As I've said before, I don't currently have health insurance since I'm not working. In Febuary, after K found the lumps in her breast, I got our shit together to get her seen. I also tried to get me an appointment to get seen for a physical. After being lied to on the phone about the appointment, I finally was able to get me scheduled for my birthday last month. After all, what better gift can you give yourself than a vaginal exam for your birthday? Am I right or am I right? Holla.
On my Birthday, I arrived for my 3:30 appointment at 3:20 only to be told I was apparently 20 minutes late for my 3:00 appointment and since they only allow a 15 minute grace period, I was indeed 5 minutes FUCKED. Despite the fact K and I schedule the appointments for around the same time and were going back together. I burst into tears since it was an emotional time. I was basically told there was nothing to do except to wait another fucking month.
And I did. I called to double check my appointment time this morning. The lady first tried to tell me my appointment was tomorrow at 4, even though I knew it was today (yesterday) at 4. She double checked and verified. I should have known then things weren't going to go right. Damn you, intuition.
We arrived at 3:25 for my 4:00 appointment. After waiting a twenty minutes I got called to the triage room. The lady went over a few things and asked why I was there. I told her my physical and she stopped dead in her tracks, flipped through my empty file chart, and excused herself. I knew then I wasn't going to get seen. She came back to tell me they scheduled my appointment as I was just establishing as a new patient and told me they don't do physicals at 4. She told me the doctor said I would have to reschedule. I took a deep breath and asked when that would be.
Even though I knew I shouldn't have to come back because of a scheduling error of an incompetent staff member, I decided to see if it was just a few days or a week away. No big deal. It was hot in the place and I had the whole crew with me. Plus, I've worked at a doctors office before and I know how bad we all hated when a physical was scheduled late in the afternoon, regardless if it was an error of ours or not. The nurse called the front desk to find out when the first appointment was and I lost my shit. June 10th.
JUNE FUCKING 10TH. Let me remind you, I've been waiting for this appointment since February. I was forced to reschedule in March. And now? I'm being told I can't be seen in April or May, but the middle of JUNE?
I asked to talk to the doctor. She talked to the doctor, but didn't really stand up for me as much as she just acted like I was keeping her busy. The doctor said she would look at her schedule and call me back tomorrow. After talking with the nurse, I decided to schedule for June in case I didn't have any choice and I went to talk to the office manager.
The office manager was gone for the day, as I suspected he would be. He'll be in around 10 in the morning. Guess who else will be sitting there waiting on him?
If I had insurance, I would have been given an appointment within a week or two at any other office in this city. Because I don't have insurance I am being forced to go to one of the two of the most incompetent fucking health places I have ever seen in my life. No one wants to fucking help me and it sucks. I just want to get my physical done to make sure my heart isn't getting worse, the body aches aren't a sign of my bones getting ready to crumble, and the bleeding I'm experiencing isn't something life-threatening.
But, no. No one cares.
As a side note, in the hallway of the place was a plaque on the wall from a child who had died. K made a passing comment about wondering how he had died. Without a skip, I told her he probably died waiting to get seen there.
Wednesday, April 28
Tuesday, April 27
If I Wasn't Too Tired
to write a blog post, it would be about one of these things.
My doctor's appointment tomorrow. I've been trying to get this appointment since February. So help me God I will lose my shit tomorrow if they don't see me and try to reschedule me. To add insult to injury, I went from only two periods in nearly a year to bleeding (lightly) consistently for the past several weeks. This isn't normal for me. Fun times.
K's ultrasound report. We're still waiting to hear back from her bre@st ultrasound from last week. I'm hoping no news is good news, but still can't help to be a little worried.
Me going to school this fall. Oh, so much to say on this subject, later this week. As is the way of my life, we've been thrown a few road blocks and we're trying to get some things ironed out with A needing childcare and a few other big things I don't want to mention right now.
My resentment towards K working. Like, how I'm pissed off that instead of having the free time to work on my eb@y stuff and other projects this summer, K's working at the mall for barely over minimum wage because she apparently needs the money to spend on candy, school supplies, and clothes. Did you notice I didn't mention health insurance, phone bill, or helping us out? I'd much rather her work with me or watch her kid so I can get some work done and me give her a few extra bucks.
My Tooth. Or what is left of it. The doctor told me it needed to come out in February and I've been avoiding having it removed, but it's almost completely gone. I'm not looking forward to spending 6 weeks of pain and bone spurs like I did last fall. God this fucking sucks.
My brother. He came. He saw. He went back to my Moms. There's a lot to say on this subject as well.
Six years of being infertile. Like how I nearly had a panic attack when I realized it'll be six years in my TTC journey in less than 10 weeks. Insert depression here.
And several other things I'm too fucking tired to even think about. I need a vacation. I need a break. Unfortunately, I only see my life getting busier, not slower. Ugh.
My doctor's appointment tomorrow. I've been trying to get this appointment since February. So help me God I will lose my shit tomorrow if they don't see me and try to reschedule me. To add insult to injury, I went from only two periods in nearly a year to bleeding (lightly) consistently for the past several weeks. This isn't normal for me. Fun times.
K's ultrasound report. We're still waiting to hear back from her bre@st ultrasound from last week. I'm hoping no news is good news, but still can't help to be a little worried.
