That's what my grandma yells at me every time she sees me. "I'm tired of seeing you in the same shirt", she'll add. A year and a half ago, I started eating out more because it's easier and cheaper to do that with only one or two mouths to feed. Throw in a 2 liter a day coke addiction, and there is no question why I weigh as much as I do. Slowly, my clothes began to feel a little snug. And snugger. And snugger. Then, I had to move.
As I boxed up the clothes from my closet, in went the scrubs, the little black dress, the simple black shirt, and everything else that no longer fit. In another bag I packed 5 shirts, a pair of jeans, a pair of velour pants, pajamas, socks, and panties. And that's all I have worn for four months. In fact, I don't even worn the jeans unless I absolutely have to, because they are so fucking uncomfortable.
I've always been about a size 8, thanks to that ass of mine. But then I saw 10, 12, and 14. I refused to buy anything bigger, but I knew I had to do something. I've tried diet pills, but since I had open heart surgery and the pills made me feel funny, I knew I didn't want to mess with those again. I've tried a few diets, but I always fall off the bandwagon when I don't see instant results. It's unreasonable, I know. I didn't gain this weight over night and it's not going to dissipate overnight, either. I'm know I am not ready for a lifestyle change but, I had to do something. I decided I start adding exercise and water into my life, baby steps. I've lost just over 2lbs since I started. Last week, I even went two days without a coke.
I'm still fat. I still don't fit in my other clothes, but with a little bit of persistence, I hope to wear those clothes again. I hope to open that box that's been sitting in the living room floor since I moved four months ago and wear those clothes. One day, maybe I'll even have to buy clothes that fit because those clothes will be too big. But, for now, I'm going to try to keep fighting. The results are painfully slow, but surely it'll pay off. Then, my grandma can smile when she sees me wearing something other than those five shirts and those damn black pants.
5 comments:
I too have watched the sizes grow and it's so frustrating. I'm not as good with exercise as I should be, and I hate to be so restrictive in my diet since other aspects of my life are so limiting. but I know I can't fill that hole with treats either. the closet game is one I've been losing for awhile. gotta get that under control.
I keep trying to remind myself of the same thing: I didn't gain this weight overnight, and I won't lose it overnight. It has taken me 5 weeks, but I have lost 7 pounds. At least I can see results! Good job on losing a couple pounds-KEEP AT IT!!
ICLW
Good for you! I am the same way. I am totally addicted to Coke and when trying to change the way I eat I get frustrated easily and give up. I get mad because I think it is such a long road and I will never get there but then every year at about this time I think if I would have stuck with it I would have lost so much weight by now. Doing something, anything, is better then nothing. Keep at it you are doing a good job!
I stopped buying clothes when I grew out of my size 14 pants. The waistbands hurt SO bad around my middle (what wasn't spilling out). I kind of thought of it as my punishment.
You can do this. Baby steps is right. You've already taken the first few.
ICLW
Losing weight sucks, doesn't it? It sounds like you have a great plan and a great mindset. You can do it. I know you can!
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