Friday, January 29

Nausea & Migraines, Oh My!

I've been dealing with headache and bouts of nausea off and on for a few weeks now. At first I was thinking it had to do with the medicine I took last month, but now I'm not so sure. I wake up several days a week dry-heaving from the nausea. On those days, the nausea is intense and lasts nearly all day long. Some days the nausea just comes in and out. The headaches/migraines are about the same way. They are pretty intense at times as well.

We have family history of migraines, but I'm not so sure about the nausea. They don't necessarily happen at the same time, but both are frequent enough to make NYEBoy and myself concerned. I haven't had a cycle since September so I did take a pregnancy test, but it was about as negative as can be. I don't know. Whatever is going on with my body, I'm ready for it to stop. I hate feeling like this.

Wednesday, January 27

Show & Tell: Black Hole

As an infertile, sometimes life feels like a black hole. Life goes on around us, but sometimes inside we feel empty, dead.



I took this photo while we were at a local park.


Show and Tell

Tuesday, January 26

The Crazy Shit She Says: Shopping

When A was around a year old, I bought her a Leap Frog Little Leaps system. They said the set up was only going to take 5 minutes, but I spent an hour trying the different codes and never could figure it out. I decided to try it again the other day. It worked! Score! The only problem was, it didn't have any games with it for her age. And this was when this conversation happened...

Me: Hey, do you want to go get a game for this?

A: (excited) A game?

Me: Yeah, a game.

A: (excited) Now?

Me: Yes, now. Do you want to go get a game?

A: Uh, no.

WTH? She was all excited until she realized it was now. lol

-------

I went to the store to pick up a game for the system when I realized they don't even sell the system or games in the stores any more. Luckily, Amazon had a Backyardigans game for $9 shipped. I'm a little worried that it might be too childish, but I guess we'll find out in a few days when it gets here. Hopefully, it'll help keep her entertained so I can get some work done around here.

Thursday, January 21

Overwhelmed Again

I'm starting to feel overwhelmed again. Plan as I might, I never seem to get a damn thing done these days. Although the house isn't nearly as cluttered as it was in October, there is a ton of shit that needs to be put away.

I have finally managed to clean my office enough to be sitting back at my desk again. I rearranged a few things, moved a bookcase and storage unit out of here to give A half the room to use as a play room. I even took the car to get washed and vacuumed out the other evening after we left the park. But the rest of the house? Neglected.

NYEBoy has to be at school from 10-5 today and K doesn't have classes on Thursdays, so I'm hoping I can convince K to help me do a run through of the house while he's gone. I'm ready to start working again, but I can't be unorganized and the house has to be in order for me to be able to concentrate on everything else.

I hate this. I want my house back.

**Update**
The upstairs bathroom is clean. Here's proof.

Wednesday, January 20

Show & Tell: Skating

A asked for skates for Christmas, but due to everyone thinking someone else was getting them, she didn't end up with a pair. She hasn't mentioned much about them, but if she sees someone on a skateboard she'll say something about not having any skates "to do dat".

We had 30 minutes in between NYEBoy and K getting off school one day last week, so I took K by an outlet thrift store. She'd never been before. I told her everything was in bins and you just had to dig to find the treasures. I kind of just skimmed the outer shelves when I came across a barbie skate.



I threw it in the cart and kept digging to find the other one. A was busy playing with some doll, so she was oblivious. And then, I found it. I grabbed the other skate out of the cart and I told A to look. Her eyes got as wide as saucers and shouted "ARE DES FOR SALE? ARE DEY REALLY FOR SALE? CAN I HAB DEM? OH PLEASE, OH PLEASE?" No dramatizing there, the kid, as far as she was concerned, had hit the lottery in a thrift store.

After running some errands and grabbing dinner, we got home after dark. Not being one to disappoint her happiness high, we put the skates on and went outside to play in the dark. She skated up and down the sidewalk, holding my hands, for 20 minutes.

While I was watching her, I'm reminded this is what I'm waiting for. I'm waiting for my child to grasp my hands tightly as they experience something new. I'm waiting for the wobbly legs sliding in a V as they learn to skate for the first time. I'm waiting for the moment when I teach them to bend down, hold your knees, and watch as they see how exciting it is as I push them. I'm waiting for the excitement of realizing they can do something new.

It's moments like these, as I live through A, where I'm reminded that the wait will be worth it. The tears of uncertainty will all be worth it.


Show and Tell

Tuesday, January 19

The Crazy Shit She Says: Homewrecker

This conversation was in the car after we had picked up the crew from school the other day.

A: I love you In Due Time!

Me: I love you, too!

A: I love you NYEBoy!

NYEBoy: I love you, too A!

Me: Giiiirl, you better back off my man. You can't have him! He's mine.

A: Giiiiiirl, I CAN HAB YOUR MAN IF I AUNT (want) TO AND I CAN HAB YOUR SISTER TOO!

Me: Well, you can HAB my sister, but I'd like to keep my man, thankyouverymuch!