Me going to school this fall. Oh, so much to say on this subject, later this week. As is the way of my life, we've been thrown a few road blocks and we're trying to get some things ironed out with A needing childcare and a few other big things I don't want to mention right now.
My resentment towards K working. Like, how I'm pissed off that instead of having the free time to work on my eb@y stuff and other projects this summer, K's working at the mall for barely over minimum wage because she apparently needs the money to spend on candy, school supplies, and clothes. Did you notice I didn't mention health insurance, phone bill, or helping us out? I'd much rather her work with me or watch her kid so I can get some work done and me give her a few extra bucks.
My Tooth. Or what is left of it. The doctor told me it needed to come out in February and I've been avoiding having it removed, but it's almost completely gone. I'm not looking forward to spending 6 weeks of pain and bone spurs like I did last fall. God this fucking sucks.
My brother. He came. He saw. He went back to my Moms. There's a lot to say on this subject as well.
Six years of being infertile. Like how I nearly had a panic attack when I realized it'll be six years in my TTC journey in less than 10 weeks. Insert depression here.
And several other things I'm too fucking tired to even think about. I need a vacation. I need a break. Unfortunately, I only see my life getting busier, not slower. Ugh.
Monday, April 26
Profect IF - What If
Mel posted Project IF in honor of National Infertility Awareness Week.
I've decided to answer the What If in the How infertility impacted your “plans”/current choices/future decisions category.
As far back as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a mom. I always thought I would get married young and have kids young. I thought for sure I would be done by the time I was 25. I never really planned for anything else, either.
Four years ago, I found out I was officially infertile. Four years ago it really hit me that I wasn't going to 'just be able to get pregnant'. I've been on this infertility road since 2004 and there isn't an end in sight, at least for several years.
NYEBoy still has roughly four more years left before he graduates with his PhD. Four more years until we'll be making enough money to start treatments. In four years, I will no longer be in my 20's. Unless something happens in the next four years that hasn't happened in almost six years, this will be our first chance to actually have a medical chance to become parents.
What If, in four years, when we are finally financially able to start treatments, we're told we should have started four or five years ago, when I was in my 20's? What if 30 is too old? What if I've gone from having 9 periods a year when I began this journey almost six years ago, to only 2 periods a year now, and in four years I have no more? What if we missed our chance because he was in grad school and my body is aging before it's time?
What if by attaining his dream (PhD), I'm losing mine (ovaries that work) at the same time? It's a thought that haunts me every day. It literally takes my breath away at times.
On the flip side, What if I've been spending my 20's trying to do things wrong, backwards? What if life is telling me something? What if I try to take advantage of the next four years until he graduates?
I've recently made the decision to go to school this fall, which I will discuss further in another post. I'm not sure what the future holds, but I've spent the last (almost) six years waiting and I'm going to try to focus on me until we can physically do something other than sex. We have about four more years ahead of us and I'm not going to spend them staring at the calendar counting down.
-----
A basic understanding of infertility.
The background of National Infertility Awareness Week.
I've decided to answer the What If in the How infertility impacted your “plans”/current choices/future decisions category.
As far back as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a mom. I always thought I would get married young and have kids young. I thought for sure I would be done by the time I was 25. I never really planned for anything else, either.
Four years ago, I found out I was officially infertile. Four years ago it really hit me that I wasn't going to 'just be able to get pregnant'. I've been on this infertility road since 2004 and there isn't an end in sight, at least for several years.
NYEBoy still has roughly four more years left before he graduates with his PhD. Four more years until we'll be making enough money to start treatments. In four years, I will no longer be in my 20's. Unless something happens in the next four years that hasn't happened in almost six years, this will be our first chance to actually have a medical chance to become parents.
What If, in four years, when we are finally financially able to start treatments, we're told we should have started four or five years ago, when I was in my 20's? What if 30 is too old? What if I've gone from having 9 periods a year when I began this journey almost six years ago, to only 2 periods a year now, and in four years I have no more? What if we missed our chance because he was in grad school and my body is aging before it's time?
What if by attaining his dream (PhD), I'm losing mine (ovaries that work) at the same time? It's a thought that haunts me every day. It literally takes my breath away at times.
On the flip side, What if I've been spending my 20's trying to do things wrong, backwards? What if life is telling me something? What if I try to take advantage of the next four years until he graduates?
I've recently made the decision to go to school this fall, which I will discuss further in another post. I'm not sure what the future holds, but I've spent the last (almost) six years waiting and I'm going to try to focus on me until we can physically do something other than sex. We have about four more years ahead of us and I'm not going to spend them staring at the calendar counting down.
-----
A basic understanding of infertility.
The background of National Infertility Awareness Week.
Saturday, April 24
Public vs. Private
And no, I'm not talking about schools. I'm talking about blogs.
When one decides to create a blog, they decide how much or little information to share with the world. Some people feel comfortable with sharing every detail about their life including their names, locations, where they work, and tons of pictures. Other people only share some of their life using pseudonyms for the people and places they are blogging about.
When I first started blogging, I decided on a happy medium. I would share some things, including pictures, but I wouldn't share specific details, such as our real names. In part because I didn't want to be found via a quick google search 15-20 years from now and also because I didn't want IRL (In Real Life) friends and family finding my blog.
