MRI

I was due to get my MRI on Saturday, but late Friday afternoon I got a call from the office telling me they didn't have my LOP. My lawyer's office closes early on Fridays (of course they do), so I had to reschedule for Monday.

Our Monday was filled to the brim with a ton of shit to do. K had school from 10-2:15. We had a doctors appointment at 3. My MRI was set for 4, K's MRI was set at another location for 7. Thankfully NYEBoy was going to be with us, so I had an extra set of hands to help watch A. Otherwise, I would have had to bring her back with me and she would have had to sit on this.



My Doctor, oh, my doctor. After driving home from our first appointment, K said "he had some big nuts." I laughed out loud and yelled "I KNOW!" I didn't want to say anything to her at first, because I thought it was just my perverted mind. It's not though, the dude has a very large scrotal sac. (I'm not sure if I should admit this on my blog, but I secretly want to snap a picture as photographic proof that 'they really do exist'. Anyways, enough with the talk of balls, let's get to my MRI.

Despite having a body not worth shit, I've never had an MRI. I looked up the company on the computer, other than that though, I wasn't really sure what to expect. I was a bit nervous. I've had a cat scan before, but not an MRI. I was having an 0pen MRI. That can't possibly be too bad, right? I mean, it's open, better than the alternative, you know, OF BEING CLOSED. Or so I thought.

I laid down on the table. Then, the lady put this contraption over my face. I asked for a blanket because it was cold as shit in there. She gave me a ball thingy, tucked me in, told me not to move, and to squeeze the ball if I needed her.

Psht. Needed her? For what? I got this shit, man woman.

As soon as she pressed the button and I started going in head first into this machine, I wanted to start screaming Uncle. I GIVE UP! YOU WIN! TAG! YOU'RE IT! YOU'RE TURN! I CAN'T DO THIS!!!! I felt like I was being put into a crypt alive.

I closed my eyes and breathed through my mouth. "I can do this," I told myself. Then, the banging started. O.M.G. Have you ever had an MRI? O.M.G. Let me tell you, it's the loudest fucking thing ever. Think African drums, then a machine gun, then African drums, then the machine gun again.

BAM! bat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat. BAM!
BAM! bat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat. BAM!
BAM! bat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat. BAM!
BAM! bat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat. BAM!
...from anywhere between 5-15 minutes at at time. For two hours.

Why two hours? Well, during the MRI the lady decided she didn't like the images she was getting, so she redid them.

The results of the MRI showed that I have issues with my neck, middle, and lower back. I have some degeneration in several places. I also have herniations in five discs.

I'm relieved with knowing what we are dealing with, but also sad at the same time. Yes, my body could be worse. BUT, I just wish I had a normal body. I just wish for once I wouldn't be hurting.

I wonder if my body is like this at 26, what is it going to be like in another 25 or 50 years? Will I make it that long? When (not will) I have to have surgery? Will I end up spending time in a wheelchair at some point because I can't walk? What is my body going to be like in 4-5 years when he graduates and we start treatments. Will a doctor tell me it's not wise to put so much pressure on my body? As if having a possible chromosome imbalance and PCOS wasn't enough to deal with in the infertility department, now I have to worry about if I can even handle a pregnancy, too?

I'm hopeful the treatments at the doctors office will help, I can tell a difference in just three visits already. I just wonder what's in the future for my body. I'm thankful things aren't as bad as they could be, I just wish they were better. I wish things were easier.