Wishless

Apparently, my by-inviation-only birthday party caused a few hurt feelings Friday at work. What initially started out as a 4-5 group get-together, turned into a 28-30 invited-people only par-tay! Friday morning someone came to me and told me two people had their feelings hurt they weren't invited (One girl I can't stand, as much as oldlady on her bad days, the other girl is her BFF, so I thought) I went ahead and invited the BFF and told her I just didn't like the stupid girl and didn't want to deal with her after hours. It's my party. My rules. Duh! Then, as I was leaving someone else pulled me aside saying another coworker had come to her crying saying everyone was going but her. Sigh. Fuck. I honestly just didn't think she would want to come. So, I invited her, too. And her husband.

Last night, was a blast. 22 people showed up. It was awesome. I have never had a big birthday bash, but this was pure drama-free fun. Everyone was drinking and bowling. Frugal me, even went online and printed out coupons for $2 off each admission. HaHa! I told them to use it and consider it a beer on me! Everyone honestly had a good time AND stayed the whole time! It was from 11:30-2. We all got there around 10:30 to get in line. We had 5 lanes rented out. I am so glad it went well. I didn't get home until 3 am, but I had so much fun I wasn't even really tired.

I made cupcakes (if you had them you would know why I make my own!) and another girl made cupcakes (mine were so better!) that we ate at work all day long. The night ended however with me not having blown out a single candle. This year I remain wishless. In previous year's I never got what I wish for, so this year, life shall give me it's wish. I will await, open handed. Let's see what the next 12 months has in store for little ole me.

I Just Can't Fucking Stand Him!

I need a break. I need some thing. M is getting on my very, very last fucking nerve and he just doesn't care. I am trying so hard not to cry. I really, really wish he would wake up. Soon. NOW.

I came home from my 3 hour trip to the salon top this...

Me: ~opens bedroom door~
Him: What in the hell did you do to your hair?
Me: Thanks asshole, that's just the thing a woman wants to hear when she gets a lot of hair cut off from her spouse.
Me: ~drops purse in chair and turns around and walks out, SLAMS THE FUCKING DOOR!~

He hasn't said one word to me in three hours since I have been home. Instead he spends his the hours on that fucking game system. I'm sick of it. I'm over it. I'm so fucking over it. I don't even want him coming out tomorrow night with us. I want to go out and have fun without dealing with him.

By the way, there is a conspiracy theory out there. I have managed to be healthy for the past 2 years working at the doctors office, until Jan 2007. Guess what? You guessed it, something else! I have strep. Yes, strep. WHAT THE FUCK? How'd I get strep? Damn it! More antibiotics, still itching from the skin infection which is going on week fucking four?! Come on world. Let me get better. Let me stay better!!!

Tomorrow will be a great day. He will NOT ruin my birthday. I am not going to let him. It's going to be my birthday, and I don't want to cry!

Hairy Birthday To Me, Hairy Birthday To Me!

You might have PCOS if you can grow a beard/mustache/sideburns faster than your male spouse. Yes, it's sad. I feel so fucking nasty. I hate being hairy. I hate feeling hairy. I try to get waxed as often as I can at my friends salon. It just sucks that I have to deal with this hairy mess.

Friday is my birthday. No, it's not just the last day of work for a few fellow infertile mama-to-be's. And no, it's not just another end of a week. It's muh birthday. The day I graced this world forever with my precense. Lucky ya'll!

We, meaning a group of 15-30 people are meeting up for midnight bowling. I have to be a cute birthday girl. I have to be very, very cute! So I went to my friend's house tonight and asked her if I could come by her salon and get fixed up tomorrow.

Ladies, I have a hair cut, wax, manicure, and pedicure planned for tomorrow after work.

I'll be damned if I am going to feel like a hairy fat bitch for my birthday.

I'm going to be a hairless fat bitch!

The countdown is on, baby.

Role Reversal

When I told my Dad about us meeting up with the realator he brushed it off. The next time I brought up house hunting he gave me a lecture. He says I shouldn't do it. I should go get an apartment. I don't know what I am getting myself into. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Okay, out of three children, I am the most responsible, I over anazlye e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. I can't even buy a loaf of bread without over thinking it. I know what I am getting into, I have gone, and still going, through the finance part of everything. I am not just jumping in blind.

