If Only I Was Pregnant

My last cycle was at the end of January. Incase you haven't looked at a calendar lately, we are now in the middle of September. For the past 230 days, I've been wondering where my cycle was. I've never gone this long without a cycle. After all, my personal record is was only 117 days. We're almost four months beyond that date.

Every time I get ready to take a shower, I stand naked in front of the mirror examining my ever expanding belly. Perhaps I'll be one of those ladies on TLC's show who didn't know they were pregnant. I know, I know, that can't possibly be true, but maybe, just maybe it is. I'd examine the front and side profile. Yeah, I am getting bigger. And there are stretch marks. I glide one of my hands around my belly, almost as if I was making a wish. Oh, I wish I will, I wish I might... do you know what I would fucking do to be pregnant tonight? I would press my hand into my stomach, hoping I'd feel something hard and round. Maybe even something touch back.

It never happened, but I have gained a lot of weight. I did crave and eat a dill pickle and ice cream this summer, though. I couldn't bring myself to test over the past few months. I didn't want to jinx the possibility.

About a week or so ago, I had the most annoying cramps on the way to take the kids* to school. I thought my cycle was going to start. I prayed they wouldn't be bad since I had to take care of A by myself. Thankfully, they went away before I even got back home. A few days later, I had a few painful zits under the skin on my chin. While I was Google-ing for some home remedies, I came across a few forums where chics said they got them around the time of their cycle starting.

Much to my surprise, my cycle started back about two hours ago. I guess if I can't be pregnant, the next best thing will be to ovulate and have a cycle on my own. If only I was pregnant, I would be due in about 7 weeks. Instead, I'm searching for a pack of tampons because I haven't needed them in awhile.