I swear this kid never misses a beat. I hope she always loves me as much as I love her.

Monday, January 18

2010 Started Off Sucking Ass

I'm not sure what was put in the water, but 2010 is starting off pretty rough for us.

Our Anniversary was 12/31. We booked a hotel with a jacuzzi suite so we could get our freak on. Upon opening the door to our room, we were greeted with a mess that stated the obvious-you ain't staying here tonight, sweetheart. After informing the front desk, they got us an upgrade of a room with a bigger bed and a kitchenette. The guy went on and on about the kitchenette and how the owner stays there when he's in town. Now, with all due respect, if I wanted a kitchenette, I would have booked one in the first place. It ruined my night. That may make me sound like a cry baby, but so be it. After all, how many of YOU have tried having sex in a kitchenette? Exactly. That's why we booked a jacuzzi suite.

Two days later, we packed the car to head out of town. During my very careful packing challenge, I decided I wanted to bring my container of mega blocks I had been keeping at my Grandmas because we never had room for it in the moving truck or car trips. A's really big into building things and I just knew it would help boost her ever-expanding mind. What I didn't know was that I was going to get into a big argument with my mother and grandmother about bringing them. Who would have thought I was being selfish by bringing MY blocks back to MY house in MY car. Instead of leaving on happy terms, I left with a snotty hug from my Mom and Grandma with a reminder of how rude I was. For taking my blocks home. HMPF!

About two hours outside of Mem.phis, K pipes up from the back seat to ask if I had remembered to get my hair straightener from my aunts room. You know, the straightener that was in my bag, that she asked for, that she used, that she left in my aunts room. Yeah, that one. Of course not. I called my Mom to ask if it was there, of course it was. She said she would mail it back to us. A week later I called her to ask if she had mailed it yet and she yelled at me for accusing her of trying to steal it and then she hung up on me. WTF? Another week has passed and it's still at the house. Sigh.

About four hours later, we were between Birming.ham and Mont.gomery. We decided since we were so close to Mont.gomery, we would stop to grab something to eat there. About 20 miles north of Mont.gomery, the car jerks and starts slowing down from 75. Luckily, I was able to slide over to the exit to get off right then. If I had been a few more feet further, I would have completely missed the exit. As I was going up the ramp, I put my flashers on, but the brakes nor the gas would work for me. I threw the car in park and tossed on the emergency brakes.

It was in the middle of the night and hovering around freezing, but about an hour later we got a tow truck to tow the car to the car shop and us to a hotel. The gentleman and his wife were really helpful. I was able to convince the hotel to give us the room for $10 cheaper than the going rate. By the time we got settled in the hotel, it was after 2 am and we were all starving. We walked across the six lane street and down a hill to the Waffle House across the street.

The next day, the car shop told is it was going to be $1000 in repairs. The timing belt was broken. We knew we were getting raped, but had no other choice. We ate breakfast at the hotel, thankfully it was included. We walked to a Sams Club behind the hotel for lunch that day. The hotel was very, very generous and let us stay in the room until the car was ready, despite it being nearly 6 hours after the normal checkout time. Shout out to Drury Inn, especially the one in Mont.gomery, AL. After spending an hour on hold with the carshop, they finally sent someone over to pick us up and we picked up our car and got the hell out of there.

A day or two after we got back home, we got a call from NYEBoy's boss. He was going to have to pay him by the hour instead of salary now. Which may not seem like a bad deal, since it was the same price, but with NYEBoy's schedule next fall, he won't be able to work enough hours to cover our outcome because he will have too many classes. This semester he's only taking one class and he's off for the summer, so it's okay right now, but come August, we're fucked. He doesn't know what he's going to do yet. Even if I worked outside of the home, it wouldn't be enough to help the gap in what he will be able to work. He's debating on dropping out of school to get a job fulltime. We just agreed to get through this semester and re-evaluate this summer. He's only 2 years into his PhD program. Sigh.

A few days later, while I was eating, my last chewing tooth broke. I went to the dentist where I got some fabulous news. He told me we could spend $2020 on reconstructing the tooth and doing a root canal or, if it was his tooth, removing it and getting an implant, which is only $500 more. If you've been following my blog, you know it took me six weeks to be able to heal after my last extracted tooth, which didn't even include an implant. He put a temporary filling in for me. He said it would last about a month, then I would need to decide. We can't afford either option right now and definitely not this year with his pay cut. I'm stuck. It's my last back chewing tooth thanks to birth defects (born without some) and cavities from being raised by a single mother in a poor household.

To add the cherry on top, K started classes and was told she wouldn't be allowed to get her books until we paid $800 in fines. Fines her loan should have covered. After spending an hour arguing with Financial Aid, we were able to get things resolved. There was a problem with a code. Try holding a 40+ lb sleeping 3 year old in your arms while you stand up arguing with said dumbasses. Fun times people, fun times.

I think it's safe to say 2010 has really started off with a bang. I'm hoping things will turn around soon because I just can't handle all of the shit-tastic news we've been dealt with lately.

