Meeting My FFIL For The First Time

NYEBoy's dad, FFIL*, was in town for less than 18 hours. Yes folks, he rode on a bus for over twenty-four hours (8am-11pm here, 5pm-6am back) to spend a whooping 18 hours with us, nine or ten of which I know we were sleeping. I busted my ass cleaning the downstairs for his visit. I never got to finish the upstairs, though. I threatened to send down a boulder if he attempted to climb the stairs.

Before his father arrived, NYEBoy gave me strict orders to be on my best behavior. Yes, Daddy! I think his exact words were something like, "My father is a very serious man. Whatever you think is funny, is not really funny to anyone but you. So, please don't embarrass yourself by doing anything stupid". Ouch! I replied, "So, I guess I can't thank him for that fateful night twenty-seven years ago when he fucked your mother, to which none of this would have been possible. Huh"? NYEBoy absolutely did not think my response was funny at all. In fact, it may have actually pissed him off. Success! It sure made me laugh, though.

My *Future Father In-Law is a very rich well educated retired Army Major. He has a house overseas, where he has been staying, so this is the first time I have met him face-to-face. Despite being loaded, he's a very frugal guy. (Hint: Bus Trips. WTF?) He hates brand named products. I think my Coca-Cola addiction and extensive Kelloggs cereal collection, may have cut me out of the family will. Despite my not so funny jokes and my love for all things brand name, he thinks I'm beautiful and was happy to see his son being taken care of. After a hug goodbye, we sent him on, into the bus station.

NYEBoy and I decided to celebrate what was left of our last senior citizen and child free weekend by going to see The Wrestler (where a lady passed out-don't ask) and eating ice cream. I might even give him a blow job have rough sex like we did with our door open last night, with his dad sleeping on the couch in the living room directly under our bedroom.

Why Do I Want To Scream?

1. Our A/C is broke. We live in Florida. It's over 75 degrees in this house. We all remember how fast they are to fix things.

2. I'm leaving to pick up A in a week.

3. NYEBoy's dad just called us an hour ago. He'll be here this afternoon.

4. So, while I thought I had a week to clean and get the house organized, I actually only have about 12 hours.

5. This was our last 'childless' weekend. We were suppose to relax and have lots of sex. Now, I'll be up all night cleaning/organizing my house (which hasn't happened since September) and entertaining his father all weekend.

So, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go jump out a window. It's colder out there and I won't have to clean if I'm dead my legs are brokem. Fuck!

Babies Don't Always Fit In A Dresser Drawer

NYEBoy: Jesus, this bed is HUGE!

Me: *laughing* Do what?

NYEBoy: This bed is huge. Who is this bed for? I thought you were getting a baby bed.

Me: It's a toddler bed. The mattress is the exact same size as a crib, honey.

NYEBoy: Huh? But, why do they need a bed this big when babies are like, uh, less than a quarter of the size of this mattress?

Me: Because one day, they grow up and become gigantic toddlers, like A.

NYEBoy: Well, whatever. I don't know where you're planning on putting it.

Me: Well, if you don't stop snoring, I'm putting it downstairs so you can sleep on it and A can sleep with me, in the bed, sideways. Cuz that's how she rolls, yo!

I picked up the bed from a lady off of Craigslist since the Freecycle chic flaked out on me. I just need to give it a good wash down with Clorox wipes and a magic eraser. I still need to get her some sheets. I'm debating on making a rag quilt. It might give me something to do on the 20-24 hours of driving and riding we'll be doing.

Do You Think you and NYEBoy Will Get Married?

Krystle asked me that question. I am too tired to finish one of the other (more detailed response) questions, so I'm cheating by answering this one.

Uh, we better! Ha. I wouldn't have moved this far if we didn't have a future. lol

What Do You Want To Know?

I'm in a blog topic rut. So, for the first time, I am opening up the floor to you. What do you want to know?

Yes, that includes you. You who never comments, but reads my blog. I know you're there. Come out, come out where ever you are!

Show & Tell - Finally, So Close is Closer Than Ever!

Tertia, a fellow blogger, announced this week that her book is finally available for those of us in the US and Canada. How fucking awesome is that? You can order your copy of the book at Amazon or online at Barnes & Noble. Melissa is also starting a book tour.

So, if you haven't already, go order your copy of Tertia's book, and then go join Mel's book tour. Don't forget to go check and see what the rest of the class is sharing!