And for several years, this has worked. I have shared my blog address to a few close IRL friends, but as far as family went, I wanted to avoid that as much as possible. The IRL friends who knew about this blog, knew not to discuss it in front of family.
Over the last few months, I've become a little proud of my blog. I've made a few comments to friends or family both in conversations and on F@ceb00k that has alluded to the fact that I do have a blog. If someone ever asked what the address was, I avoided it. Then, my mom's friend at work decided to try to find me after hearing I had a blog.
I wasn't worried though. After all, I don't have our names on this blog. But, after telling NYEBoy about this, he did a quick google search using very basic information and found the blog. We took it off Google, in hopes of me tweaking a few things, but I haven't had the extra time to do it. I checked the incoming information for every visitor for this site for a few weeks and thought I was in the clear, except I did see several visits from someone in the same town as a relative of mine. So, I don't think we were quick enough.
This person probably thinks because my blog is public, that anything they read here is up for the discussion with others. And while my blog is public, I would like to remind them that I didn't give them the address to this site. If I wanted to share the details to this blog with my IRL friends and family, I would have shared the link to them.
I know I have three options, keeping this blog up as is, making the blog private with invited readers only, or shutting the blog down completely. I prefer to keep the blog as is, because I've spent nearly five years of my life building my blog the way it is. All I ask is that if you're going to continue to read my blog, that you keep anything I write to yourself. Just keep in mind that if you continue to read thig blog, that this is my side of life as I see it. I hope that by keeping this blog public to my readers, you'll respect my privacy.
When one decides to create a blog, they decide how much or little information to share with the world. Some people feel comfortable with sharing every detail about their life including their names, locations, where they work, and tons of pictures. Other people only share some of their life using pseudonyms for the people and places they are blogging about.
When I first started blogging, I decided on a happy medium. I would share some things, including pictures, but I wouldn't share specific details, such as our real names. In part because I didn't want to be found via a quick google search 15-20 years from now and also because I didn't want IRL (In Real Life) friends and family finding my blog.
And for several years, this has worked. I have shared my blog address to a few close IRL friends, but as far as family went, I wanted to avoid that as much as possible. The IRL friends who knew about this blog, knew not to discuss it in front of family.
Over the last few months, I've become a little proud of my blog. I've made a few comments to friends or family both in conversations and on F@ceb00k that has alluded to the fact that I do have a blog. If someone ever asked what the address was, I avoided it. Then, my mom's friend at work decided to try to find me after hearing I had a blog.
I wasn't worried though. After all, I don't have our names on this blog. But, after telling NYEBoy about this, he did a quick google search using very basic information and found the blog. We took it off Google, in hopes of me tweaking a few things, but I haven't had the extra time to do it. I checked the incoming information for every visitor for this site for a few weeks and thought I was in the clear, except I did see several visits from someone in the same town as a relative of mine. So, I don't think we were quick enough.
This person probably thinks because my blog is public, that anything they read here is up for the discussion with others. And while my blog is public, I would like to remind them that I didn't give them the address to this site. If I wanted to share the details to this blog with my IRL friends and family, I would have shared the link to them.
I know I have three options, keeping this blog up as is, making the blog private with invited readers only, or shutting the blog down completely. I prefer to keep the blog as is, because I've spent nearly five years of my life building my blog the way it is. All I ask is that if you're going to continue to read my blog, that you keep anything I write to yourself. Just keep in mind that if you continue to read thig blog, that this is my side of life as I see it. I hope that by keeping this blog public to my readers, you'll respect my privacy.
Tuesday, April 20
Ouch, Helzberg Diamonds, Ouch!
As I was going through the mail, I noticed Helzberg Diamond sent me a flyer magazine. Oo. More diamonds! I put the flyer on my desk to go through later.
As I sat down a bit later to look at the booklet, I noticed a coupon attached to the front.
Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks. This isn't a reminder to spend more money, this is a reminder that it's almost Mother's Day.
-insert knife into heart- *stab* *stab* *stab*
Thank you Helzberg Diamonds. Thank you for reminding me that I've been trying to get pregnant for almost 6 years and this is yet another fucking Mother's Day to bite the dust as a childless 26 year old.
For fuck sake, can't I at least make it until May without a fucking reminder?
As I sat down a bit later to look at the booklet, I noticed a coupon attached to the front.
Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks. This isn't a reminder to spend more money, this is a reminder that it's almost Mother's Day.
-insert knife into heart- *stab* *stab* *stab*
Thank you Helzberg Diamonds. Thank you for reminding me that I've been trying to get pregnant for almost 6 years and this is yet another fucking Mother's Day to bite the dust as a childless 26 year old.
For fuck sake, can't I at least make it until May without a fucking reminder?
Monday, April 19
My Brother
My brother and I have always had a pretty good relationship. Of course, we always fought like cats and dogs growing up, but what siblings don't? I think part of the reason we are so close is because we're exactly a year apart, to the day. I've always felt like I failed him as an older sister because he never graduated high school. While he was busy not thinking about school and playing with his friends, I was busy working, trying to keep our house from foreclosing because of our mother's gambling addiction. Although I know the fault only truly lies with my parents, I just feel that if I had made different choices, so would have he.
