As the winter Holidays are upon us, it's another unfriendly reminder for an infertile. It can be a fragile time. I've had vision of announcing our pregnancy at Thanksgiving and Christmas. You know, when you're at the dinner table and giving thanks, I always imagine I can say, "I'm thankful to finally be pregnant, SURPRISE!" Or better yet, during our Christmas day present exchange, making everyone open a present from us, nestled inside would be our ultrasound picture.
Our first Christmas after M and I began trying, my cousin who is six months older than me, announced her pregnancy. The next Christmas, our second while trying, we found out my teenage sister was pregnant and there was a 6 month old baby. The next year, there was a 1 year old and A was six months old. Last year, we had a 2 yr old and 1 yr old A. This year, NYEBoy and I are going to my uncles house (three hours away) and no babies will be there. Although I wish A was going to be with us, it will be nice not dealing with anyone else younger than 14.
In some ways, since the arrival of A, I have become less of a bitter infertile, but in other ways, it's still as raw as ever. Every year I hope and pray for us to be able to announce our pregnancy or to have a tiny bundle with us, but without fail, it's never happened.
I don't want to say I've given up hope, but it's becoming increasingly harder to envision the Thanksgiving or Christmas I've always wanted. But with NYEBoy by my side, I know I'll make it.
9 comments:
ICLW visitor.
Hey I've had the exact same image of my parents opening up a box with an ultrasound picture for christmas. Le sigh!
:( wah. i hate kids at christmas time right now....mostly b/c everyone just wants to sit around and watch them. that is NOT fun for me.
as inappropriate as it is, i use a lot of alcohol to help me cope. ;)
(ICLW)
oh, tricky. And I know that it is easier said that done, but think about the blessing you DO have instead of the blessings you might have in the future (or could have had) - sorry - this is a very trite comment that you probably already know and have a million times from other people!!
It is tough to have so many kids in your family and yet you don't have yours... It enhances the feeling of unfairness.
Even if you dont'get to make the announcement at a holiday table, you will have your turn!
ICLW
I know exactly what you mean.
I'm with April, lots of wine typically helps me make it through Christmas.
ICLW
I know this is such a hard time. I am surrounded by kids. My husband's step brother and sister each have kids. His brother has 2 age 3 and 1 month by different women and he is 20...it makes me want to scream
It's so hard isn't it. All those dreams we have... but like April says - lots of alcohol tends to help me!
ICLW
It's definitely not the most wonderful time of the year when you're in infertility hell. Hang in there!
I've always dreamed of that fairy tale Christmas morning announcement, too. And I, too, am facing another year without it.
Wishing you peace & strength through this holiday season.
ICLW
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