Thanks to Mel, I have decided to write a letter to my body. You should do it, too.
Hey! What's up? Although I have talked with you a few times, I've never really sat down to write you a letter in the almost twenty-four years we've been hanging out. Okay, so it's 2008 and typing is about as close to "writing" as I come to since I've left school, I'm sure you'll understand.
I wanted to first say thank you. Thank you for fighting so hard to keep me alive in the hospital as a premature baby since my mother's body obviously didn't like us too much. Don't take it personally though, it didn't like my siblings either, even if it did put up with them a little bit longer. Can you blame her? We're quite the thing, you and I.
I'll start with the head. Head, you've produced some beautiful hair. People are envious, I just wish I didn't have to use the straightener every day for an hour to make it look so great. Ears, are ya listening? Probably only one of you are. Right side, thank you for being there for me from the beginning. Left side, although it took us a little over a year to realize you weren't with us, we're glad you joined in for the ride, it's amazing you listen to as much as you do considering we had to create you from my cartilage. Eyes, your lashes are stunning, your pupil is amazing. Thank you for allowing all of us to see the big bright world. Please keep fighting, let's prove the doctor's wrong, I don't want to only see black. Hair, could you do me a favor? Stop being a whore, stay on my head, not all over my fucking face, it's so unlady like! Teeth, lips, and nose, keep up the good work.
Arms and Legs, we have my father to thank for the muscle pain. I am trying my best to work on us, but it's exhausting at times. You don't have to get all uptight, I know I run you ragged, but I promise to try to treat you at least once a month to a pedicure and manicure.
Now torso, we've really been through some shit. Heart, although we fixed the hole you gave me at seven months, we've been doing pretty good since. Keep up the good work, I can't promise guys and life won't try to break us up again, I will try my best to safe guard us. Stomach, I can't help it the mind enjoys pizza, soda, chocolate, and good food. Can't you just work with us? I'm sure abs really doesn't want the 150 squishes I have been giving it every day, so go easy on us! By the way, I won't discuss the doctor bills you owe my father for from our teenage years. I am just glad you don't hurt nearly as bad now. Now back, you can stand in line with arms and legs, it's my dad's fault you're all curved, but do you really have to be so painful? Breast, you hold some resent me towards me I know, but we had to cut one of you so we could all survive what the heart was doing to us. I know it took you until our 20's for you finally feel comfortable enough with us to grow, but seriously, don't stop now! Oh yeah, do me a favor, please promise me when I get pregnant and have a baby you won't fail me like ovaries just because they cut you, Ass, girl, what can I say? Girl, you've got it going on!
Ovaries, you get a space to yourself, even if you don't deserve it. I don't understand why you have to be such a bitch. Sure, in high school it was nice not to see you in gym class every month, but I am in my twenties now and I am ready to be a Mom. I've been ready since 2004 when we began trying. It's 2008 now, get your ass in gear. I did us a favor and got rid of that asshole M. So please, please get your shit together, I am looking for Mr. Right. Let's not disappoint him, okay?
Now you're doing a good job over all, let's keep it up. Surely we've got another 100 or so years, so let's play nice and not disappoint one another.