My Mom on the other hand, who I thought would be so negative, hasn't been so much. She won't come look with us, but she's not completely telling us to NOT do it!

My dad thinks I am going to make a choice that will ruin me and take 10 years to fix.

Good greif, I'm in my 20's now, give me some fucking credit. I am the best kid they have.

These two parents of mine sure have changed roles on me. I wish they would just support me for once in my life, it's the least either of them could do.

Too Tired To Think of Title!

*I was so tired I left out the damn title!*

I am so damn exhausted I can barely type what I want to type.

We went and looked at six houses tonight. We saw a lot of things from lovely hardwood floors, nice front/back yards, to bars on a neighbors window, falling apart decks, and of course, to one of these in a bathtub. I mean, come on, what house isn't a home without those legs sticking out of the bathtub. Forget the hardwoods baby, I've got a hard on!

We didn't put a contract on any of the houses. I just didn't feel it for any of them. M really liked the 5th house we saw. My heart is still stuck on the house we put the contract on. We have plans to see at least three more houses over the next week or so. One of them I am really looking forward to, the other two I just want to check out.

Things I, I mean WE, need to look more into:

• Income Taxes - working in TN vs. living in MS
• Home Owners Insurance in MS vs. TN
• Loan rates in MS vs. TN
• Any Grants/Special first time home owners incentives for MS. vs. TN
• Gas cost for distance vs. waiting in traffic
• City/County Taxes

Sigh. As always, decisions, decisions!

I'm off to snuggle on the foam mattress and watch B0rat. Yippie!

Shout Outs:

Erin @ JWNAR, I would love to talk to you about where you live if you ever get a chance drop me an Email. For that matter, anyone who lives in the west TN/north MS area drop me a line, or two.

How do you cross/strike out a word on your blog entry? I see people do it all the time and want to do it but I don't know how!!

Home At Last!

Alright, I am so fucking glad to be at home! Home, Sweet, Home! Now that I am home and having internet withdrawls I will say, I have got to update you all on my happenings since Thursday.

Friday, Oh Friday! As I have posted, I work front desk at a doctor's office. 99.8% of my patients are pretty awesome. Friday however, I had a lady I was checking in, I informed her she had a blance and called the business office and informed the patient. She went nuts. As I was going through the reciept book I told her "Sweetie, I just want to double check the reciept book because if you DID pay it I don't want you paying it twice!". She mumbled and said "No, You're just being an asshole, you only care about money, never about sick people". Then the bitch got on the phone and said "THIS ASSHOLE IS TELLING ME I HAVE A BALANCE, DONT YOU REMEMBER ME PAYING IT". My doctor found out and was LIVID and told her she owed me an apoligy because other patients were saying I was so nice and had no clue why the lady was so mean. She never did apoligize, which I never thought she would do, she's got too much pride for that. We will discharge her as a patient though on Monday. The lady must be nuts.

Saturday going down a 2 lane road at 30mph(speed limit!), where 2 kids I know were killed a few years back, a bitch went into the other lane to pass me. As she did I kinda swirved to her to say "HEY BITCH SLOW DOWN!" and she got mad at me and started shaking her hand. I about died. What a dumbass. You passed ME! Duh!!! Fucking Idiot. Where's a cop when you need one? Oh yeah, never around!

Alright, I am going to do some cooking and cleaning then I can relax for a few hours until bed time. Hope everyone has a wonderful week, I will catch up on comments later, I did read everyonce blog though!

Will It Ever Calm Down?

Okay, last week was filled, this week is full. I have to house sit for one of my physicians Fri-Sunday so I won't be on until Sunday. Before I leave, I need to catch you all up to date on some things.

We went and looked at a house and placed a bid on it. Through a bumpy 24 hours we decided not to go through with the contract and to pull out until we know some further information about some things we were concerned about. If it is still available when we gather the information we will try again. Until then, their loss!

