The honeymoon period has been over for awhile now. A few weeks ago, we had a falling out. The conversation ended with NYEBoy and I walking out of the house, slamming the door, and driving away without a word. While we were gone, we picked up a pizza, parked our car, and talked. We couldn't believe how much we had given to someone who was so completely ungrateful. We wondered if we had made the right decision by bringing them back. We wondered if the stress to our relationship was even worth it.
After we talked, we decided to call my parents. We called my dad first, then my mom. Although my dad wasn't much help, they both agreed we needed to sit down, as a family, to talk about things. When I returned home, I couldn't bring myself to sit down with K to talk to her without bringing my emotions into it. So, I didn't talk. We didn't talk. Slowly, we started talking to each other again and things were back to the way they were. But, they really weren't. The issues were still there, just being ignored.
The tension between us grew bit by bit. She stopped doing any cleaning. She would call Thugboy for help with her homework. If he couldn't help her, she would ask us, but give us a ton of attitude. If she couldn't understand something quick, which for the most part, she can't, she says she wants to give up and go back to working at Walmart. Because, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHO USES MATH OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL?
I've been saying for a few weeks now that I am going to talk to her. We're all adults here. Surely we can talk without screaming, slamming door, and driving away. I finally decided to talk to her. I went into her room, told her to make a list of things that bothered her about the house, us, life, whatever, and I would be back in a bit with my list, so that we could talk.
She told me she didn't have any complaints. She was just concerned about passing school. I, on the other hand, had a list of things that were bothering me/us. We went through the list together, her and I. Things were ironed out and I think we are both on the same page again, which is relieving. I'm sure we'll have more disagreements, perhaps even tomorrow, but it's nice to have this off of my chest and out of my mind.
I just need to remember, if you resist, it will persist.
11 comments:
Good for you. It can be really hard to sit down and talk like that.
It's good that you were able to sit down and talk things over.
It's always good when you can sit down and work things out. No one likes to live in uncomfortable silence as issues get ignored. :) I hope the peace and order restored to your homestead lasts a while!!
The fear of talking things out is always worse than the actual conversation. And afterwards, I always feel so much better. I'm glad you were able to sit down and talk about stuff.
ICLW
It's good that you managed to sit down and have the conversation. Stuff will come up again, but remember you have done it once, so you can do it again.
ICLW
Glad you were able to talk with your sister...opening the lines of communication is hard. I'm dealing with that very thing right now.
ICLW
Good for you! I think keeping the line of communication open will make all the difference. My sis and I pretty much hated each other for a long time. When one would go visit my mother the other did not want to be there. Then one time our visits clashed and we got into a huge argument which resulted in her storming out. I went after her and finally said...why are we like this? Long story short we talked for a long time and found that we had horrible communication with each other. We "assumed" things about the other person that were not true. Ever since that day things have been a million times better and now 5 yrs later we are the best of friends. The key for us is that when someone says something that bothers the other person we immediately say something like "what I heard you say was...". Most of the time what I/she hears is totally different then what was meant.
I hope things continue to get better and better for you!
New normals are so hard, so so hard. That's why we love Big Brother type shows so much--it would be awesome to vote someone out of the house and off the island sometimes.
I'm so glad that you managed to get some stuff out in the open.
Hugs.
Sass
Talking. It's like taking the trap off the sink drain and pulling out the hair wad. It sucks, but sometimes you just have to do it, and things flow much better afterwards. Good for you.
Ahhh, family drama. It is the elephant in the room many times here at our humble abode as well...my sis AND mom are currently living with DH and I. What were we thinking? ;p
Glad that you guys got things out in the open...maybe the peace will reign for a while now! :)
Happy ICLW Week!
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