Today is my 24th birthday. It's weird, I'm almost 25, which is almost 30, which is almost 40, which is almost old*. Last night a big group of us went to dinner, I had four drinks and a shot which apparently ended with mixed results. My girlfriend M says I was hysterical, while I think I remember a brief moment of bitchiness towards NYEBoy at some point before I went to bed. Hey, he got drunk sex out of the deal so I made it up to him.
I haven't had my slice of cake or blown out a candle yet. I don't even know if I have a candle actually. I have been blown up with phone calls and text messages since 6:21 am from my friends and family wishing me a happy birthday, I really am loved!
NYEBoy replaced my phone, got me @pple TV, and the W!! console with tons of games for my birthday. S-P-O-I-L-E-D indeed!
The year between twenty=three and twenty-four has been a crazy emotional ride. I have a feeling the next twelve months will bring me much happiness and joy. I am no where near where I thought I would be at 24, but I am getting there, finally.
On a side note, this week has been crazy busy. After waiting five hours for NIGHT court, I spent less than two seconds entering a guilty plea, which I still don't know what I was "guilty" of. I knew the wreck was my fault though, so I just said "Guilty" and paid my fucking fine, damn it that was expensive! My cycle finally started this week, just in time for my insurance to expire, so now I get 12 months of pre-existing to deal with. I have to reschedule the appointment for next month.
*I said almost! Please don't get mad at me for saying that 40 is almost old. When I'm 40, 80 will almost be old.
Sunday, March 30
Monday, March 24
I'm Going To Do It
NYEBoy wants me to head south with him.
I think as long as things continue to go well, I will. We are hoping to go down there to look for a place at the end of next month or beginning of May. He will move there in August, but I probably won't head down there right away.
The apartment lease isn't up until Sept, which puts us pretty close to the holidays. I really want to stay with my family and job through the holidays. My mom takes a week after Christmas or at the first of the year so I will probably wait until then, so she can help.
My family supports this, my closest friends do, too. Even if things don't work out once I get down there, I know without a doubt I could come back home to my family and get my job back.
I am excited, nervous, and did I mention excited? He's a great guy. The future is looking pretty damn sweet.
I think as long as things continue to go well, I will. We are hoping to go down there to look for a place at the end of next month or beginning of May. He will move there in August, but I probably won't head down there right away.
The apartment lease isn't up until Sept, which puts us pretty close to the holidays. I really want to stay with my family and job through the holidays. My mom takes a week after Christmas or at the first of the year so I will probably wait until then, so she can help.
My family supports this, my closest friends do, too. Even if things don't work out once I get down there, I know without a doubt I could come back home to my family and get my job back.
I am excited, nervous, and did I mention excited? He's a great guy. The future is looking pretty damn sweet.
Things aren't as they may seem.
This is a girl.
This is a toilet.
Girl + Toilet = Big Girl!
This is a toilet.
Girl + Toilet = Big Girl!
Did anyone see where this* was in the equation?
or better yet, IN THE MOTHER FUCKING TOILET??????!!!!!!!
*please click link at your own discretion, I nearly died myself. Apparently I have survived, however it did not.
Wednesday, March 19
This Is Kinda Nice..
I could get used to working a three day week every week. Tomorrow is my "Friday". Sweet! I left work before finishing balancing this afternoon and have been stuck in bed since with a migraine. I'm starting to feel a tad bit better finally, but now we have major storms on their way so I think I will probably be up again once they venture over the river.
I got all my lab results back, I will post a comparison tomorrow.
I got all my lab results back, I will post a comparison tomorrow.
Monday, March 17
I Hate Sundays
I hate Sunday's because they are never a day of rest for me. It's always the beginning of another rush. It's 11:45pm and I am running around trying to clean my house and trying to figure out how little sleep do I need that I could still function tomorrow. I really need to try to get to work at like 5 because I need to do some things. If I get to work at 5 that would require me waking up at 3 something. I am working a 3 day work week this week but I'm already exhausted. I am suppose to go out with my bff M tomorrow night for drinks for St. Pattys day but I just don't know if I will be able to do it yet.