Two years ago he met a girl, G. Since then, he's made some choices that have led him to be an alcoholic, like our father, who doesn't care much about a career, much less school.
Since I've been with NYEBoy, I've come to see that it's possible for each one of us to get a degree to be more than someone who makes $8-12 an hour. We don't have to struggle to pay the bills. We can go to school. We can do what we want, not just what we have to. I just wish my parents believed and instilled this in us as children. They failed us. But, that doesn't mean it's too late. We can still do something. We can still be someone.
We invited my brother to move in with us a few months ago, but much like my sister, after talking with my mom, he changed his mind. You see, my mom has never been one to want best for us, for whatever the reason. According to her, and half my family, school is just a way to get in debt with not much benefit. Why, you could just start working today and in ten years, make your way up the ladder. Unfortunately, times aren't like they used to be. Most people don't stay with companies for twenty, thirty, or forty years anymore. You have to want more than an $8-12 an hour job. And in order to attain one of those jobs, you have to get some type of skill and/or education.
My brother left G a few weeks ago. We've been in daily contact with him while he stays with my mom and my grandma's house. We extended our offer of moving in with us again. Then, we got the news and had to put the hold on everything. Of course, my mom took this as a chance to say "SEE THEY HAVE ENOUGH SHIT ON THEIR PLATE! DON'T MOVE DOWN THERE!" Now that we're sure we're staying, for now atleast, we've extended the offer again.
As I type this, my brother is somewhere between Birmingh@m and M0ntgomery, heading towards us. He hasn't made the decision to move in with us, but he's willing to come down for a few days to check out the city and to talk. We're hoping to convince him that he can move in with us. We can work on getting his GED over the next few months. And, he can start college this fall, if he wants to.
The baggage he carries, is not like my sister's. He doesn't have a child. He can study on his own. He knows there isn't an r in fun. He just needs help getting started and a hand to help show him the way. We're willing and able to help him. The decision is all his.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers this week as we try to help my brother see that there is more to life than drinking and a whore in Ut@h. I want better for him. In fact, if it weren't for A, I'd want it more for him than I do K because I know he can do this.
Two years ago he met a girl, G. Since then, he's made some choices that have led him to be an alcoholic, like our father, who doesn't care much about a career, much less school.
Since I've been with NYEBoy, I've come to see that it's possible for each one of us to get a degree to be more than someone who makes $8-12 an hour. We don't have to struggle to pay the bills. We can go to school. We can do what we want, not just what we have to. I just wish my parents believed and instilled this in us as children. They failed us. But, that doesn't mean it's too late. We can still do something. We can still be someone.
We invited my brother to move in with us a few months ago, but much like my sister, after talking with my mom, he changed his mind. You see, my mom has never been one to want best for us, for whatever the reason. According to her, and half my family, school is just a way to get in debt with not much benefit. Why, you could just start working today and in ten years, make your way up the ladder. Unfortunately, times aren't like they used to be. Most people don't stay with companies for twenty, thirty, or forty years anymore. You have to want more than an $8-12 an hour job. And in order to attain one of those jobs, you have to get some type of skill and/or education.
My brother left G a few weeks ago. We've been in daily contact with him while he stays with my mom and my grandma's house. We extended our offer of moving in with us again. Then, we got the news and had to put the hold on everything. Of course, my mom took this as a chance to say "SEE THEY HAVE ENOUGH SHIT ON THEIR PLATE! DON'T MOVE DOWN THERE!" Now that we're sure we're staying, for now atleast, we've extended the offer again.
As I type this, my brother is somewhere between Birmingh@m and M0ntgomery, heading towards us. He hasn't made the decision to move in with us, but he's willing to come down for a few days to check out the city and to talk. We're hoping to convince him that he can move in with us. We can work on getting his GED over the next few months. And, he can start college this fall, if he wants to.
The baggage he carries, is not like my sister's. He doesn't have a child. He can study on his own. He knows there isn't an r in fun. He just needs help getting started and a hand to help show him the way. We're willing and able to help him. The decision is all his.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers this week as we try to help my brother see that there is more to life than drinking and a whore in Ut@h. I want better for him. In fact, if it weren't for A, I'd want it more for him than I do K because I know he can do this.
Thursday, April 15
MRI
I was due to get my MRI on Saturday, but late Friday afternoon I got a call from the office telling me they didn't have my LOP. My lawyer's office closes early on Fridays (of course they do), so I had to reschedule for Monday.
Our Monday was filled to the brim with a ton of shit to do. K had school from 10-2:15. We had a doctors appointment at 3. My MRI was set for 4, K's MRI was set at another location for 7. Thankfully NYEBoy was going to be with us, so I had an extra set of hands to help watch A. Otherwise, I would have had to bring her back with me and she would have had to sit on this.
My Doctor, oh, my doctor. After driving home from our first appointment, K said "he had some big nuts." I laughed out loud and yelled "I KNOW!" I didn't want to say anything to her at first, because I thought it was just my perverted mind. It's not though, the dude has a very large scrotal sac. (I'm not sure if I should admit this on my blog, but I secretly want to snap a picture as photographic proof that 'they really do exist'. Anyways, enough with the talk of balls, let's get to my MRI.
