So, although death wasn't one of the things I mentioned the other day, I feel like I need to blog about it. I thought if I blogged about it, it might ease my mind. Hopefully.
A few weeks ago, I thought about death for some reason and it's scared the hell out of me. I am really afraid of dying. I believe in God, but I have never attended church regularly, so that's probably part of my problem. Or maybe I need to see a shrink, who knows.
I wonder what's going to happen to me when I die, what it's going to feel like. Will it be like being in the dark, just talking to myself, forever? Am I going to Hell? Will it be hot? What is hell like? Is hell full of devils and demons to scare you for eternity? Am I going to Heaven? What is heaven like? Will everything be made of gold and candy?
Then I get into the whole thought about when am I going to die? Will I be 100? If so, I have already lived 1/4 the way through my life, I'm only 3/4 the way there. If I don't live until 100, then I've already lived more than that.
Which leads me to, what will my mark on this world be? What will I have done on this planet to deserve to go to Heaven? If I died tomorrow, I would be dying an infertile 24 year old who really hasn't done too much for the world. That scares me.
Yeah, go ahead, tell me, I already know it! I'm crazy. I've lost it.