Possible Food Poison

Yesterday evening, I tweeted that I had bought a watermelon and was going to consume the whole thing if someone didn't stop me. I was kidding, sort of. I ate three bowls in the span of about three hours.

Around 11 pm, my stomach starting hurting. I started having diarrhea. Over the course of about an hour, it continually began getting worse. My stomach would contract, I would have to run to the bathroom, praying along the way that I would make it there in time. Around 1 am, I decided to try to get some sleep. I was really tired and thought if I was asleep, I wouldn't have to run to the bathroom. I was wrong. I was still up every minute or two, sometimes if I was lucky I got a ten minute break.

This continued to go on for hours. I thought I was going to die around 2-3am. I was getting weak. There was no let up. There were knots in my abdomen that were painful to touch, but even more painful to ignore. Around 5 am I started throwing up. I threw up three times. I checked my fever because I was feeling hot. After having diarrhea for over six hours, I was now vomiting and running a fever.

I made NYEBoy run to the store to get me some Sprite and bread for toast. I called my aunt's (the nurse) house and they told me to go to the ER. I decided to weigh myself, if I had lost 5 lbs, I would go. Otherwise, I would try to sweat it out until the family physician office opened up in a few hours. I had only lost about 4lbs. I thought by throwing up, I would feel better because there seriously couldn't be a drop of watermelon left in me at that point.

I slept off and on for the next few hours. Waking up to my mother calling to check on me. She's really concerned about dehydration at this point. I drank about 10 oz of sprite and kept a piece of toast down around 8 this morning.

It's now a little bit after noon and I just woke up again. I've got to get some shipping labels printed off and then I'll probably try to lay down again. I know I'm dehydrated though, because my normally big bright blue veins are small and almost hardly noticeable.

I guess I should say, the reason I think I may have been food poisoned by the watermelon is because it was very dirty when I bought it, but instead of properly cleaning it like a dumbass, I just wiped it down with a damp towel I had been using to clean the kitchen sink area. I thought I would would transfer something from the sink to the rind, so that's why I didn't put it in the sink to wash off the dirt. I was too lazy to walk to the closet to get another wash rag. I figured since I had just got that one, it couldn't be too bad. Wrong. I am stupid. Plus, my stomach didn't stop hurting until damn near every bite of watermelon was out of me, one way or another. Again, I am stupid.

Note to the wise: clean the fucking watermelon the proper way, even if it means you have to clean your sink and counters first.

There's my public service announcement for the day, week, month, year lifetime.