Despite having a body not worth shit, I've never had an MRI. I looked up the company on the computer, other than that though, I wasn't really sure what to expect. I was a bit nervous. I've had a cat scan before, but not an MRI. I was having an 0pen MRI. That can't possibly be too bad, right? I mean, it's open, better than the alternative, you know, OF BEING CLOSED. Or so I thought.
I laid down on the table. Then, the lady put this contraption over my face. I asked for a blanket because it was cold as shit in there. She gave me a ball thingy, tucked me in, told me not to move, and to squeeze the ball if I needed her.
Psht. Needed her? For what? I got this shit,man woman.
As soon as she pressed the button and I started going in head first into this machine, I wanted to start screaming Uncle. I GIVE UP! YOU WIN! TAG! YOU'RE IT! YOU'RE TURN! I CAN'T DO THIS!!!! I felt like I was being put into a crypt alive.
I closed my eyes and breathed through my mouth. "I can do this," I told myself. Then, the banging started. O.M.G. Have you ever had an MRI? O.M.G. Let me tell you, it's the loudest fucking thing ever. Think African drums, then a machine gun, then African drums, then the machine gun again.
BAM! bat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat. BAM!
BAM! bat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat. BAM!
BAM! bat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat. BAM!
BAM! bat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat. BAM!
...from anywhere between 5-15 minutes at at time. For two hours.
Why two hours? Well, during the MRI the lady decided she didn't like the images she was getting, so she redid them.
The results of the MRI showed that I have issues with my neck, middle, and lower back. I have some degeneration in several places. I also have herniations in five discs.
I'm relieved with knowing what we are dealing with, but also sad at the same time. Yes, my body could be worse. BUT, I just wish I had a normal body. I just wish for once I wouldn't be hurting.
I wonder if my body is like this at 26, what is it going to be like in another 25 or 50 years? Will I make it that long? When (not will) I have to have surgery? Will I end up spending time in a wheelchair at some point because I can't walk? What is my body going to be like in 4-5 years when he graduates and we start treatments. Will a doctor tell me it's not wise to put so much pressure on my body? As if having a possible chromosome imbalance and PCOS wasn't enough to deal with in the infertility department, now I have to worry about if I can even handle a pregnancy, too?
I'm hopeful the treatments at the doctors office will help, I can tell a difference in just three visits already. I just wonder what's in the future for my body. I'm thankful things aren't as bad as they could be, I just wish they were better. I wish things were easier.
Our Monday was filled to the brim with a ton of shit to do. K had school from 10-2:15. We had a doctors appointment at 3. My MRI was set for 4, K's MRI was set at another location for 7. Thankfully NYEBoy was going to be with us, so I had an extra set of hands to help watch A. Otherwise, I would have had to bring her back with me and she would have had to sit on this.
My Doctor, oh, my doctor. After driving home from our first appointment, K said "he had some big nuts." I laughed out loud and yelled "I KNOW!" I didn't want to say anything to her at first, because I thought it was just my perverted mind. It's not though, the dude has a very large scrotal sac. (I'm not sure if I should admit this on my blog, but I secretly want to snap a picture as photographic proof that 'they really do exist'. Anyways, enough with the talk of balls, let's get to my MRI.
Despite having a body not worth shit, I've never had an MRI. I looked up the company on the computer, other than that though, I wasn't really sure what to expect. I was a bit nervous. I've had a cat scan before, but not an MRI. I was having an 0pen MRI. That can't possibly be too bad, right? I mean, it's open, better than the alternative, you know, OF BEING CLOSED. Or so I thought.
I laid down on the table. Then, the lady put this contraption over my face. I asked for a blanket because it was cold as shit in there. She gave me a ball thingy, tucked me in, told me not to move, and to squeeze the ball if I needed her.
Psht. Needed her? For what? I got this shit,
As soon as she pressed the button and I started going in head first into this machine, I wanted to start screaming Uncle. I GIVE UP! YOU WIN! TAG! YOU'RE IT! YOU'RE TURN! I CAN'T DO THIS!!!! I felt like I was being put into a crypt alive.
I closed my eyes and breathed through my mouth. "I can do this," I told myself. Then, the banging started. O.M.G. Have you ever had an MRI? O.M.G. Let me tell you, it's the loudest fucking thing ever. Think African drums, then a machine gun, then African drums, then the machine gun again.
BAM! bat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat. BAM!
BAM! bat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat. BAM!
BAM! bat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat. BAM!
BAM! bat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat. BAM!
...from anywhere between 5-15 minutes at at time. For two hours.
Why two hours? Well, during the MRI the lady decided she didn't like the images she was getting, so she redid them.
The results of the MRI showed that I have issues with my neck, middle, and lower back. I have some degeneration in several places. I also have herniations in five discs.
I'm relieved with knowing what we are dealing with, but also sad at the same time. Yes, my body could be worse. BUT, I just wish I had a normal body. I just wish for once I wouldn't be hurting.