My sister had a pap smear back in Jan and the idiot didn't return their call. She finally called them after I told her they probably had bad news because we only call once or twice then wait for the patient to call back, if everything is fine. She called and they told her they wanted to do a biopsy because she may have cervial cancer. Sigh. Idiot doesn't have insurance coverage, dad kicked her off when she turned 19, in Feb. I don't know what they are going to do. I guess finally get state insurance. Keep her in your prayers, she may be the dumbest kid in the world but this might not be a good thing.

Tonight while backing out of the parking spot I was 1/4 out and looked back and saw the girl behind me put on her car in reverse and I laid on my horn by that time she just went on back and hit the shit out of my car. Fucking idiot teenager. No car damage, everyone is okay. LOOK BACK you moron! I told her she needed to becareful because I had laid on my horn and she didn't even try to stop. Grr.

I also apparently didn't have chicken pox but some type of skin infection. I am on antibiotics for 2 weeks straight and on a pill to help the itching. I'm fucking sick of this! My leg itchs the worst.

Alright, I am heading to pack my bag for this weekend, then it's bath time, after that - BED TIME!

No, Seriously

I am fucking exhausted! I guess the whole being off work for nearly a week thing, um, erases your body's memory of WAKING UP ON TIME! Fuck. Yesterday at work was really good but I had errands to run after work that included driving to another state and back and not getting home until nearly 11. Tonight? Not hardly different, I drove to another state and back, more errands, home by 9 only to spent the next hour cleaning the kitchen, and another hour spent reading everyones blogs and we arrive to now. Tomorrow? Yep, you guessed it, driving to another state, more errands, then hopefully home again.

I have to take a shower now, out by midnight, asleep by 1, up at 5. Yep. Yep.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat. Ha, story of my life.

What I Learned

I began this week hoping to get a lot done since my main doctor was out all week, but I was sent home Tuesday with chicken pox and told to keep in touch until they decided it was okay for me to come back to work. I called the doctor Friday afternoon and she told me as long as they looked like they were drying up to come on in Monday if I wanted to. And they are, and I do, so I am.

I learned a lot this week. I learned as much as I love my job, I miss staying at home. I miss watching the Today show, The View, Dr Phil, and Oprah. I know it's only been two years since I have been back in the work force, but man TLC has changed. Now, instead of just A Baby Story they like three shows now, A Baby Story, Bringing Home Baby, and Surviving Motherhood. It's like a train wreck, I can't help but watch these shows.

I also remember I miss cleaning the house. It's been neglected since I started working outside of the house. I'm just too tired at the end of the day. I'm lucky most days to get the basics done. I also miss opening the windows and airing out the house.

I also found out I "offically" have PCOS. Hopefully the upcoming test, SA, lab work, and HSG will lend us some good news. I really like the doctor, she was very nice. Although I do have a question, with taking the provera, it says it can cause "ab0rtions". I know I need to call the doctor, but doesn't that mean we shouldn't try for the next three months? She's hoping with taking the provera it will get my body use to ovulating regularly before we do the Clomid. I still have to call insurance this week about the HSG.

I also learned something I didn't think I would ever overcome Thursday. It's been really nice to jump that hump in life. I just want to scream, I DID IT!! :-)

So I learned a lot this week about myself. A week well learned.

Back to work tomorrow, ack!!

House Hunting

A few months ago we went and looked at apartments, we decided on ABS. When we told family about moving into an apartment they told us to check into getting a home first, financially it would be a better move. We got the name of my aunt's realator and her address. I have had the information for a bit now but Monday I finally got off in time to go. We spent nearly an hour and a half talking with her. She is a very kind woman. She is much older and very talkative. She says credit wise, job wise, I am looking pretty good compared to most young 20 somethings she sees. Nice compliment. She printed off about 10-15 listings and told us to call her if we were interested and she would get back to me after talking with the bank. She called on Wednesday but because of the chicken pox, we put things on hold.