My trash is over flowing, I can't get to the dishwasher because of the dishes, the clothes and toys are about to form a monster at any given moment to swallow me whole. But, my bathroom is clean and there is a very teeny tiny pathway to the door if I need to run fast from the clothes monster once he is able to get through the trash and climb the dish mountain. No, this is not an episode of D0ra!
Btw, there's nothing like spending six hours at your dad's house while your brother works on you car to listen to your dad bitching about how much weight you've gained and trying to explain it's called P-C-O-S not F-A-T-A-S-S. Please, someone, hurry and get my parents the award for parents of the year before some other jackass wins it for showing their daughter more love in one week.
My trash is over flowing, I can't get to the dishwasher because of the dishes, the clothes and toys are about to form a monster at any given moment to swallow me whole. But, my bathroom is clean and there is a very teeny tiny pathway to the door if I need to run fast from the clothes monster once he is able to get through the trash and climb the dish mountain. No, this is not an episode of D0ra!
Btw, there's nothing like spending six hours at your dad's house while your brother works on you car to listen to your dad bitching about how much weight you've gained and trying to explain it's called P-C-O-S not F-A-T-A-S-S. Please, someone, hurry and get my parents the award for parents of the year before some other jackass wins it for showing their daughter more love in one week.
Saturday, March 15
If You Don't Like The Weather..
stay for a minute, it'll change!
NYEBoy is making his way back home after being stuck on the interstate because of a broken hose causing smoke. He is 45 minutes away from his house and 2+ hours from mine. Sigh. He just got off the phone to call the tow truck back because his battery light just came on and it's still smoking and jerking. Wonderful! Hopefully he can get it back home in one non-smoked-out piece so he can get it fixed first thing in the morning. I miss him!
Now, we had 5 inches of snow last Friday, flash forward to tonight, and we are dealing with the possibilities of tornados. Three storm cells in our area right now with more on the way from Oklahoma. We have warnings until 8 am, I think it's going to be a very long night, fuck!
NYEBoy is making his way back home after being stuck on the interstate because of a broken hose causing smoke. He is 45 minutes away from his house and 2+ hours from mine. Sigh. He just got off the phone to call the tow truck back because his battery light just came on and it's still smoking and jerking. Wonderful! Hopefully he can get it back home in one non-smoked-out piece so he can get it fixed first thing in the morning. I miss him!
Now, we had 5 inches of snow last Friday, flash forward to tonight, and we are dealing with the possibilities of tornados. Three storm cells in our area right now with more on the way from Oklahoma. We have warnings until 8 am, I think it's going to be a very long night, fuck!
Friday, March 14
A Plea For Help
I got my labs rechecked this week for an upcoming appointment with the gyno again. My LH, FSH, and Estridol were completely different from the past three years of having those drawn. Can anyone explain in stupid girl terms what they mean number wise? I don't want to wait two weeks to find out what caused the results.
Tuesday, March 11
Two
I've been working out five days a week, but I have gained two pounds.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I can't let go of the sodas, even though I know it's not good for me. I can't stop reaching for that container of frozen yogurt, because it's healthier than chocolate ice cream with toppings. I can't drink water, because plan water, with or without ice, fucking sucks.
I hate my body right now. I am so disappointed. I just want to crawl into a hole and eat myself til I choke.
Sigh.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I can't let go of the sodas, even though I know it's not good for me. I can't stop reaching for that container of frozen yogurt, because it's healthier than chocolate ice cream with toppings. I can't drink water, because plan water, with or without ice, fucking sucks.
I hate my body right now. I am so disappointed. I just want to crawl into a hole and eat myself til I choke.
Sigh.
Monday, March 10
Congratulations, Honey!!
NYEBoy got his acceptance letter to Florida State today!
Congratulations, honey!!
Congratulations, honey!!
Sunday, March 9
What If You Knew You Would Never Be A Mom?
My mom has been staying with me this past week since my car is being worked on. We had a discussion a night or two ago, about me being infertile. I forgot what brought the discussion up, but it made it's presence none the less. My mom had three children, in her words, 'by just thinking about sex'. She doesn't regret us, but never wanted us either. Harsh words from your mother, but growing up as her daughter, those words don't shock me. I didn't say they don't sting though.
