I have the world's greatest Grandma. I love her more than anything in the world, including my own mother. She has been my rock, my only sure thing. I make her proud, despite my faults. I am the favorite, always have been, always will be. She makes up for all the fucked up shit that happens to me. So what if the world sucks? I've got my Grandma.
I haven't talked much about what is going on but last week she got a spinal block and the steriods went into her blood stream and she's been really, really sick. She is seeing things that aren't there, stuck in bed, in pain, and just exhausted. This woman is not "the in bed" type of granny, it's not her.
My Mom asked me tonight if I was mentally prepared to deal with losing my Grandma if something happened to her soon, or later. I told her no. I'm not. I am telling you right now I am not going to think about it, I can't. Life without my grandma? We aren't going there. I will tell you though, it will be the more dark and deep than any other time of my life and I hope like hell I come out the other end. It will be stronger than any battle with infertility, any battle with my mom or dad, any battle with my sister, any battle with anything I have ever dealt with. Nothing will compare.
So at this time, instead of bitching about co-workers, expressing my strong hate/love for my spouse, I ask for one thing. Prayers. Please pray my Grandma makes it through this rough patch. I wasn't going to acknowledge how serious it was until my Mom brought it up tonight, but it is what it is. Please.