I went and looked at one of the listings today that M and I liked. When we mapquested it, it said it was an hour away. After shopping with my aunt she said we should just go and look. I said we could just drive in that direction and look at houses, once we got half way there we just decided to hell with it and we drove the other 20-30 mins. We just wanted to check out the property (4.5 acres). When we pulled up the lady came out and we told her we were just checking out the "area" and would contact the realator to set up an appointment. She invited us in so we didn't have to wait. It has 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, large kitchen and living room, a pond and sits on 4.5 acres. I think I am in love, despite the drive. It wasn't a bad drive, and I may be able to see if there is a way to shave off 10-15 mins by going a different way. The lady had a death in the family so she can't show it again until after the funeral, so I am hoping by Thursday M and I can go out there, maybe with my mom in tow, too.

We shall see.

That's The Plan, Stan!

Lut, I had to shave my legs and "trim" the lady gal. I didn't want to scare the woman by thinking she was walking in on a naked man on her table!! :-)

So I got there 30 mins prior to my appointment time and went back within 20 mins. I got weighed and went over my history with the two cute chickie nurses. They had to be right around my age. I then stripped and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. An hour and 20 mins later, an hour and 10 mins after my appointment time, the doctor walks in. I will have to give her a name. Let me get back to you on that one. We went over my history and discussed my lab results I had brought. She told me she wanted me to get an ultrasound so I went and waited some more.

Guess what? It wasn't a belly ultrasound. It was a Magical Wand ultrasound. My first time. Aww. Okay, so after reading everyone's blogs and hearing from a few people I was mortified about what the wand might look like. I was totally expecting a telephone size object to be jammed into my nether regions. I must be weird (or a freak behind closed doors) because it was nothing. I saw the magical wand and just kinda giggled inside, HA! Piece of cake. Yeah, I must be a whore. So she showed me my pretty little uterus. She asked if I had kids I told her "No we have been trying for almost 3 years". She said she was sorry and that my uterus was small, she's use to seeing big ones (you know, the baby filled kind).

After I was done getting some action, I mean with the ultrasound she had me wait. The doctor came and talked with me more. She showed me the pictures and my ovaries are very speckled. Lots of little cyst. PCOS it is. She wants me to get on pr0vera for the first 10 days of each month starting April 1st (if I don't start before then) for three months. Doesn't this stuff make you hurt?? She wants M to get an SA. I am also to get lab work on my next CD 21. I am also to get the tube juice procedure done. Isn't it called hsg? I'm use to blog lingo, not the actual word. Duh.

So that's the plan, I've got PCOS. Let's just pray M's results are good and my tubes are clear. I am to go back in 2-3 months. Thanks for all the prayers. It's a step towards babyhood, albiet small.

The History

I grew up a product of a man and woman who got married because they were pregnant, infact, my parents wedding date is 4 days before I was born. That man and woman, my parents, divorced after three children and many years of abuse. He grew up with a dad. His mother left when he turned 2 with another guy. I grew up invisioning a perfect, happy family I would have one day. He grew up having anger towards women since his mother was never around. We have been together for quite a few years, still trying to blend our two lives together. Some days with sucess and some without.

Before M and I got together, I had one serious relationship, and only a slight handful of dates with a few other guys. M on the other hand, had one or two serious relationships, but many, many flings. I was a little more conservative than your average teenage gal, he was your typical teenage guy.

M and I were friends for awhile, we would talk despite him having a girlfriend. We would have late night conversations on the phone with the girlfriend sleeping in the next room. We never did anything sexually while he was with them. I was to good for that. I even dated a few guys during that time. He later told me he was pretty jealous when I dated them, because he wanted to be with me, but wasn't ready to "settle down", just yet. M decided to move to L@s Vegas with his cousin right after we started offically dating. He came back after a year and we have been living together since.

Although our relationship is not your average fairytale, it's apparently "the normal", because what I have invisioned, doesn't exsist "in the real world". So I'm told.

Next Thursday, I will talk about being away from each other for a year. The good, the bad, and the down right ugly.

---------
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayer, yet again around lunch time, for my appointment with the new doctor. I think I need to fill out the new patient information they mailed me a month ago and shave the lady parts (ugh, okay, and the legs too, I suppose!) before I go.