I wonder if my body is like this at 26, what is it going to be like in another 25 or 50 years? Will I make it that long? When (not will) I have to have surgery? Will I end up spending time in a wheelchair at some point because I can't walk? What is my body going to be like in 4-5 years when he graduates and we start treatments. Will a doctor tell me it's not wise to put so much pressure on my body? As if having a possible chromosome imbalance and PCOS wasn't enough to deal with in the infertility department, now I have to worry about if I can even handle a pregnancy, too?
I'm hopeful the treatments at the doctors office will help, I can tell a difference in just three visits already. I just wonder what's in the future for my body. I'm thankful things aren't as bad as they could be, I just wish they were better. I wish things were easier.
Friday, April 9
Our First Visit
Four days after getting injured, I was finally able to see a doctor Thursday. I discussed the accident with the lady at the front desk, showed her pictures of the bruises, and filled out both K and I's 7-page-each new patient packet.
They called A and I first. I set A up with her Aquadoodle on a little timeout chair by the scale in the room. The doctor and I talked. He poked, tapped, and prodded me. He asked me to bend to the left, bend to the right, bend to the front, and bend back. We talked a bit more. Then, he left. He came back in and told me I would need an MRI.
So, I have an MRI scheduled for Saturday morning. I'm also scheduled for five days of therapy starting Monday. I'm not sure how I'm going to do five-days-a-week therapy with a 3 year old with no childcare options, but I don't have much of a choice in the matter. The doctor says depending on the results of the MRI I could be looking at anywhere from 4-6 weeks of therapy. We'll start the first week or two at five-days-a-week, then four days, then three, etc.
I'll let you all know the results of the MRI as soon as I can. Hopefully no later than Tuesday.
K also has five-days-a-week therapy and an MRI schedule for Monday evening. We're hopeful her treatment won't be as long since she since flew into me instead the side of the ride.
Seriously though, I could really use a break around here.
They called A and I first. I set A up with her Aquadoodle on a little timeout chair by the scale in the room. The doctor and I talked. He poked, tapped, and prodded me. He asked me to bend to the left, bend to the right, bend to the front, and bend back. We talked a bit more. Then, he left. He came back in and told me I would need an MRI.
So, I have an MRI scheduled for Saturday morning. I'm also scheduled for five days of therapy starting Monday. I'm not sure how I'm going to do five-days-a-week therapy with a 3 year old with no childcare options, but I don't have much of a choice in the matter. The doctor says depending on the results of the MRI I could be looking at anywhere from 4-6 weeks of therapy. We'll start the first week or two at five-days-a-week, then four days, then three, etc.
I'll let you all know the results of the MRI as soon as I can. Hopefully no later than Tuesday.
K also has five-days-a-week therapy and an MRI schedule for Monday evening. We're hopeful her treatment won't be as long since she since flew into me instead the side of the ride.
Seriously though, I could really use a break around here.
Thursday, April 8
The Crazy Shit She Says: April Fools
Unless I'm in pain, I usually make jokes more than complain about my body because that's how I roll. A knows I'm nearly blind in one eye. She knows not to whisper sweet secrets in my left ear because I can't hear them. She also often asks me why God broke my two fingers. Sweet kid.
Having said that, A and I were waiting on NYEBoy and K to get back from running an errand the other night. She was sitting in my lap talking to me when all of the sudden the conversation took a funny turn.
A: You only hab one eye.
Me: *trying to determine if she's talking shit 3 year old style*
A: APRIL FOOLS! AH HA! AH HA!
Me: *laughing* OMG You totally just said you're first April Fools Day joke!!!
A: AH HA! I KNOW! Hey, when is April Fools Day?
Me: TODAY!
A: OMG! TODAY IS APRIL FOOLS DAY!
Me: Yep! It's 9 pm. You almost missed it.
A: *covers my left ear* YOU HAB NO EAR!
Me: *fake screaming* No way!
A: APRIL FOOLS!
Then, I promptly called grandma to teach her to say "Happy April Fools Day, Fool!", but Grandma wasn't home. Great-grandma was home though and didn't laugh nearly as hard as I did. Heh. I'm so glad I'm too old for spankings.
Thanks Spongebob for teaching my niece her first April Fools Day joke. I almost cried. [insert Spongebob laughing here]
Having said that, A and I were waiting on NYEBoy and K to get back from running an errand the other night. She was sitting in my lap talking to me when all of the sudden the conversation took a funny turn.
A: You only hab one eye.
Me: *trying to determine if she's talking shit 3 year old style*
A: APRIL FOOLS! AH HA! AH HA!
Me: *laughing* OMG You totally just said you're first April Fools Day joke!!!
A: AH HA! I KNOW! Hey, when is April Fools Day?
Me: TODAY!
A: OMG! TODAY IS APRIL FOOLS DAY!
Me: Yep! It's 9 pm. You almost missed it.
A: *covers my left ear* YOU HAB NO EAR!
Me: *fake screaming* No way!
A: APRIL FOOLS!
Then, I promptly called grandma to teach her to say "Happy April Fools Day, Fool!", but Grandma wasn't home. Great-grandma was home though and didn't laugh nearly as hard as I did. Heh. I'm so glad I'm too old for spankings.
Thanks Spongebob for teaching my niece her first April Fools Day joke. I almost cried. [insert Spongebob laughing here]
Wednesday, April 7
Show & Tell: Parade
Growing up, we often went to visit family in @rkansas. Every year they had parade we would go to. One year, my dad was in it for some reason.
