One Step Closer

Ever since I went through the worst 48 hours of my life, things have been a little distant between K, NYEBoy, and I. I mentally had to put a block out of the family drama so I could study for my tests and get the house in order for my family.

Off and on, my Mom has spent the past week talking to K about everything. Thursday night, we all finally sat down to have a big pow-wow and worked out a lot of the kinks. Although nothing is set in stone until the ink dries, I feel a bit better about the future of the stability in our household.

What it looks like, for now, is that K is moving out. I don't agree with it, but she's going to have to fall on her own ass to see how good she had things. She'll supposedly still be going to school and working full time.

A will be staying with us. We have an appointment on Monday to discuss guardianship with a lawyer because K isn't quite comfortable with the idea of a flat out relative adoption, but is strongly considering the guardianship. This is fine with us. It gives us the legal crutch we need to have to raise A on our own without having to make sure K is there to sign or whatever. In a guardianship, both parties just have to go to court to reverse the decision.

I think this is the best for everyone involved. K has spent the last several months acting out and hanging with the wrong crowd. A is getting ready to start preschool and she needs more stability regardless if her mother is going through some crisis.

I know my family reads my blog, and I would like to take this moment to tell them they can all kiss my fucking ass. I am so sick of fucking hearing about how NYEBoy and I trying to take A away from K. From fucking DAY ONE, our main priority has been about K. We've come to this point in our relationship because of SEVERAL things K has done to try to distance herself from us and her daughter, not the other way around.

People forget, even as much as I write in my blog, there is a ton of other shit I don't write about. I didn't write about how K has spent every single night away from her daughter for over 8 weeks. I didn't write about how K came home drunk and high on her DAUGHTER'S fucking birthday. I didn't write about when my Mom told K she could have A on the weekends that K said "but then I won't be able to go out." I didn't write about a lot of things.

K's priorities have changed over the passed few months, for whatever reason. Yes, she was a teenage mother. Yes, she's been through a lot. But you know what? This sweet baby girl needs stability. If her mother wants to go out? FINE. If her mother wants to drop out of school? FINE. If her mother wants to get drunk and high? FINE. But this baby needs STABILITY. She also needs a fighting chance at a good life, that includes a good education. At the current rate, her mother can't offer, nor will she ever be able to until she gets her priorities straight.

I'm heart broken. I'm heart broken my sister is being told by our father that I am trying to take her daughter from her. I am heart broken that our mother is having to tell her daughter to not make the same mistake she did. I am heart broken K isn't strong enough on the inside to do what's right for her and her daughter. I am heart broken I can't have the relationship with my sister I always thought I would be able to have once she got out of the situation she was in.

Alas, here we are. We're here with a 22 year old who makes bad decisions, time and time again, who has a 4 year old who needs stability and a fighting chance for a wonderful future.

Please keep us in your prayers over the next few days. Please pray God opens K's eyes to see that if she's not going to make the right decision with her future to at least care enough about her daughter to allow her to have a better life.

I never plan to keep K away from A. I just need a legal leg to prevent K from running away with A when she gets on one of these crazy moments. I need stability back in our household. I'm tired of going to bed with chest pains. I'm tired of worrying that my mother is going to kill herself because she's so depressed about her children.

I will never be A's mom. I never wanted to be, either. I just want to be her aunt. The aunt that cared about her so much she would move the moon for her.