Cloud 9

Everything went great today. Whew. Only a few things that I had to overcome that stressed me out but everything is just fine now. Weeee!!!

I will be back later to post a "relationship" post.

For now though, I am on cloud 9!

It's Getting Close

I guess I should first post how I am doing. I am doing pretty good. I need to call the doctor tomorrow though to talk to her about coming back to work Monday. M went up to work today though, and a few of the girls told him to tell me they missed me! Even INPWT put the credit card machine paper in an envelope that said "We changed it! Miss you!!", it's an on going joke that I try to keep the paper in the machine until RIGHT before it runs out, and they always want me to change it as soon as it starts the red line, of course their roll had tons of paper still left on it. I miss them too.

So, my doctor appointment is on Friday and I am getty nervous/excited. I really want to see if there is anything we can do about the acne on my back. I need to start keeping track of when it gets really bad so I can see if there is a pattern. There are some weeks it nearly kills me to have my back touched by anything. Fucking hormones.

Last night I had to go to my grandma's house and my aunt (the one I work with) to do something and while I was there I was showing my grandma the bumps on my hip/lower back. My aunt asked to see my back and she lifted my shirt and after talking a bit she asked if I had PCOD. As I have posted, I try not to talk to my family about us TTC because I just don't want to discuss it with half of them. I was like a deer in headlights and studdered a second and then I couldn't really say anything so I just blurted out about the appointment on Friday being to talk to a doctor about it. I feel like I have come out of the closet, sort of. The discussion pretty much ended there though.

Well, tomorrow is an important day for me so keep me in your thoughts and prayers around lunch time. Please? Thanks! :-)

7-14 Paid Vacation Days, How'd I do it?

Okay, so maybe it's not a "vacation" per say, but very, very close!

This morning as I was getting ready for work I noticed my hip itched, so I glanced down and I saw about 7-10 bumps. I thought I had been bitten by some thing and I figured I would have the doc take a look this morning. She took a look and said it looked like shingles and to be careful and not scratch it. I went to the bathroom a bit later and when I pulled my pants down I noticed my whole left leg was starting to get covered in these bumps. When I looked in the mirror, while washing my hands, I noticed I had a bump on my neck. I hurried and went to see the doc again to see what she thought. She called another doctor and it looks like I may have a case of the chicken pox. I never got them as a kid, I don't "know" of anyone I have been around but the bumps are coming around all over, back, stomach, legs, neck, and arms. Ack!

So guess what? Just when I thought I was going to get caught up on things while my doctors are away tomorrow, I get this.

So, do you think I need to reschedule my doctor appointment Friday or just let her play connect the dots while she does my pap?

Dare I Say Today Was Relaxing?

Yeah, you read it. A Monday that wasn't stressful! It helped that my main doctor wasn't in and the other physician only saw about 32-33 patients. INPWT wasn't very talkative today, so I didn't get to hear much from her except the mumble about how she just wanted to go home and go to bed. I do however wish I could make a t-shirt that says "Please do not refer to her as "you three" or "all of ya'll" while I am within ear shot. Please & Thank you!". Since I can't though, I guess I need to toughen my ears a bit because it really sucks hearing that. Otherwise though, today was really great!

Days of The Week?

This blog started out as an infertility blog, however I don't feel like it's a blog just about infertility, but more as a journal of my life overall. Infertility wise I am not in treatments, we don't have coverage or the extra money for it, so I feel like I don't have enough to talk about infertility wise to discuss it on a day to day basis. I seem to write about the same thing over and over again, some times several days in a row. I think it would be best for me to label certain topics for certain days, that way I don't feel like I am writing about the same thing over and over again. Sunday's will be a week end wrap up. Monday's will be for venting about work since they seem to be our busiest days. Tuesday's I will discuss family issues. Wednesday's I will talk about infertility. Thursday's I will discuss relationship issues with M, good and bad. Friday and Saturday I will just leave it open for whatever else, but I will try to limit the other topics, with the exception for infertility, from being discussed on those days. I think this will help ease the emotional crap I have been feeling lately about each of those.

