settled in a day or two. THANK GOD. Okay now, enough with the drama for the year.

95%

The day after we got custody of A, I filed for her social security card. The day after I received it in the mail, I applied for insurance for her. I've been waiting for three months to hear back from them.

Before heading to school, children are required to have a physical and be up to date on their shots. Since K only took A to get one set of shots when she was ten months old, we new we had a long road ahead. Luckily, I was able to get her first set of shots in August. The poor kid had to have five shots, three in one arm, two in the other. We were due back for her second set around Thanksgiving.

Having waited three months to hear about A's insurance, but not having heard a thing, we decided to go ahead and pay out of pocket for her a physical. Despite the normal colds children pass around, she's been pretty healthy over the past few months. She's learning well at school, but I was still nervous about her hearing and vision test, especially since I have major issues with both.

Our girl is in the 95th for her weight and height. I believe the doctor's exact words were "There is no need to fatten this child up!" Her hearing and vision were fine as well. She got three shots this time, but since she knew how bad five shots hurt last time, I think she was more nervous about them this go around. She toughed it out, but there were tears shed. God willing, we go back in February for just one shot.

What hurt most wasn't having to see your child cry, but how much shit I got from the lack of vaccines she has received from the nurses. I was treated like a horrible parent/person until I explained, for the umpteenth time, that she is my niece and we just got temporary custody of her in August. I felt like a mama bear protesting her cub. I'm not a bad parent, back off! For the most part though, once you spell it out, they are usually nice to you and don't look down on you.

She's in the 95th percentile of children her age, but 100% the apple of our eyes. Love that kid. Speaking of, here's a picture of her before her Christmas party at school last week.



(Edit: I swear I need to write down what I want to say in my posts before beginning them, lately my brain is to fried to function. The irony is all of this? When we checked the mail this afternoon after getting A's shots, the denial for insurance was waiting for us. Tomorrow I have to go give them custody papers to get us back on track. Ugh.)

A Different Kind of Christmas

This will be my first Christmas that I won't be visiting family. After the fiasco that was Thanksgiving, not one person has called me, sent me an email, or a text message saying anything about it. I don't want to go sit in my aunts house and fake it just to exchange presents and gobble down some food. People need to realize they can't say the shit they did one minute, then act like everything is okay the next day, because it's not. The words that were exchanged hurt me. The words that weren't exchanged hurt me even more.

We'll be waking up at my mother's while A opens up her gifts from Santa. I am due at 10 am with A to my dad's house. I'll take her over there for her three hour visit before returning back to my mom's house. My mom will be taking the kidlet to my aunt's house, because she's oblivious to the hate for now. I'm not sure what NYEBoy and I will do. I might go visit a friend, or perhaps do some much needed studying.

It'll be different, for sure, but one of these years I'll get my ideal Christmas' back. I'll wake up with my kids on Christmas morning and take them to their grandma's house, where they won't have to worry about being yelled at or listen to their aunt talk shit about their mother.

What do you do for Christmas? Are you dealing with a dysfunctional family or have you cut ties as well? Or better yet, do you have that perfect Christmas? Tell me about it.

Cold Turkey

As a teenager, I drank anywhere from one to two-two liters a day of soda, either Coke or Dr. Pepper, every day. Over the years, it's dwindled down to several cans a day. Some days I could get by on two or three cans a day. Other days, it was more like six or maybe even more. I've always been fine with my addiction to coke. So be it if it made me a brat to demand cold soda with lots of ice and a straw. Get over it.

Over the past two years or so, my hormones have started to change. I know part of it has to do with the lack of periods, but also my weight gain. I weigh more now than I ever have and it sucks. I hate it. I hate feeling fat and ugly. I want to be that girl in the summer of 2007 who had more confidence in her body than she ever had before. I haven't really changed my soda habits in the past two years, but part of me has slowly wished she could stop drinking them to see if it helps.