We took A to her first parade two weeks ago. It was the TaIIahassee $pringtime Parade. This was our first time attending such a thing locally, but I'm so glad we went. We had so much fun as a family. It brought back memories of standing in the @rkansas heat watching beads and candy get thrown at us.
A really enjoyed the bands. We saw several high school bands and told her she could play in one when she grows up. She was very, very excited about that.
Elmo was handing out with the Easter Bunny.
A and I really enjoyed this float. Green is A's favorite color. I love frogs and thought it was pretty funny seeing frogs play volleyball.
As soon as I saw this, I thought of Tiger Woods, but A screamed "DAT'S A BIG BOLF GOLL!", indeed!
My hair was a mess from holding her on my shoulders for two hours since it was so packed. She loved her necklaces! I think she made off like a bandit with the flash of a smile!
At one point during the parade, A looked at me and said "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?", I smiled and asked her what she was thinking. She told me "This is EXCITING!" [think jazz hands exciting]
------------------------
Did you attend parades as a child? Do you go now, as an adult?
We took A to her first parade two weeks ago. It was the TaIIahassee $pringtime Parade. This was our first time attending such a thing locally, but I'm so glad we went. We had so much fun as a family. It brought back memories of standing in the @rkansas heat watching beads and candy get thrown at us.
A really enjoyed the bands. We saw several high school bands and told her she could play in one when she grows up. She was very, very excited about that.
Elmo was handing out with the Easter Bunny.
A and I really enjoyed this float. Green is A's favorite color. I love frogs and thought it was pretty funny seeing frogs play volleyball.
As soon as I saw this, I thought of Tiger Woods, but A screamed "DAT'S A BIG BOLF GOLL!", indeed!
My hair was a mess from holding her on my shoulders for two hours since it was so packed. She loved her necklaces! I think she made off like a bandit with the flash of a smile!
At one point during the parade, A looked at me and said "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?", I smiled and asked her what she was thinking. She told me "This is EXCITING!" [think jazz hands exciting]
------------------------
Did you attend parades as a child? Do you go now, as an adult?
Tuesday, April 6
Lot of Good, Little of Bad
[Update] I saw a lawyer today. I get to see a doctor Thursday. Let's just hope this all goes smoothly.
Do you want the good news first or the bad news first? Ah, what the hell, we've been waiting a week for some good news around these parts.
NYEBoy heard from fin@cial aid today. His loans have been approved. It looks like for now, we'll be okay with him staying in school. Unless he goes back to working for his boss again at some point in the next four years, we're going to be heavy in some debt. BUT, theboy man is going to have his dream degree. And that my friends, is all that matters.
As for the bad news, ah the fucking bad news. My dad sent us some cash for Easter this past weekend. We decided to go to the carnival that was in town to spend a few hours together. K and I decided to go ride this tilt-a-whirl type ride. The first few minutes were fine. Spinning around in these cup like things, while the entire stage moved from 0-75 degrees. All was well, we were getting a thrill!
Suddenly, the ride went towards a 90 degree angle and I was thrown out of my seat into the seat next to me, while 1/4 th of my body was hanging out of the ride. I had also turned sideways. K flew into me as well. I was holding on to the bars like I was a professional stripper.
I'm very sore. I can barely raise my left arm. My left elbow is bruised. The backs of my knees are bruised and I'm having trouble sitting or walking for very long. I have a bruise on my ass from being thrown over one seat and into the next. My shoulders and back are a little sore, too.
I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. I'm hoping nothing is broken or cracked, but when you can't pull your pants up without help, it's easy to be concerned.
On a funny, but not so funny note, when I came out of my seat, hanging on to the bar, I thought to myself, I am NOT going out this way motherfucker. K said she saw me go flying and the next thing she knew she was on top of me.
Ugh. Scary.
Anyways, I'll update this post tomorrow after I hear some news from the doc. Wish me luck.
Do you want the good news first or the bad news first? Ah, what the hell, we've been waiting a week for some good news around these parts.
NYEBoy heard from fin@cial aid today. His loans have been approved. It looks like for now, we'll be okay with him staying in school. Unless he goes back to working for his boss again at some point in the next four years, we're going to be heavy in some debt. BUT, the
As for the bad news, ah the fucking bad news. My dad sent us some cash for Easter this past weekend. We decided to go to the carnival that was in town to spend a few hours together. K and I decided to go ride this tilt-a-whirl type ride. The first few minutes were fine. Spinning around in these cup like things, while the entire stage moved from 0-75 degrees. All was well, we were getting a thrill!
Suddenly, the ride went towards a 90 degree angle and I was thrown out of my seat into the seat next to me, while 1/4 th of my body was hanging out of the ride. I had also turned sideways. K flew into me as well. I was holding on to the bars like I was a professional stripper.
I'm very sore. I can barely raise my left arm. My left elbow is bruised. The backs of my knees are bruised and I'm having trouble sitting or walking for very long. I have a bruise on my ass from being thrown over one seat and into the next. My shoulders and back are a little sore, too.
I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. I'm hoping nothing is broken or cracked, but when you can't pull your pants up without help, it's easy to be concerned.