This past week has been a really rough week. I have felt really emotional and depressed. One of my physicain's is off this week, and I am off Thursday and Friday so, hopefully I will have a better week than last. We finally reached our goal to buy a car, so hopefully within the next two weeks we will go and purchase one. I didn't end up getting the SA done before our appointment and I am not even sure if we did it tomorrow if they would have the results back before our appointment on Friday so I may call tomorrow to find out, if not we will wait and talk with her. We got visitation* to see A twice this week. It was really nice to see and play her. She really is growing up so fast. She will be 9 months old this week, what a ride. Thursday I have an important thing to do and I am very nervous about it. I don't want to talk about it on here but I will let you all know how it goes, either way. Friday is the appointment with our new doctor. I am very excited to see her. After talking with a friend, she said she had actually seen her before, for something unrelated to infertility, but that she was very nice, and on the younger side of the group. This next week has some important dates. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers and send some good vibes my way.

On a side note, let me tell you what I am freaking out about most. I am on CD 38, Friday I will be on CD 43. The last five cycles, since the 2nd 117 day cycle, have been 41-44-49-52-43 days. If I start before then I will have to reschedule my appointment since I am trying to get my pap done then too and I really don't want to waste my days having to go back again just for that. So, what do you think my odds are?

*Since Thugboy got into it with K and my mom told him that he couldn't come over for extended periods of time, K and the baby move in with him at his mother's house. They have given us "visitation" to see A once a week. I swear I could go to court and get more time with her. Assholes.

11 Months Ago

This morning as I was eating breakfast with the kids, cookies for them and a bagel for me, I remembered it was about this time last year when we went to the local nature center and had some fun. I decided to hop online and see when their next "get-in-free-because-your-so-damn-frugal" day was. Guess what? They were having one, TODAY, NOW! I asked M if he wanted to go and he said yeah, so we got the kids dressed and told them we were going to take them some where cool. They were suprised and we all had fun. I remembered I had taken a picture last year, and I wanted to show you all what I noticed this year compared to last year. The water levels were really low and the trees haven't quite bloomed back out. But as you can see from last year, when you think you are in nature all by yourself, your actually surrounded by a busy little city. Next month is Earth Day (April 21st) and we will be packing the kidlets back up, maybe even bringing A, and going back out to take a nature walk. It's a nice way to spend a few hours with the kids but I'd rather pay to get into the zoo than this place.

Is This What The Future Holds?

Tonight I am babysitting my friends 9 yr old and 4 yr old. We just went over to her house for M to get his hair cut but the kids some how managed to hop into the trunk and came home with us. I have watched these kids since the oldest was a baby. I watched the 4 yr old the first year of his life. He's my buddy. Tonight me and the kids have been ganging up on M, then the roles get reversed and they gang up on me. Just a few snippets of our evening..

Eating @ Wendy'$
M: Hey InDueTime!
Me: *looks up* Huh?
M: *blows the straw paper at me*
Me: *slaps him on the arm* What the fuck? We are in PUBLIC!
H: *giggling*throws straw paper at me*
C: *giggling*throws whole damn straw at me*
People Around Us: *laughing*
Me: *not laughing* I came in here with two kids and I am leaving with three, UGH!

While I Type This
M: H, tell her to come to bed, it's getting late.
H: Um, DUH, She can do what she wants, ain't that right InDueTime?
Me: *smiles, nods, and keeps typing*

I really know with out a doubt, I want to be a Mom. I know this wait is killing me at times. We were sitting around the living room table all playing with playd0h and making funny things and the kids were laughing. I sat there many times thinking how much I can't wait for that to be us with our two kids. Tonight though, I am happy and having fun. I really need to work on my attitude and emotions, this week they have really been getting the best of me and people are starting to think I am a bit bitchy at times. Sigh. Fucking emotions.

When Will It Get Easier?

When will I not want to cry when I hear people tell INPWT*, "How are you three doing?". Will I ever not want to hide under the desk and cry? Will I never not want to yell "HEY FUCKWAD, I'm infertile, could you please some compassion and shut the fuck up?". When will I not want to yell at her, "HEY! Don't you remember these feelings? Did you get knocked up and suddenly the infertile emotions just got knocked out of your body?". Can't I just be happy for her? I dread 8am when I know she will walk in. I dread this summer knowing she will be big belly pregnant and then deliver her babies as the summer comes to an end. I wish I could be happy for her. What kind of "friend" am I?