She said she doesn't understand my desire to have children. She doesn't understand any woman's desire to have a child so bad to spend thousands and thousands of dollars. She doesn't understand why it would consume someone's entire life. She doesn't understand why someone would want something so badly.
She looked at me and said "What if you knew today, at twenty-three years old, no matter how hard you tried, how much money you spent, how many tears you shed, or prayers your prayed, that you would never be a mother? Not even through adoption. Don't you think you should plan for that? Don't you think you should plan your future as if you will never be a mom? You're going to be on this earth for God-willing another 75-80 years. You need to plan for that and not worry so much about not being a Mom."
I told her that wasn't an option. I will be a Mom, some day, some how. I truly don't know what I would do with my life if I wasn't a Mom at some point. Sure, I could go to school to become something big and fancy and dedicate my life to whatever that was. But I don't want to. Will I really wake up tomorrow to being a childless 50 year old woman and regret that? I don't know.
It is indeed some food for thought. So, what about you? What if you knew from this day forward, you will never be a mom, ever. What are you doing with your life? Just a little food for thought.
She said she doesn't understand my desire to have children. She doesn't understand any woman's desire to have a child so bad to spend thousands and thousands of dollars. She doesn't understand why it would consume someone's entire life. She doesn't understand why someone would want something so badly.
She looked at me and said "What if you knew today, at twenty-three years old, no matter how hard you tried, how much money you spent, how many tears you shed, or prayers your prayed, that you would never be a mother? Not even through adoption. Don't you think you should plan for that? Don't you think you should plan your future as if you will never be a mom? You're going to be on this earth for God-willing another 75-80 years. You need to plan for that and not worry so much about not being a Mom."
I told her that wasn't an option. I will be a Mom, some day, some how. I truly don't know what I would do with my life if I wasn't a Mom at some point. Sure, I could go to school to become something big and fancy and dedicate my life to whatever that was. But I don't want to. Will I really wake up tomorrow to being a childless 50 year old woman and regret that? I don't know.
It is indeed some food for thought. So, what about you? What if you knew from this day forward, you will never be a mom, ever. What are you doing with your life? Just a little food for thought.
Thursday, March 6
Say What?
I had my BMI done on our new bone density machine yesterday at work. I decided since I was laying there I would have the tech hit the button and do a bone density, too. Now, although my BMI is a little on the overweight side and I really need to work on that, our biggest concern was actually the results of the bone density.
I am going to be 24-years old at the end of the month, but my bones look like a 40-something year old. What the fuck? After talking with my doctor, she's decided I should go back to the gyno for our yearly because she thinks the results of the bone density are from the PCOS and lack of estrogen. She also said I should start taking the vitamins 3x a day.
Seriously, this fucking sucks!
April 4th, mark the calendars.
I am going to be 24-years old at the end of the month, but my bones look like a 40-something year old. What the fuck? After talking with my doctor, she's decided I should go back to the gyno for our yearly because she thinks the results of the bone density are from the PCOS and lack of estrogen. She also said I should start taking the vitamins 3x a day.
Seriously, this fucking sucks!
April 4th, mark the calendars.
Monday, March 3
It Never Goes Away
I noticed today I was on cycle day 63. I really thought my cycles were starting to come back around with the 36ish day cycles. I'm not pregnant or even trying. I just wish they wouldn't be so damn long. I know she's around the corner though, because I am starting to break out. Fucking hormones.
PS: My car problems suck. Mom is spending the night tonight so she can drop me off at work on her way home tomorrow. Aww, bonding time Heh.
PS: My car problems suck. Mom is spending the night tonight so she can drop me off at work on her way home tomorrow. Aww, bonding time Heh.
Saturday, March 1
A Letter To My Body
Thanks to Mel, I have decided to write a letter to my body. You should do it, too.
--------------
Dear Body,
Hey! What's up? Although I have talked with you a few times, I've never really sat down to write you a letter in the almost twenty-four years we've been hanging out. Okay, so it's 2008 and typing is about as close to "writing" as I come to since I've left school, I'm sure you'll understand.
