As you all know, my sister has been staying with us for two weeks until she goes to live with my uncle. We've spent a lot of time talking over the past ten days or so. She told me about a month or two ago, she started having dreams about her ex. While we were in Mem.phis, we drove by his house to leave a note for his Dad to tell him to have S call us. We even found him on F@cebook and sent him a message.
S lived across the street from us. He was a very nice guy, always talking to my mom and I when he came over or while we were in the yard. He's a year younger than I am and three years older than K. He moved to Virgina when he joined the military. They dated off and on for three years. Since they broke up the last time, they both have had a child by someone else. If K ever talked about the family not liking Thugboy because he was black, we always responded that his race had nothing to do with why we didn't like him. We didn't like him because he was worthless, lazy, and a punk. If he was more like S, we wouldn't care.
On the way home from the beach yesterday, K told me if S still had his life going good for him and he proposed to her, she would say yes. If he was happily with someone else, she would feel at peace with that, too. She said it was up to fate to get them back together. If they were meant to be together, he would contact her.
My dad told me on the phone the other night that S had been calling trying to get a hold of K. I asked if I could have his number to talk to him. My dad refused, saying it was not in her best interest, despite me saying *I* wanted it to talk to him. Meanwhile, I got a reply back on F@cebook last night from S. He is single and does want to hear from K. He gave me his number telling her to call morning, noon, or night.
Now, I'm not sure what to do. Do I call him on my own to talk to him to see where he is in his life? Do I give her his number to have her call? Do I intervene with fate, like my father is doing, to keep quiet? I know if it were my ex, I would want to talk to him. Whether it be for closure or a new beginning.
What would you do if it was your sister?
12 comments:
If I were your sister, I would want the number and I would not want you to call first. If I were you, I would call first. I'm sure that helps a ton, huh?
I wouldn't call him, I would give my sister the number. I may shoot him an email via facebook to see how he is doing and get some info before giving my sister the #.
ICLW
I'd give my sister the number. I'd also probably talk to her about how she should not jump into anything just yet, since she's just been through a really terrible situation.
My sister would probably hate me for it (in the short term), but I would call and talk to him before giving her the number. I would just keep it casual, but it would help to put your mind at ease.
I think I would give her the number and let her make the choice. I know I would want it and I would be mad if my sister called and did not give me the number. Just my advise.
My sister married someone - and is totally and completely happy with - who I would have protected her from, had I had the chance. Sometimes we don't see clearly, even when we have the best intentions. Also, she might never forgive you if you don't give her the number. You two are bonding and beginning a new phase of your own relationship. Don't give her a reason not to trust you. Just my opinion.
I agree with Jill and Kristen. I'd give her the number and let her make her own choices so as not to jeopardize my relationship with my sister, but I'd also do what I could *as* a sister to try to keep her steered in the right direction.
I think that I would give her the number but suggest that you should call him first, just to get the scoop.
or maybe it is best if you stay out of it. I know, I am no help. No help at all. The bottom line is that you need to decide what you would regret less and do that, whatever it is.
If it were me, I would certainly be tempted to intervene. HOWEVER- your sister is an adult- and a mother, and she needs to be able to make her own choices. I wouldn't risk the rift by interfering or becoming involved. If this lad truly has his shit together- he may be a bigger help to your sister than you think- if not, it's another lesson learned for her.
Happy ICLW!
That's a tough one! I'm VERY over protective and I would call first. Even though I know it would piss off my sister or friend. When you're not in the middle *emotionally* of a situation like you are, you can better asses it. She is coming off a huge break up and getting together with a man probably isn't a good idea. But if he's a friend and you scope him out first, I think it'll be OK. I hope that made SOME kind of sense.
*HUGS*
Interesting that you named this post 'fate'.
What fate has in store for your sister and S is unknown to everyone, yourself included.
Sure you could intervene or keep your information to yourself, but should your sister and S manage to find each other, your actions could risk exposure.
Despite her difficult past, it ultimately is only your sister that can decide her future.
Give her the number. Let your sister and S decide for themselves...with a little help from fate!
Best wishes in deciding!
If I were in your shoes, I would give my sister the number.
ICLW
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