*Infertile (@work), now pregnant with twins.

It's Another Wave

Every so often, there is a wave of pregnancy announcements. Obviously, in the past, I have never managed to get on that wave, muchless ride it to the end. Apparently it's back. There seem to be pregnancy announcements every where. I have high hope for a good friend and I hope she gets to ride this wave. However, something tells me, I won't catch this one either. I am so very angry with the universe. I want to ride, too. I feel so very empty inside. Over all, I am emotionally at a good place, but the last few days I just want to cry. I am tired of being infertile. I'm tired of the ups and downs. It sucks, it really fucking sucks. Isn't nearly 3 years long enough? I know there are others out there who have been fighting longer, and I wish so much I could help you too. But today, I feel sorry for myself.

Can He Just Do One Thing Without Fucking It Up?

M was taking a few hundred bucks out of the bank this morning to give to my Mom so that A can go to the doctor's because she's sick and the fucking idiots don't have insurance for her*. Nothing he could possibly fuck up right? Wrong. He calls me "Honey I took the money out of the bank but it was the wrong account, can you make sure you transfer some money into the bank tonight? We still have $XX.xx in there though". I get home and ust happen to see the receipt on the counter and decide to throw it away, but something tells me to just "check" it before throwing it away. The very bottom of the thing says: Balance: $ -XX.xx

WHAT THE FUCK??? You dumbass! You didn't see the NEGATIVE SIGN!!

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Fucking Idiot! I am so stressed over the money situation with buying the car in 3 weeks, plus the doctor's appointment coming up. I'm just stressed. Now this. I was able to get the money in the other account thanks to having both accounts linked online, but fucking hell, does he have to fuck shit up that I am already stressed out about??

It'll get better. Yep. It will.

*Don't even get me started, these dumbasses could get her state paid insurance but they won't get off their asses to get it. Now, my poor sweet baby is sick (I probably got her sick, I'm so sorry sweetheart.) and I had to give them money so she could see a doctor out of pocket. Fucking lazy worthless pieces of shit. Yes universe, they deserve getting a miracle child more than I do. You did your job. Well done. NOT.

Whinning About Work, Again

Why is it that people think it is okay to just walk into a doctor's office to get seen without calling for an appointment, especially on a Monday? It's disrespectful. It doesn't take much to pick up a phone and call our office for an appointment, as long as it's before noon and you call and really need to come in because you are sick, we will work you in some where, if not you will get an appointment the next day. If you call after noon and decide you are finally sick enough to come in, you deserve to wait until the next morning. If you are so sick you need to walk in some where, go to the minor med or the emergancy room. It's rude to the staff and other patients when you walk in. It throws everyone else off. Someone's appointment slot is bound to get pushed back and you won't have to hear it, but I do. I don't like being bitched at, do you? Also, don't ask me what's taking so long if you do decide to walk in. You do not have an appointment, we are working you in. If you keep asking me, I will move your chart back a few slots just to piss you off some more. So save us both the headache, and call us first. Thank you.

Between my two physicans, I checked in 83 patients, including the annoying walk ins.

Why is it that a certain co-worker decides she doesn't want to work Mondays and has called in 5 of the last 9? You know what, get your stupid ass to work, it puts a strain on every one else trying to fill your spot. Stupid Idiot!

Also, the co-worker who sits behind me, could you please sit at your fucking desk between 3pm and close so I can fucking balance and leave on time for a change? I have to get there at 7 am I do not like being there at 4:30 or later because you won't sit at your desk to do your job and I have to keep getting up and down from balancing. Ugh. Fucking Idiot.

Yes, I am fustrated. Some of it has to do with the rash of pregnancy announcements (no- this does not include infertiles across the blogsphere). Some of it has to do with stressing over money. Some of it has to do with M pissing me off. Some of it has to do with not being allowed to see A but once a week. Some of it has to do with my family and their damn drama.

