Stages of Grief

It just dawned on me. I'm experiencing the stages of grief over the situation with K. The stages of grief are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. I think along with denial, one feels pain and guilt before moving on to anger. At first, I was in denial all this was actually happening. I was living it, sure, my body felt the stress, but I could literally sit down, and think I was watching a movie. After that, came the pain and guilt. The pain that my sister would dare do this to us after everything we've done for her. The guilt of maybe I could have done more. Realitically I know in my heart I did the right thing, and it was the best I could do. Now? I'm feeling anger.

I'm angry because of the shit she's put us through. I'm angry of the toll the financial portion of this battle is putting on the relationship between NYEBoy and I. I'm angry because we don't have the level of support I would like from my family. I'm angry my father and K are conspiring against us every time the phone rings. I'm tired of my lawyer calling me because K, mainly my father-I'm sure, have a new complaint.

This morning, I'm packing the remaining items K left. I'm not sad about it. I'm ready to get them the fuck out of the house. I'm so very angry with the whole situation right now. I know I have a right to be upset, so I'm letting myself feel this.

It's tough. All of this is tough. I want time to move forward, but at the same time, stand still. I'm worried about court. Its easy for me, or you, to see what K has done, but it's another thing to open the judge's eyes to everything we've been going through. I want so much for A to continue to have stability, something my father nor K can offer at this moment.