If you read all the way to the bottom, congratulations. I can't believe I made it through all of it either. I've started and restarted this post for over a week now. No matter how short I wanted this post to be, it wasn't going to let me.

So, how's 2010 for you? Hopefully better than ours.

Thursday, January 14

National De-Lurking Day

Hello there, yes, you! I'm talking to YOU! Today is National De-Lurking Day. I would like to invite you to come out of the woodwork today to say Hello! I know you're out there. I see you visiting, but you never say hello. Come on in, have a seat, and introduce yourself. You know so much about me, now it's time to get to know you.

Wednesday, January 13

Show & Tell: Haiti Needs Our Help

As I was driving around town with A in the backseat, after I had lunch with @kristencmcd, I had an overwhelming sense of sadness for the millions of people in Haiti who are struggling tonight after dealing with a 7.6 magnitude earthquake. I wish I could pack my bags tonight and go help, but that's not really possible for me to do.

Instead, I would like to urge you all to donate to help relief efforts. Any amount will help, $1, $5, $10, $50..whatever.

Whether you donate to Clinton's Foundation, The Red Cross, Yele, or wherever you feel comfortable.

Although our life is stressful right now, we're no where near under the stress of the men, women, and children in Haiti. My heart is breaking.


Don't forget what the rest of the class is sharing.


Show and Tell

Thursday, January 7

New Years Resolutions

It's a new year, time for resolutions to do better. I figured I would make a list and see how I do. I'll be updating every three months to see how I'm doing or not doing.

Blogging Although I blogged more in 2009 than I did in 2008, I would still like to blog more. I thought about attempting to blog every day for a year, but I know me better than that. NaBloPoMo was hard enough. Instead, I will try my best to blog every week day, allowing myself the weekends off, with the exception of November when I will attempt NaBloPoMo again.

Working I started off early last year doing pretty well, better than any other year selling online. But, then the girls moved in and all hell broke loose. I don't think I brought in 1/4th the amount from July to December that I did from Jan to July. I vowed to tackle my inventory this year. I told myself I would try to get 250 new things listed every month until it's all listed. I was supposed to start Wednesday but haven't done much. I will though. I have to.

Reading I am not much of a reader. I never really have been, but I would like to read a little more. I've decided to try to read two books a month. I know I spend plenty of time on a car waiting for people to get out of school, so I may as well soak up some literature.

Spouse I would like to be a better spouse. I may not get the recognition I feel like I deserve in this family, but I would like to try to not be so hard on NYEBoy. When I'm bitching sometimes I'll sick back and ask myself "if he died tomorrow, will this argument have been worth it?" It won't be easy and I probably won't succeed, but I'm going to try. One step at a time.

K's School I'm going to try to find an easier way to address school issues with K, but I'm going to give my best effort to not let her get behind this semester. I want her to make A's and B's in these remedial classes because I know it's only going to get harder, but I'm determined to help her become smarter.

Commenting I'm the worlds worst commenter. I'm going to really try to do my best and comment back on everyone's comments this year. I read every comment, but with the exception of Twitter, I'm not a very good blogger at communicating with her readers. I'm already 7 days behind.

There are a few other things I would like to attend to this year, but I don't want to put too much on my plate and allow myself to give up so easily.

Do you have any resolutions?

Wednesday, January 6

Show & Tell: Local Fame: Update

Remember the old guy wearing a thong while riding a bike?

Well, I'll be damned if on our way out of town for the holidays I didn't see him again!

But this time, he was actually WEARING CLOTHES! For the FIRST time!

I guess it was a little too cold for the thong. Darn.



I think the pants make his ass look too big. What do you think?



Show and Tell

Tuesday, January 5

The Crazy Shit She Says: Stylin'

This conversation was between A and my Mom after they were playing "who can put the most hair clips into your hair".

My Mom: Look at you! You're stylin' and profilin'!

A: *nodding in agreement* in slow motion!

Monday, January 4

A New Year With New Beginnings, Take Three

I enjoyed doing this the last 2 years. In keeping with tradition, here's this years.

The categories:
Things you learned this year
People you met
Things you don't want to take with you into 2010
Things you want to hold close as you pass into 2010
Things you're looking forward to in 2010
Things that were life changing in 2009
Things you hope to accomplish by the end of 2010

Now you can either give two answers for each category OR you can choose two from that list and give seven answers. Feel free to do this, too.

Things you learned this year
* I can survive major life changes without needing a padded room.
* I survived yet another year as an infertile.

People you met
* @kristencmcd
* @debontherocks

Things you don't want to take with you into 2010
* My Disorganization
* My Ability To Procrastinate

Things you want to hold close as you pass into 2010
* My family
* My sanity

Things you're looking forward to in 2010
* My business growing
* My ability to survive the craziness that is my life

Things that were life changing in 2009
* K and A moving in with us
* Meeting @kristencmcd

Things you hope to accomplish by the end of 2010
* A better relationship with my sister
* A better balance on my home business