When K and A first moved in with us, it didn't take long for us to notice that K yells, screams, pinches, and spanks A a lot. It's no surprise really. K has spent the majority of A's life working one or two jobs to support Thugboy and A. She hasn't had any real time to be a real mother. She only knows how to parent from what she's learned from our mother, which isn't to say much. Every time she yells, screams, pinches, or spanks, I'm instantly transported back to my childhood. I'm even beginning to notice when K does these things to her, A immediately reaches for her mother, the exact same way I did. She just wants her mother to love her, not yell, scream, pinch, or spank her.
Parenting is a hard gig. I've never said child rearing was all rainbows and sunshine. I won't even lie, there are some days where I think maybe God made me infertile because I'm not cut out for this. Yes, there are days when one wants to crawl into a hole, alone, to rock back and forth chanting "la-la-la-la I can't hear you!" But, you also have to stop and think why is my child acting the way they are? Are they tired? Have they eaten? Do they need attention? Have they been watching too much tv? Why are they getting on my nerves?
Children need a schedule. They need consistency. They need to know what to expect. They need to be fed healthy foods. They need to be given naps. They need to go to bed at a decent time. They need attention and love. If they don't get these things, then you can't be mad when they act out at anyone but yourself. I've been slowly trying to teach K these things, but I think she thinks I'm just blowing smoke up her ass. You know, because I don't have kids because I'm biologically fucked up, I can't possibly know a damn thing about parenting. Duh, didn't you know, as soon as you pop a kid from your vagina you're automatically a know-it-all?
Yesterday, K came home from school and slept all afternoon. She even kicked A out of her room twice when A tried to go lay down with her. Tonight, I rolled over in bed to get back in NYEBoy's arms, when I looked into A's bed to check on her, I noticed she was gone. My heart stopped. I hit NYEBoy and damned near screamed "A IS GONE! A IS GONE!" I ran downstairs to K's room and opened the door to see if A was with her. K said she couldn't go to sleep so she came upstairs to get A.
Are you fucking kidding me? Because YOU can't sleep you're going to get a SLEEPING child out of bed knowing YOU have to be up early to get ready for school. Now, I get the joys of dealing with a child who's sleep was fucked up all day today while her mother is at school. When she comes home from school, she'll be bitching at her because she's got homework to do. She'll need to decompress.
K is a selfish parent. She only wants her when it's convenient for her. She's fine with how you parent, until she's ready. Then, you don't know anything and she knows everything. She didn't believe A could go to sleep on her own. As she told NYEBoy, "She only goes to sleep right away for me, because I'm her Mom." Despite that after a week of getting into a routine of brushing teeth, going to potty, reading a book, and turning on some light music, she's able to fall asleep on her own with very little protest on her end.
I just wish she would make a better effort at this parenting gig. She mumbles several times a week that she can't wait until she's done with school and out of here and how she can't wait until I have a kid. I wish she would appreciate this chance we've given her. Not many people get a chance like this. It's not easy on the relationship between NYEBoy and I, either. I'm completely risking my relationship with a man I know I'm supposed to be with for the rest of my life, to give her and her child a better chance at life than her own parents or Thugboy ever has.
The shitty mother cycle has to end somewhere. It's not fair for A to have to grow up this way because she was unluckily brought into this world by two dumbasses. I can only hang on to the hope that if this doesn't work out, that despite all of the trials she may have to go through, she can over come it just as I have.