Neither One of Us Is Ready

Telephone Conversation

Me: Hey A! We're coming to get you in two weeks. We're getting you a new bed and car seat for our house.
A: Is it a iddy biddy baby bed fer me?
Me: Well, one small enough to hold you, yeah. Are you ready to come see me and NYEBoy?
A: I'm werkin on muh werk stuff. I cain't talk r'aight now.


Apparently, neither one of us is ready. I thought I had a bed, but the chic from Freecycle flaked out on my ass. So, I still need a toddler bed, car seat, and wardrobe.

I also need to make sure NYEBoy and I have all the sex we can, because last time she was here for a month, he was neglected. Poor thing. I can already hear him crying in the corner. Heh.

I Want Jellyfish and Bees

After watching Seven Pounds with Will Smith, I told Cecily I wanted to get a jellyfish. NYEBoy thought I'd lost my mind. Let me explain, it had nothing to do with the ending. It had everything to do with how beautiful it looked in the aquarium.

As if NYEBoy didn't think I was crazy enough, yesterday I had to start talking again.

Me: I was watching Martha Stewart today. She was talking about bee hives. I want to get a beehive when we move.

NYEBoy: Do what?

Me: Martha Stewart has bee hives near her garden. I want bee hives near my garden, too.

NYEBoy: Have you lost your fucking mind? You do realize, you're only suppose to watch her, you're not suppose to do anything she ever does. She's Martha Stewart and you are, well, you.

Sleeping In Separate Beds

I had to laugh the other day when Tertia said she loved her husband, but her dream was to have separate rooms to sleep in. I have to totally agree. I love NYEBoy, but I just sleep so much better when he's not next to me snoring. For the past month or so, it seems like one of us is getting to bed before the other. Last week it was him, this week it is me.

I enjoy the time we have together before one of us falls asleep, though. I love the cuddling, the debates, the sex, and the fighting of the remote. However, I just can't sleep with the snoring. It drives me insane. NYEBoy swears he doesn't snore despite me filming him. Twice! He said I messed with the volume. You know, cause I know how to do that but, like Tertia's Marko, NYEBoy would never let me do that.

I guess I'll have to spend the next 75(?) years trying to beat him to sleep each night.

Shhh, Don't Tell Her!

My BFF back home in Mem.phis, A, called me on Valentine's Day to tell me she's pregnant. She said she was tired of keeping it a secret since she was waiting on me to come back home to tell me, but wasn't sure when I was coming back home again. I am excited for her. She has also dealt with infertility. She's due in July.

I have also heard through the grape vine, two other girlfriends have left their husbands. I am a bit taken aback because I've had text conversations with both of them since my last visit, but neither have mentioned their splits. I have known both of them at least 10 years. I hope they tell me when I come visit next month, because it's weird knowing their secrets.

Nesting

I think I may have just had a nesting moment. I just spent an hour cleaning. I cleaned all the kitchen cupboards and refrigerator. I also cleaned the downstairs bathroom. I even started laundry. I have 11 bags of trash by the front door waiting for daylight. Did I mention it's only 3:30 am?

I'm going to pick up a bed for A tomorrow. I checked Craigslist, but didn't see anything. So, I decided to try Freecycle before having to buy retail. A lady emailed me and offered a frame and mattress. I hope it's in good condition because the drive is a bit out of the way. Provided it is, I just need to get her some nice sheets. I also still need to get her a car seat and spring/summer clothes.

I still need to clean the living room, bedroom, and my office. Anyone want to help?

Happy Valentine's Day, Honey!

I love you, too.

Thank you for everything.

Possibilities

I don't really know too much at the moment, but it looks like we may be taking A for longer than a month. K and A have been living with Thugboy at his mother's house since my mom's was foreclosed on last month. K told my mom today that Thugboy's mom is behind on her bills and is losing her house, too. They have to be out of the house soon.

Thugboy and K have decided to move to ATL to pursue his 'music' career. They want me to take A until they can get on their feet down there. I told my mom we could do it, so my sister is suppose to call me tomorrow to talk. I do not believe for a moment Thugboy will get that magical rap album, but I am more than willing to help make sure A is not in an unstable environment.

I wish they would just sign over their rights so we could enroll her in school and take care of her the way she really needs. I guess this will have to do until something else happens. Keep your fingers crossed.

Unprofessional Response

I awoke to an email this morning that said:

Dear Seller,

How many items do you get? Do you get all four? Your description isn't clear.