I wanted to first say thank you. Thank you for fighting so hard to keep me alive in the hospital as a premature baby since my mother's body obviously didn't like us too much. Don't take it personally though, it didn't like my siblings either, even if it did put up with them a little bit longer. Can you blame her? We're quite the thing, you and I.
I'll start with the head. Head, you've produced some beautiful hair. People are envious, I just wish I didn't have to use the straightener every day for an hour to make it look so great. Ears, are ya listening? Probably only one of you are. Right side, thank you for being there for me from the beginning. Left side, although it took us a little over a year to realize you weren't with us, we're glad you joined in for the ride, it's amazing you listen to as much as you do considering we had to create you from my cartilage. Eyes, your lashes are stunning, your pupil is amazing. Thank you for allowing all of us to see the big bright world. Please keep fighting, let's prove the doctor's wrong, I don't want to only see black. Hair, could you do me a favor? Stop being a whore, stay on my head, not all over my fucking face, it's so unlady like! Teeth, lips, and nose, keep up the good work.
Arms and Legs, we have my father to thank for the muscle pain. I am trying my best to work on us, but it's exhausting at times. You don't have to get all uptight, I know I run you ragged, but I promise to try to treat you at least once a month to a pedicure and manicure.
Now torso, we've really been through some shit. Heart, although we fixed the hole you gave me at seven months, we've been doing pretty good since. Keep up the good work, I can't promise guys and life won't try to break us up again, I will try my best to safe guard us. Stomach, I can't help it the mind enjoys pizza, soda, chocolate, and good food. Can't you just work with us? I'm sure abs really doesn't want the 150 squishes I have been giving it every day, so go easy on us! By the way, I won't discuss the doctor bills you owe my father for from our teenage years. I am just glad you don't hurt nearly as bad now. Now back, you can stand in line with arms and legs, it's my dad's fault you're all curved, but do you really have to be so painful? Breast, you hold some resent me towards me I know, but we had to cut one of you so we could all survive what the heart was doing to us. I know it took you until our 20's for you finally feel comfortable enough with us to grow, but seriously, don't stop now! Oh yeah, do me a favor, please promise me when I get pregnant and have a baby you won't fail me like ovaries just because they cut you, Ass, girl, what can I say? Girl, you've got it going on!
Ovaries, you get a space to yourself, even if you don't deserve it. I don't understand why you have to be such a bitch. Sure, in high school it was nice not to see you in gym class every month, but I am in my twenties now and I am ready to be a Mom. I've been ready since 2004 when we began trying. It's 2008 now, get your ass in gear. I did us a favor and got rid of that asshole M. So please, please get your shit together, I am looking for Mr. Right. Let's not disappoint him, okay?
Now you're doing a good job over all, let's keep it up. Surely we've got another 100 or so years, so let's play nice and not disappoint one another.
Love,
Your Keeper
--------------
Dear Body,
Hey! What's up? Although I have talked with you a few times, I've never really sat down to write you a letter in the almost twenty-four years we've been hanging out. Okay, so it's 2008 and typing is about as close to "writing" as I come to since I've left school, I'm sure you'll understand.
I wanted to first say thank you. Thank you for fighting so hard to keep me alive in the hospital as a premature baby since my mother's body obviously didn't like us too much. Don't take it personally though, it didn't like my siblings either, even if it did put up with them a little bit longer. Can you blame her? We're quite the thing, you and I.
I'll start with the head. Head, you've produced some beautiful hair. People are envious, I just wish I didn't have to use the straightener every day for an hour to make it look so great. Ears, are ya listening? Probably only one of you are. Right side, thank you for being there for me from the beginning. Left side, although it took us a little over a year to realize you weren't with us, we're glad you joined in for the ride, it's amazing you listen to as much as you do considering we had to create you from my cartilage. Eyes, your lashes are stunning, your pupil is amazing. Thank you for allowing all of us to see the big bright world. Please keep fighting, let's prove the doctor's wrong, I don't want to only see black. Hair, could you do me a favor? Stop being a whore, stay on my head, not all over my fucking face, it's so unlady like! Teeth, lips, and nose, keep up the good work.
