Just When You Think You're Doing Okay...

Life throws you a big fucking slap in the face!

Student @ Work: Hey, I need to see Dr... today.
Me: Okay, what time are you wanting early or late afternoon?
Student: Doesn't matter.
Me: What's wrong with you?
Student: Apparently you just have to wash your hands around here.
Me: Oh, you're pregnant too?
Student: Yeah and I don't even want a baby!
Me: Okay, she will see you at 12:45
Student: Thanks, I don't feel well.

Okay, so ladies and gentlemen (if there are any) this brings the grand total to 7 pregnant people at work. Seven. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7! Seven pregnancies, Eight babies. ..and counting-- AT WORK!

I called my Mom and she ask me if I had talked to my Grandma, I asked her why. She says it's something about my cousin. I asked if she was pregnant again (Grandma and I were talking Sunday about this) and she said "I can't say, just call your grandma". So I called her and I said "Grandma, is M pregnant? She is isn't she. I knew it! Ugh!". Grandma said that she wasn't pregnant that she's just having a bunch of infections and is in the hospital and she will have to have surgery soon with her gallbladder. What the fuck. I was so mad at my Mom I was in near tears calling my Grandma-- FOR GALLBLADDER SURGERY!? At least she's not pregnant again.

We went to dinner tonight. When we arrived the guy said he had the perfect quiet spot for us. Within 15 minutes of sitting down there was a family of 9 (5 kids) and another family (1 kid) of 3 within arms length of the table. Yeah, quiet? Ha! Every time I turned my head I got to see the little baby. What I wouldn't give to bring my baby to dinner with me. Instead I get to watch a 15 or 16 yr old with her little one. Lovely. Food was good, service sucked. Just another reason I hate to go out to dinner and pay full price, at least I didn't have to cook or clean though.

So yeah, tonight I am feeling a bit sad for myself. We are inching close to our third year of trying. This is getting annoying. Even if we had the money today for adoption we would have to wait another 2-3 years for the whole marriage and age thing (I think?) just to BEGIN that process. I look at 2007 and see myself full of pregnant bellies and new babies. Can I survive without being too fucking depressed and pissed off at the world? I know it's okay to cry, but I really don't want to spend my shower crying (so M doesn't hear me and get mad at me for being upset about infertility when we are supose to be in a good mood for Valentine's Day) but tonight I am hurting.

I also miss A. They keep taking her back to thugboys house when they know I get off for work. Assholes.