I Cried In Front of My Lawyer

I'm not sure what I expected to happen in mediation. A resolution? No. Obviously not. It was tougher than I imaged though. The mediator, IMHO, was far more on 'their' side than he was neutral. He fought me on every single thing I brought up.

My biggest issue, outside of the drugs, parenting classes, and financial issues I've raised about K, is that I also do not want her to reside with anyone who abuses drugs or alcohol, including my father or Thugboy. Thugboy isn't even in the equation though, so he doesn't matter, but my father on the other hand? A totally different story. My mother was physically abused by my father. He also had a cocaine problem during their marriage. After she left, I was the punching bag.

The mediator completely dismissed my comments about being abused as a child. I told him it wasn't a once or twice thing, it was over the course of years, until I was 14 and stopped going over there. And you know what the mediator said? "How old are you?". "26." "So this happened.... 12 years ago? And this is a reason your father shouldn't be around A? I don't think so." ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? The man is a fucking alcoholic, wife beating, child abusing, convicted felon, who has had a history of drug abuse.

Do I think he should never be around A? No. Spending time with someone and living with them are two different things. There have been countless times, when I was trying to mend my relationship with my father, that I would call him to tell him I was bringing A to see him, and thirty minutes later you would find me banging on his door, and peering through the window to see him passed out on his couch, five feet away from the door. He is no good for K, much less A.

Unwilling to cave on this issue, I told the lawyer I was willing to risk my chance by going to a final hearing in court. He agreed. We're looking at a hearing probably in January.

Good news? We'll have her for the holidays.

Bad news? The hearing is probably going to cost us an additional $5,000.

Possible bad news? There is a small chance we may get a different judge. I am really, really hoping not. I love our judge.

I may or may not have broke down crying in front of my lawyer. I may or may not have picked up A four hours early from school. All I know is that she's completely worth every fiber of strength I can muster.

I'm hoping after the stress of this new news wears off, I'll be able to get back to focusing on school, A, and NYEBoy. I'll worry about the court hearing after the holidays. God has a plan. He's surprised us so far in this journey, I just have to hang on a bit longer.