On a funny, but not so funny note, when I came out of my seat, hanging on to the bar, I thought to myself, I am NOT going out this way motherfucker. K said she saw me go flying and the next thing she knew she was on top of me.
Ugh. Scary.
Anyways, I'll update this post tomorrow after I hear some news from the doc. Wish me luck.
Monday, April 5
In A Holding Pattern
Well, we've some how survived a whole week with the news. It hasn't been an easy feat. Understandably so, the stress level has been worse than it ever has in our relationship. (Not that it makes it any easier to deal with.)
We're currently waiting to hear back on whether or not NYEBoy is going to be allowed to get student loans. Apparently, there aren't any gr@nts for gr@d students, so this is our only option thus far, for allowing him to stay in school.
I broke down and called my Aunt and Uncle who we had the falling out with last fall because he happens to be over a big company here locally. We're trying to see if he may have a part-time or full-time option for NYEBoy in the company. They invited us down to 0rIando for Easter, which we accepted. Unfortunately, his wife's f@ther passed away Friday and our meeting has been postponed for now.
I'm mentally exhausted. Up until Friday I broke down and cried at almost any point in the day. I sat down to blog and I would cry. I tried to clean and I would cry. I watched TV and I would cry. I wanted to lay down and watch TV with NYEBoy, but I couldn't because his emotions were visable, too. I suck at the role of supportive spouse. I really need to work on that one.
I'mbegging, pleading, hoping praying for a better week. Onward and upwards, right?
We're currently waiting to hear back on whether or not NYEBoy is going to be allowed to get student loans. Apparently, there aren't any gr@nts for gr@d students, so this is our only option thus far, for allowing him to stay in school.
I broke down and called my Aunt and Uncle who we had the falling out with last fall because he happens to be over a big company here locally. We're trying to see if he may have a part-time or full-time option for NYEBoy in the company. They invited us down to 0rIando for Easter, which we accepted. Unfortunately, his wife's f@ther passed away Friday and our meeting has been postponed for now.
I'm mentally exhausted. Up until Friday I broke down and cried at almost any point in the day. I sat down to blog and I would cry. I tried to clean and I would cry. I watched TV and I would cry. I wanted to lay down and watch TV with NYEBoy, but I couldn't because his emotions were visable, too. I suck at the role of supportive spouse. I really need to work on that one.
I'm
Sunday, April 4
Hippity Hoppity Easter To You!
The Easter Bunny has hopped by! He left A a lovely basket full of goodies and a card reminding her to listen to her family!
She's been asking for a trophy for a few weeks now. I'm not sure if it's from iCarly or Spongebob, but I'm sure it's because of one of them. When we were at Party City picking out some trinkets for my brother's birthday surprise package, A saw the trophy on the shelf. I told her I would let the Easter Bunny know. She'll be thrilled when she wakes up to see that!
The basket is mine from years ago. My mother sent A a few things for the basket. As I was uploading/editing the picture I noticed the candy eggs matched the eggs on the basket perfectly.
I hope you all have a wonderful Easter. We're not planning on too much. I just wish we had a church to go to. I need to look into that, but that's a post for another day.
Happy Easter Sunday! God bless.
Thursday, April 1
Show & Tell: Smiley Face
Although there haven't been many smiles around the house since Monday's news, it's this week's Show & Tell topic.
There are certain stores that give A a sticker or draw a smiley face on our receipt. For the most part, these cashiers and store greeters remember A and just do it. Sometimes, it's someone we don't know and A asks politely for the smiley face or sticker, depending upon the store we're visiting.
This one old lady at the Sam's Club learned the hard way not to give us the receipt back without a smiley face. When A got the receipt back with just a mark down the middle she was none to pleased. She handed the receipt back and said "Smiley Face." I gave her a quick reminder of her manners and she added on a "Please."
The old lady smiled and obliged. We thanked her and walked our way to our car.
As we were walking to the car, A looked carefully at the receipt and declared the "smiley face" unacceptable. "This isn't a smiley face," she said. Confused, I looked at the receipt. She was right.
It's an alien or maybe it's someone who is blushing and their eyes are closed.
It never fails, though. Every single time we visit that store, if the lady is at the door, our smiley face looks just like that. Wide-eyed and grinning.
There are certain stores that give A a sticker or draw a smiley face on our receipt. For the most part, these cashiers and store greeters remember A and just do it. Sometimes, it's someone we don't know and A asks politely for the smiley face or sticker, depending upon the store we're visiting.
This one old lady at the Sam's Club learned the hard way not to give us the receipt back without a smiley face. When A got the receipt back with just a mark down the middle she was none to pleased. She handed the receipt back and said "Smiley Face." I gave her a quick reminder of her manners and she added on a "Please."
The old lady smiled and obliged. We thanked her and walked our way to our car.
As we were walking to the car, A looked carefully at the receipt and declared the "smiley face" unacceptable. "This isn't a smiley face," she said. Confused, I looked at the receipt. She was right.
It's an alien or maybe it's someone who is blushing and their eyes are closed.
It never fails, though. Every single time we visit that store, if the lady is at the door, our smiley face looks just like that. Wide-eyed and grinning.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)