Sincerely,
Buyer
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My unprofessional response:

Dear Illiterate Buyer,

I think you e-mailed the wrong person. The first two words of my description are "CHOICE OF" in big, bold letters. Following that, you get the two choices separated by "OR" in big, bold letters. The picture isn't of four different items, but it's the front and back of your two choices. Also, there is a section that says "QUANTITY X 1" and the 1 can be adjusted to fulfill the quantity you desire.

Please feel free to actually read the description before contacting the seller.

Sincerely,
Me

800th Post

Okay, I can't keep quiet any longer. In honor of my 800th post, I'm going to list 8 things I wish I could say to the Octuplet Mom.

1. People are not up in arms about you being a single mother. You're not the first single woman to have gone through IVF to become a mother. I don't even think being single and doing IVF makes any woman irresponsible. I do however, think you are irresponsible for being a single mother with six children and deciding to do IVF to have more. You're a disgrace to any single woman who has or is trying to go through IVF to become a mother.

2. You are absolutely selfish. You have not once put your children's needs before your own selfish desires to fulfill this magical baby quota. Your children don't deserve siblings, they deserve a mother who is going to care of them. Being a 70 year old mother of six with regrets about not using those last '6' embryos is a far cry from the regret you are probably about to experience as a mother of fourteen and no real means to support them. You're a disgrace to your children.

3. Your doctor was absolutely 100% unprofessional. I don't give a shit what risk he informed you about or what you agreed to. Transferring six embryos into a mother of 6 under 7 is absolutely irresponsible. I do hope the state of California looks in to your case and revokes his license. You're a disgrace for anyone going through IVF.

4. Your smirks, lips, and nose are ridiculous. You have not awaken to reality, yet. I would love to see the smirk on your face 24 hours after arriving home with all eight babies. Who the hell has time to get their lips injected and nails done when they have eight micro-preemies in the NICU and six other children being taken care of by your parents? Oh, right, an attention seeker. You're a disgrace to yourself.

5. If your parents raised you so poorly, why are they the only ones taking care of you and your children? Stop taking advantage of your family. They have been begging you for years to stop having more. They just wanted you to take care of the ones you had. Your parents will probably stick around, after all, if they don't, who will? They are too old to have to be taking care of you and your 14 children under 7. You're a disgrace to your parents.

6. I have to laugh at the thought of you finishing school next year. There is no way you will be able to successfully raise 14 children under 7 and attend school, much less graduate. In your head it sounds like the perfect plan, but it's not reality, honey. You're a disgrace to parents juggling school and family.

7. Although we are not sure exactly of the relationship between you and the sperm donor, I can only say how I feel about him knowing what we do, now. Leave him alone. Stop hoping that one day he will come around, that's not what a sperm donor is. You're a disgrace to sperm donors.

8. How dare you expect anyone else to donate to your cause or to pay your bills. You assumed those risks when you did the treatments again. You've made your bed, now lie in it. You're a disgrace to people who actually need help because of things out of their control.

This lady makes me ill and it's not because I'm a jealous, childless infertile. I feel incredibly sorry for her parents and her children.

My Office

Let's talk about my office because I don't want to talk about the Octuplets, my blues, weight loss, infertility, or family drama. I've been working from home since September, but having a hard time getting organized and forcing myself to work every day. It's also hard because NYEBoy's schedule this semester has me away from the house 1-3 hours a day during the week. I've worked from home before, but it was different, I was a nanny.

Now, I have at least 50 storage containers full of inventory and I keep shopping for more. Having this much inventory makes me feel overwhelmed. It's so much fun shopping for inventory, but everything else up until it gets shipped out, is a pain in the ass. I've got to try to get it all listed before we move in July, though. It's entirely possible if I get off my ass, but it's going to take persistence.

I'm not even going to mention I'm still pissed NYEBoy won't let me have the master bedroom for my office. I keep thinking all these bins everywhere will annoy him one day and he will give in, but so far I haven't had any luck. We better get a bigger house in July, that's all I'm saying.

On a completely different note, don't forget to catch Matt tomorrow (Wed, 2-11) on Rachael Ray.

We Know His Name

It's Michael Kamrava, M.D. The Dr. Michael Kamrava of the West Coast IVF Clinic in Beverily Hills, the irresponsible doctor who helped Nayda, a mother of 6, become a mother of 14 with one transfer. I think the state of California needs to look into this case. Something isn't right.

A Letter To My Mom & Sister

Dear K,

Your mother spent your tax refund last year, not me. If you're not careful, she'll do it again this year.