Well, the upside to being sick, is the lack of taste. I haven't had a coke in one week. I miss it, of course. And if I had a cold one in my fridge, I could almost promise you I would down it. I've found the key to being a brat about her drinks, is to not put the coke in the fridge. I don't like hot coke poured over ice. So, the two packs of coke I have beside the fridge, are staying beside the fridge.

The headaches and exhaustion, which may be from the sinus congestion and being sick, or perhaps it is my body detoxing from all the soda, but whatever it is, it has lingered all week pretty strongly. I can't get enough sleep, and I have had a daily migraine for a week. Four Advil barely take the edge off the damn thing.

Part of me wishes I would just down a whole soda just to see if it takes these symptoms away and brings back my energy, but I won't. Not yet at least. They say it takes 21 days to break a habit, and I'm hoping to hang on another week or two to see if these two issues resolve themselves.

This is only the second time that I have ever attempted to stop drinking sodas. The last time it lasted a month. I'm hoping for a bit longer term this go around. I think, atleast.

[I have had some Sprite since I have been sick, but I don't 'like' Sprite much and it doesn't have caffiene so I don't count it towards my addiction.]

Impossible To Catch Up

I've been sick for a week now. I'm still not over it, but slowly getting there, I think. Although my fever has been gone for a few days, the congestion is very thick and gets worse if I wait too long to take my meds. The only thing I smell and taste is that bland feeling you get when you're sick.

The hard thing about being sick is how exhausted you feel. I'm ready for a nap after I get A to school in the morning. After I get NYEBoy to work, I'm ready to crawl back in bed yet again. All I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep. I can't get enough of it. I have a house that needs to be cleaned. Christmas cards still need to be made and mailed. I also need to pack for our trip. I also have several other things I need to take care of before we head out on our trip. But, I just want to sleep.

It's impossible to catch up with sleep and the house work.

And just when you think it can't get any worse, the babe starts hacking and running a fever again. She gave me the cold the first time, but apparently she might be getting it again? Heaven help me.

One more week until Christmas. This is the first year it doesn't feel like Christmas. I'm a little bummed about that.

The Tally So Far

30 Advil liquid gels
3-2 liters of Sprite
2 rescheduled meetings
2 boxes of kleenex with lotion
2 cans of chicken noodle soup
1 bottle of Gatorade
1 bottle of Simply Orange
1 bottle of anitbiotics
1 package of mucinex
And a voice that sounds like a sixty year old who has smoked two packs a day her whole life.

I felt a tingle in the back of my throat one day last week. Friday morning, I woke up with a manly voice and chest congestion. Saturday, I tried my best to put aside my sickness, as we had planned to give A her big Christmas present. By Saturday evening, I was pretty much done. My body said enough. I have barely been out of bed since then. I've been battling a fever that will go from 103, to normal, to 101 after taking Advil. Despite the lotion in the tissues, my nose is horrid looking. I have a migraine from hell that only goes away after I slam four Advil down. The coughing, nasal congestion, and chest congestion, have me breathing like I've been smoking for forty years.

The timing of this sucks. It's wonderful that it waited until after my finals, but of course I only have a few more days to test out of this Math class and I haven't had time to study yet. I have a back up plan if all else fails, but I really would prefer to not have to fall back on it.

I guess I better get back in bed. I'm starting to sweat again, which I'm pretty sure means my fever is coming back. Awesome. Not.

Hard Lesson To Learn

Parenting is hard. I'll be the first to admit, last year was pretty rough at times. Three is a hard age, much harder than the first two years prior for sure. Looking back, I can partly attribute that to having K in the home with us, and A being slightly confused about who to listen to when one person is with her all day and the other person comes and goes. It's not entirely the case either, as nothing usually is, because lets face it, a three year old is just that, three. We have to be careful about what we expect from them as it is very easy to forget that they are only three.

