As the winter Holidays are upon us, it's another unfriendly reminder for an infertile. It can be a fragile time. I've had vision of announcing our pregnancy at Thanksgiving and Christmas. You know, when you're at the dinner table and giving thanks, I always imagine I can say, "I'm thankful to finally be pregnant, SURPRISE!" Or better yet, during our Christmas day present exchange, making everyone open a present from us, nestled inside would be our ultrasound picture.
Our first Christmas after M and I began trying, my cousin who is six months older than me, announced her pregnancy. The next Christmas, our second while trying, we found out my teenage sister was pregnant and there was a 6 month old baby. The next year, there was a 1 year old and A was six months old. Last year, we had a 2 yr old and 1 yr old A. This year, NYEBoy and I are going to my uncles house (three hours away) and no babies will be there. Although I wish A was going to be with us, it will be nice not dealing with anyone else younger than 14.
In some ways, since the arrival of A, I have become less of a bitter infertile, but in other ways, it's still as raw as ever. Every year I hope and pray for us to be able to announce our pregnancy or to have a tiny bundle with us, but without fail, it's never happened.
I don't want to say I've given up hope, but it's becoming increasingly harder to envision the Thanksgiving or Christmas I've always wanted. But with NYEBoy by my side, I know I'll make it.