I called fifteen eye doctors today trying to find a doctor, the conversations either went like this:
Me: Hi, I am InDueTime, I work at LargeMedicalClinic, I am trying to find an eye doctor who specializes in c0loboma.
Me: I am trying to find an eye doctor who specializes in c0loboma.
Them: Kuh, um, do what?
Me: I am trying to find an eye doctor who specializes in c0loboma. C-O L-O B-O M-A. Its a birth defect, keyhole shaped pupils.
Them: I don't know what that is.
Me: Can you ask your doctors if any of them are familer with it?
Them: They are in clinic, we can't interrupt.
Me: Duh, I work at a doctors office, can you leave a note for them, and call me back?
Me: Excuse me?
Them: You can just try to call back.
Me: Me: Hi, I am InDueTime, I work at LargeMedicalClinic, I am trying to find an eye doctor who specializes in c0loboma.
Them: How old is the patient?
Me: I'm twenty-four.
Them: Oh, we only deal with children.
Me: Oh, but I'm *only* twenty-four.
Them: We. Only. Deal. With. Children.
Me: Hmpf. Do you know any doctor who helps adults with c0loboma?
Them: No, you know you can't treat this, you're an adult.
Me: No shit, it's a birth defect. I was born, twenty-four years ago, with these eyes. However, I am finding it increasingly harder to drive during the day light. If I don't leave my house for work by 6:30, it takes an hour to get to work, I only live twenty minutes away. I'm trying to find a doctor who is familier with this, so I can get some advice and help.
Them: Well, we only see children.
Me: What do you tell those children when they become adults? Sorry, can't help you? Go away? Has noone ever lived beyond the age of 18 with this? Give me a break.
I swear I'd have better luck trying to find a doctor to remove a nipple from between my eyes then help with a fucking eye defect. Damn it. You don't want me to even get started on trying to locate my childhood records for the past twenty-four years.