With K being gone things are different. We have a more settled routine, and A is four and a half now. She rarely gives us trouble. She is not perfect, of course, but there haven't been any tough moments that I can recall lately.

Being a product of a divorced and abusive childhood, I've always sworn I wouldn't go down that path. I think sometimes, being from this type of childhood, people parent in two extremes: either continuing the cycle or being way too nice and trying to be a friend more than a parent. I like to think I try to stick down the middle. I have learned what-not-to-do, but at the same time, I want her to know there are rules and boundaries in life.

It is hard though, when trying to give punishment to a child for their actions, not to second guess yourself. I'm constantly thinking when I punish her for something "Am I being a hard ass?" "Is she going to remember this like I remember my dad being me over green beans?" "Will she be able to recall the color of the wall and carpet from sitting in time out, like I can recall the wall paper and carpet from my trips there?" I don't really think she is going to remember back talking or throwing things over the banister and hitting someone on the head and having to sit in time out for four minutes when she is twenty-five, but still.

I woke up sick this morning and spent the day dropping off and picking up NYEBoy and A, so when I got home this evening, I crashed. My legs hurt. My chest hurt. I needed a nap like no other. I asked NYEBoy to get A dinner for me while I took a nap, and as she walked out of the room he asked her what she wanted. Her response was simple, "Um, cereal is just fine." I nodded off as soon as they walked out of the room. A little bit later, A asked if she could have a fruit roll up. I asked her if she had her dinner, and she said no because NYEBoy didn't get her anything. Annoyed, I called him to come upstairs. I asked him why he didn't feed her dinner. He told me had fed her cereal, and then A piped up and said "Yeah, he gave me cereal but I didn't want it." I stopped her right there and told her I heard him ask her what she wanted, and she told him she wanted cereal. I asked her if she ate it, she nodded yes. I made her apologize to her uncle for lying about him and promptly got her ready for bed-early.

You would have thought I crushed her world. She flopped on the bed like a two year old saying she didn't mean to lie. I told her I was sorry she was going to bed early, but that she chose to lie, and we don't lie in this household. If you are caught in a lie, you are going to be punished for it. I don't want a kid growing up thinking it's okay to lie to people or about people. She begged for another chance, but I knew this was my chance. I knew if I stuck to my guns, she would probably be more likely to learn from her mistake.

She only cried for a few minutes, but I felt like an asshole. I know the punishment fitted the crime so to speak. I know it was reasonable, but damn it, it really sucks sometimes. I did hug her and tell her I loved her before she went to bed, though.

It is hard being a kid, but it is even harder being a parent.

End of First Semester

I'm halfway through my first year in college.

This high school drop out, who never made an A or B in anything other than Child Development in high school, who never wrote a paper in high school, got her GED, and earned 3 A's and a B in her first semester in college, despite going through a custody case, and having not been in school in ten years.

Job well done self, job well done.

Hearing Canceled

When I got the notice last week that we had a hearing this week to determine holiday visitation, I was a bit perplexed. K and I had been talking, why did we need to go to court for this shit? After we found out it was him and not her, I felt a little bit better.

After my mom talked to K last week about the court hearing, she agreed it should be canceled. She said she knew she would get to see A. When I went by the lawyers office to discuss some things, he called her lawyer to find out if it had been canceled. He said it hadn't. What the hell? A flurry of calls later, they sent a request to have the Mexican guy that helps my father landscape be the mediator for Christmas day for three hours.

It's a game to my father. A big, fat game. And for some reason, K feels like she has to play it with him. For some reason, she's not allowed to stand up to him and voice her opinion. It boggles my mind. I don't understand, how this is "best for the child" when my father makes these 'game plays'. I feel like their lawyer just eats his bullshit and is content. This man is ridiculous and it's not no one is willing to tell him to STFU because it's about the child, not him.

