Today my doctor finally called me back. I told her my concerns with having the HSG done right now and paying for the deductible when it's so close to the end of the year. She agreed and the deal is come this fall (or winter, my decision) we will go in to begin Cl0mid. After three months we aren't pregnant with Cl0mid then it's on to doing the HSG and we will go from there. She told me to call for an appointment when we are ready.
Now, on to what you really wanted to hear today.
I left work early today because I was too upset about this conversation with M. Long story short, some things came up late last night while he was at work and I was too distracted to stay at work so I left at 2 to come home. M asked why I was home so early but I told him I just was, so we decided since it was too early to go eat dinner (neither was hungery either) we would just stay home and talk. We talked for a little over an hour then laid down and napped in each others arms for 2 hours. After we woke up we went to eat at the mexican resturant I love. We continued to talk through dinner. On the way home we stopped by the outdoor mall because I didn't feel like we had come to an agreement about some things so I wasn't ready to go back home yet.
We finally came to an agreement on the drive home. We are taking a month to seperate and think about things. Mainly me, not him. On Labor day weekend we will go away for a few days and discuss if we are going to get back together then or if we are going to continue to stay apart for another month. Hopefully by the two month mark, I will have made up my mind and things will continue to get better. If not, we will just see what we want to do from there.
I think this will do me some good and hopefully my heart and mind can decide what they want. I love M with all my heart, I know we are meant to be together, but I am at a rough spot right now. So I am going to live a little and see what's in store.