The Old Guy, M -
M is currently dating three women, 18, 25, and 39. Yeah, I made the right decision. I know this, but it still isn't easy at times. I am not "in love" with M any more, but the above statement alone makes my blood boil. I probably only see M for a few hours a week now, however each time I see him I get even more upset. I don't want to be back with him, but everything I asked him to work on while we were together, he has worked on since the spilt. What is/was so wrong about me that he couldn't/wouldn't/didn't work on them while we were together? He's actually taking care of him self better, dressing nicer, actually planning on getting a better paying job, and even "nice" to me now. Why now, why not then?
The New Guy, NYEBoy -
NYEBoy, what can I say? He's awesome. We have actual discussions (when I am not bitching, sorry!) about real topics. He adores me and spoils me better than I deserve. He respects me. He's got ambition about the future. I don't have to remind him to take a shower. He dresses nice. He takes care of himself. He's everything I could ask for, and more.
I feel like I don't deserve NYEBoy. I am having a hard time putting my heart on the line again and letting him in. I am keeping the pieces close to me. It's hard. I want to be truly happy again, I don't want to care that M is dating so many women, I don't want to keep asking about the 'why didn't he..?" any more.
It's so fucking hard to let go of someone completely and let someone else in. I hope NYEBoy sticks around and doesn't give up on me too soon. I care a lot about him, but I am scared.
Sigh.
1 comment:
That definitely isn't easy, and I admire you for being so strong through it all. Is M still living with you? That's hard too, I bet.
You're strong, You'll get through it! NYEBoy will stick with you... he would be losing alot if he didn't... ;)
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