My other complaint about the motion they filed were the blatant lies about me. I thought when you filed papers, you were under oath that what you are saying is the truth? Why are they (and by they, I mean him) able to make up such big lies and get away with it? I just don't understand. Everything we have claimed has been true. There isn't one lie in our whole motion. It frustrates me.

I'm not going to lie, I'm worried about leaving A with them for three hours on Christmas Day. If K can't stand up to her dad without the baby there, is she really going to make sure he's not drinking around the baby? The Mexican guy isn't going to stand up to my dad, either. We'll see how it goes.

I'm just glad I'm able to focus on my finals today and tomorrow instead of dealing with this court hearing.

Three More Days

This high school drop out, who never wrote a paper in high school, managed to make the top of her class in her first semester of college-level English. Proud would be an understatement. I am officially done with English until next semester.

I'm expecting my Graphics grades back this week, but I am fairly certain I made an A. Which reminds me, I still need to post the infertility poster I made. I'll get to that sometime this week. I hope.

Tomorrow I have my final in Math. I'm expecting an A in the class over all. I'm not studying much for the final because I my psychol0gy final is a tad more important. We get two chances to take the final in Math, and even if I make a failing grade, I'll still have an A in the class. Go me!

My psychol0gy final is Wednesday. This is the only class that has really given me a run for my money. Whatever I make on the final will dictate my grade. If I make an A, I'll barely squeeze an A out over all. If I make a B, I'll have a firm B. If I make a C or below, I'll have myself a C over all. Needless to say, I'm trying to study my ass off. I'm meeting with the core group of girls every day up to and including the day of the final to study for a few hours.

No matter what, I've done a damn good job my first semester in college, especially everything I have gone through. I am proud of myself, as I should be. It's almost a wrap, folks. Almost!

It's Not Her, It's Him

When my lawyer called me about the hearing next week regarding visitation over the holidays, I was taken aback, not a little bit, but a lot. I thought K and I were on good enough terms to not have to resort to this.

And I was right. I won't say how I found out, but let's just say, K had no idea about the hearing next week and hasn't even had any complaints to her lawyer about me. It appears that my father has been emailing her lawyer on her behalf without her even knowing about it.

This is music to my ears. I don't care WHAT anyone says, that dreadful weekend aside, my sister and I do not have a rocky relationship. We don't hate each other. In fact, every time I get off the phone with her, I tell her "I love you." And I do it because I mean it. Despite her fuck ups, she's my only sister. I want the best for her. It kills me we are even in this situation, but it is what it is.

This brings us into a whole 'nother ballgame. I am going to stop by my lawyers office tomorrow to discuss this with him and to see if we can get this hearing thrown out. It's not my sister at all. It's my fucking father.

I can't wait for that bastard to get a legal notice about his outstanding child support in a few weeks. It's all a game to him, but it's not to everyone else.

Struggling

Every time I get up and dust myself from the hard knocks of life, I feel like I have just enough time to smile before I get knocked down again. Some days, I can hide it, but then there are days like today, or the past few days, where it's so hard to fake it. The hearing is so close, yet so far away all at the same time. I'm struggling not to cry about it. I'm struggling not to feel like the world is out to get me.

We have an emergency hearing next week regarding Christmas break. Yes, people, they called a hearing instead of calling me. Are you kidding me? Now, I have to pay court costs and my lawyer because my sister won't just talk to me. I know this is mainly my father's doing, and it kills me how much control over my life he has. I have two finals next week, one the same day as the actual hearing. My focus needs to be on these finals, not on this hearing.

I received a note card this morning from someone. This is what it said...

"Your strength, perseverance, dedication, and big heart amaze me! Continue to believe in yourself and the choices you are making - YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THINGS - and in your heart you know it's true. I'm so proud of you and I believe in you 100%."

I need to read this every time I get down. I don't know how much bumpier this road is going to get, but I am in it for the long hall, and at the end of the road, it will be worth it. It's just hard sometimes to deal with an unfair and unreasonableness of the situation when you, yourself have no control of certain things.