Arms and Legs, we have my father to thank for the muscle pain. I am trying my best to work on us, but it's exhausting at times. You don't have to get all uptight, I know I run you ragged, but I promise to try to treat you at least once a month to a pedicure and manicure.
Now torso, we've really been through some shit. Heart, although we fixed the hole you gave me at seven months, we've been doing pretty good since. Keep up the good work, I can't promise guys and life won't try to break us up again, I will try my best to safe guard us. Stomach, I can't help it the mind enjoys pizza, soda, chocolate, and good food. Can't you just work with us? I'm sure abs really doesn't want the 150 squishes I have been giving it every day, so go easy on us! By the way, I won't discuss the doctor bills you owe my father for from our teenage years. I am just glad you don't hurt nearly as bad now. Now back, you can stand in line with arms and legs, it's my dad's fault you're all curved, but do you really have to be so painful? Breast, you hold some resent me towards me I know, but we had to cut one of you so we could all survive what the heart was doing to us. I know it took you until our 20's for you finally feel comfortable enough with us to grow, but seriously, don't stop now! Oh yeah, do me a favor, please promise me when I get pregnant and have a baby you won't fail me like ovaries just because they cut you, Ass, girl, what can I say? Girl, you've got it going on!
Ovaries, you get a space to yourself, even if you don't deserve it. I don't understand why you have to be such a bitch. Sure, in high school it was nice not to see you in gym class every month, but I am in my twenties now and I am ready to be a Mom. I've been ready since 2004 when we began trying. It's 2008 now, get your ass in gear. I did us a favor and got rid of that asshole M. So please, please get your shit together, I am looking for Mr. Right. Let's not disappoint him, okay?
Now you're doing a good job over all, let's keep it up. Surely we've got another 100 or so years, so let's play nice and not disappoint one another.
Love,
Your Keeper
Excuse Me While I Play...
Please bare with me while I play around with the colors.
I am fixing to leave to go look at cars. My car is gone. Sigh.
If you see my crying on the bathroom floor some time this weekend, just let me be.
I am fixing to leave to go look at cars. My car is gone. Sigh.
If you see my crying on the bathroom floor some time this weekend, just let me be.
Exhausted
Yesterday I went to start my car, it wouldn't work. So, I called my boss to tell her I couldn't come in because my car wouldn't start, she called me back saying she would pick me up on her way in. Wonderful. I worked all day, went to the funeral, and finally got home to call M to see if he could come check the car out.
We tried jumping it, but it wasn't the battery. I knew it wasn't the gas, because I just filled the fucking gas tank. We checked the oil. Oil. Yeah, oil. Um, there wasn't any. So we put some in, but the car still wouldn't start. So I came in, ordered chinese delivery, ate it, and crashed.
I woke up at 10:30 this morning. Lovely sleep! I called my brother a few minutes ago to see if he could come check it out for me. He said he would be here in about an hour. Please, please pray it's nothing major. I just paid off all my credit cards, so now I am broke! This car, is the back up to the one I totaled. I have no idea what I am going to do if I can't get this car working by Monday morning. I can't really think about it right now either, because I will just want to cry.
Now, I am going to go take a nice shower, so I can stop looking like the ugly school teacher on Mat!lda.
We tried jumping it, but it wasn't the battery. I knew it wasn't the gas, because I just filled the fucking gas tank. We checked the oil. Oil. Yeah, oil. Um, there wasn't any. So we put some in, but the car still wouldn't start. So I came in, ordered chinese delivery, ate it, and crashed.
I woke up at 10:30 this morning. Lovely sleep! I called my brother a few minutes ago to see if he could come check it out for me. He said he would be here in about an hour. Please, please pray it's nothing major. I just paid off all my credit cards, so now I am broke! This car, is the back up to the one I totaled. I have no idea what I am going to do if I can't get this car working by Monday morning. I can't really think about it right now either, because I will just want to cry.
Now, I am going to go take a nice shower, so I can stop looking like the ugly school teacher on Mat!lda.
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