Sincerely,
Your Sister

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Dear Mom,

Thanks for spending K's tax refund last year, now she thinks I cheated her out of her money. Fuck you and your damn addiction.

Sincerely,
Your Daughter

$7 on the 7th

Remember Matt?

We know the economy is tough, but for $7 a month you too can help a family in need.

Tooth-Chipping Choking Hazards

Beware of Fudgsicles because they can be tooth-chipping choking hazards. The company should be happy to know an adult was eating this and not a child. Can you imagine the what if's? Apparently, they just wanted to make sure I was getting enough fiber.



Yes, I did e-mail this picture to the company with a friendly letter explaining that just because I was from Tennessee didn't mean I didn't want to keep all of my teeth, nor do I care to play magician with my digestive system.

LOOK KIDS!
It's a magical Popsicle, in a few hours she'll be shitting out wood chips!
WWWOOOWWWW!

T.G.F.S.B.

Thank Goodness For Spring Break!

It looks like we're heading back home March 6th or 7th. Yey! NYEBoy is going to drive down and visit his friends while I stay in Mem.phis to visit mine. We're bringing A back down with us for probably three or four weeks. I'll meet my mom halfway when she has a four day vacation at the end of March.

Now, I just need to make a dent in the inventory I have since I might be distracted for a few weeks with her here. I also need to clean up and look into getting a toddler bed because she's a sideways sleeper.

The only thing I am not looking forward to is that fucking drive. Gah! Talla.hassee to Mem.phis and back in a few days, sucks!

A Letter To My Drug Dealer, Part Deux

Dear Coke,

Apparently, you received my last letter, because you responded today.





Now, I'm no math scholar, but I think you need to check your math. Currently, we're allowed to enter 10 codes a day. Each code is worth 3 points. That's 30 points a day, 210 points a week. Your new 'no limit' is 120 points per week. Who the fuck is doing your math? Fire them. Now.

Sincerely,
Your #1 Customer

♪♫♪ I've Got The Blues ... ♪♫♪

[insert the old black guy playing saxophone* ♪♫♪]

I haven't really been feeling well lately and it's not just this stupid fucking cold. I've been feeling down, unmotivated even. I think part of it is I miss my friends and family back home, but the other part just dawned on me tonight while I was crying in bed scaring the hell out of NYEBoy. My birthday is at the end of next month and I'll be 25 and still a childless infertile.

I had so many hopes and dreams that were to be accomplished by 25. My Mom turned 25, 2 weeks after giving birth to me. Growing up, I always told her I did not want to be an old** mom. In fact, I was going to be done or at least almost done, having all 6 of my children by the time I turned 25. You know, cause that's how I roll.

That dream came to a screeching halt of reality about four and a half years ago. Unless there is some divine intervention complete with a parade and fireworks, I'll probably be at least 30 before we bring out the big guns (You know, when the Boy graduates!) and that saddens me. It saddens me because there is nothing I can do to fill this void until then. Plain and simple, it fucking sucks. Truly.

I hate crying about it. I hate feeling down about it. There's nothing I can do, nor can NYEBoy. When I get upset, he says he could just quit school and get a job making enough to do treatments. Of course, I am not going to let him do that. I wish he could understand that. As bad as it hurts, it's okay to mourn what I don't have until I do. I'm going to feel the emptiness. Some days the pain will be more raw than others and on those days, I might even cry.


* No offense to old black guys. I'm from Mem.phis and this is who I picture when I picture singing the Blues. So, fuck off.
** Hey, if I'm going to piss off the old black men, I may as well piss off the old women, too. Before you get all hostile towards me, I'm not calling you old.

Dirty Laundry

What Skinny Jeans? gave me a great blogging idea. It's called Dirty Laundry. You make a list of 10 things that you wish you could say/do to people without telling them. I only want to do five. It's suppose to make you feel better after you air it. So, let's see if it works...

1. I don't understand why you are wasting your life with him. His promises are empty and so is his life. He's only going to drag you down further. Please wake up and break free, you're stronger than that. I'm right here waiting for you.

2. You are a bigot and God thinks so, too.

3. You don't deserve your children.

4. Stop blaming everyone else for your problems. You have no one to blame but yourself. I don't feel sorry for you.

5. I asked you a few weeks ago if I could do something and you told me no. Last week I saw someone was doing it and you even supported them. I have to say, I'm pretty pissed off but, I can't say anything because everyone likes you.

Whew, I feel better all ready. Ha.