Alright, I am going to bed. It has been a very, very long day. It better be a very long, peaceful night or I would really hate to be one of my first 10 patients tomorrow morning. I might just be a bit bitchy. My legs still hurt. Hmpf. Goodnight.

Oh My Legs *Updated*

My fucking legs. Ohhhhhhgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Lut asked if the dance pad had it's own music or if you could play your own, it has it's own. I must say I have played Xb0x360 and Pl@station2 and I prefer the music on the Pl@ystation2 more than I do on the Xbox360. There are only 2 songs I like on this version. You do have the option to purchase other songs, but currently, that list sucks even more donkey balls than what is included does. M says since it's a new game they should add better songs over the next few weeks. Each song has the dance moves based on that particular song so I can't exactly pop on head phones and get my groove thang going. You would think with it being a new game it would have some hit songs, but not so much.

Well, it's that time of week again, another one wrapping up. Two more hell-filled days then I get infertilepregnantwithtwins back. I'm not sure which sucks more. Only 2 more weeks until our doctor appointment!! Accck!!! The day before the doctor appointment, I have a more important appointment scheduled. I am very, very nervous about that day. Sigh. I wish I could go into more detail about it, but I can't. I will just let you all know how it went.

[Updated:] Okay, I am not sure what I did but last night at 12:45 and 3:35 I was awake shaking my legs hurt so bad. I ended up sitting in the bath tub for 25 minutes with the hottest water it would pour so the pain would go away enough for me to fall back to sleep. I woke up feeling like someone kicked my legs. I think I need to see the doctor today or at least not exercise. Ughhh.

Dance The Pounds Away

Since buying the D@nce D@nce Revolution game and dance pad I have made a goal to dance for one hour every day. So far, so good. It really does make me break out a sweat and around 35-40 minutes my legs really want to quit. I don't, though. I will be very interested to see if I lose any weight and how quickly.

I hate losing weight. I hate my body more though, today at least. So to help me keep on track and lose weight I have decided to reward myself. Since I am trying to lose weight I will not reward myself with a dinner out or even ice cream. After much thought I decided I will get a pedicure at every 5 pound mark. My goal is 22 pounds. I think that should still keep me healthy and within normal ranges. I will weigh every Monday morning. Hmpf.

Let's what I can do. I may even *gasp* post before and after pictures, that is if I can get to after.

For today though, I am motivated.

You Know You're Cheap When...

you go to T@rget and walk out with 14 packages of steaks, 10 bags of chips, 8 bags of milano cookies, and 3 bags of carrots for $32 and you feel like you spent $320.

Today is Friday. T.G.I.F. This week has been so hellish but on the flip side, it was nice to be able to hear about pregnancy or baby talk and be able to walk back to my desk because I knew it was a safe haven. INPWT will be back on Wednesday. Two more hellish days to deal with until she comes back, a good and a bad thing.

I wanted to send some love to a few fellow bloggers, I promise to stop by some time this weekend to let yall know personally. Please know I've been thinking about you all over the past few days as you have had appointments and things. I wish you all well and best of luck.

Exhausted

Last night's babysitting adventures went very well. Both boys were well behaved and we had a blast! Even after they got back home, me and A talked in her foyer for 45 mins. She's so nice! I look forward to seeing them again. It's also nice to know someone IRL with PCOS that can attest to the annoying hair growth, weight gain, etc. I think this is just the beginning. :-)

Well, I decided to go ahead and get the dance mat tonight on the way home from work. It's going to make me feel better and give me something to make exercising a lot more fun (or funny!).

I can't decide if I want to reschedule my doctors appointment or not. I keep going back and forth on it. Mainly because of the SA. I know I need to keep the appointment and at least see what she says but I keep going back and forth on if we can afford the extra $100 or not. Ugh. I wish I could just make up my mind!! I think it's because depending upon what she says, we can't really do anything any way so why does it have to be this month? July marks three years, I just need to go. Damn it. It's time for my pap any way so maybe I should suck it up and go.

I know, go ahead, tell me I just need to go.