It's Not Christmas Lights...

~Please note, below are a few pictures of baby~











I said I would post pictures of my Christmas lights but I haven't taken them. Earlier tonight I tried to get some pics of A so that I could have them ordered asap. I took about forty pictures and got four, maybe five, really good pictures. Here are three of them. How can you not want to help her in this world even if her parents suck?








Dear Lord please help grant us our miracle in the coming year. Amen.


Sigh.

Hope I Read It Wrong

I have yet to update my blog list or checked through the blogs since I got home but I have checked in on the few that are on the list from when I started. I checked in with a friend L this morning to read something I didn't want to read. I have known L since 04 when we began chatting on a message board together, neither of us have been able to achieve that goal we so much desire. Unlike the other girls, this is the longest a woman has gone on the board without getting pregnant and we both began at the same time. Even though she has gone through a lot more medically than I have, I still feel her pain.

I hope she doesn't allow her blog to become a shell. Infertility is full of emotions, real raw emotions, the good, the bad, the ugly. I hate how infertility takes over our lives. Some days are bareable, some days you don't even want to get out of bed. It's easy to say "if you knew then, what you know now" if you're already at the finish line. Fighting down this path you can't see the light. You can't see into the future. You don't know "yes I will be a Mom in two more years". You know you will get through it, but you don't know what you will be like on the other side. It's hard to tell. Most make it out Moms, others not. It's hard when you have fought with so much to still not obtain that end result.

I really hope she doesn't close up shop. We need real infertility bloggers in all stages to help each other get through this. Each of us gives the other hope in one form or fashion. I hope to be on the other side one day. I hope the rest of us make it to the other side as unharmed as possible.

L, if you are reading this, I love you. I wish you nothing but the best but please sweetie, don't go any where, don't hinder your words. Speak what you feel. If other's can't deal with it, tough shit. If you can't handle reading some blogs some days-weeks-months, don't read them. They have been here before, they should remember what it feels like.

I am off to bed now, back to work tomorrow. I will share pics of the Christmas lights I put up today.

We're Home!

Well after being gone for a week we are finally back home! Although I adore M's family and friends, I'm a city girl!

We left Friday morning and after picking up the rental, running by my work, going back home three times for things we forgot, we finally were on the road by 10. We pulled into the "city" before his town around 5 something to shop at W@lm@rt before driving the hour to his town. We did a lot of visiting with friends and family this past week. We were even lucky to go out one night with two of his friends and their wives to a sports bar. We ended up bowling two games. That was really fun and I enjoyed it, although my nails hindered my ability to really kick ass.

I have been trying really hard to let infertility take a back seat in my life emotionally lately, however over the past week it hit home pretty hard while we were visiting everyone had kids. Even teenagers. Sigh. We got the "you're so lucy", "when will you have kids?" speechs several times. Every time we visit, as we leave, I secretly think "..next time we come down...we will be pregnant..or have a kidlet". So far, nadda.

Thanksgiving went off without a hitch. I even made real country dressing from scratch. I was SO nervous it would be bad but it turned out WONDERFUL! We had turkey, dressing, sweet potato casserole, green been casserole, hashbrown casserole, mashed potatos, gravy, cornbread, dinner rolls, cresent rolls, pecan pie, apple pie, and pumpkin pie. Oh yeah, only five of us, yeah, lots of food!

M and I did have a falling out about something he had "hidden", I'm sorry, failed to mention to me that I found out about "accidently". It's nothing like an affair but it really hurt me that he didn't tell me. I am sure I will be over it soon though. We had a long talk and he knows he fucked up, he's trying to make it better.

I am so glad we are home. It was fun seeing everyone but I am totally glad I am home!

This year I would have to say I am thankful for M despite all our troubles lately, finally getting the job position that I enjoy waking up for, my family, finding the website that's helped me save tons of money on my groceries, having food to eat, a roof over my head, money in the bank, and in general--good health. I hope next year brings me more fufuilment in life.

I hope I can catch up on blogs but tomorrow I have to put up all my Christmas stuff and I have to go shopping some more!!!

Gobble Gobble, We're Off To Travel!

Yesterday I had a scare with my blood sugar dropping, when I get back I will post some more on that. I am telling you my body is messed up damn it and I am really wondering if it's all pcos related. I really need to get back to the doctor again soon. Sigh.

Things with my coworkers have settled down, thankfully. I have had a few things come up with patients which I would love some feedback on, also coming up when I get back!

Well we leave first thing Friday morning to go to Oklahoma. I won't have internet access at all unforchantly so no blogging until I get back. Wahhh. This will be the longest I have been out there for one visit so I am very nervous about being out there this long (I am a city girl, this place is 45 mins away from a W@LM@RT!)

I hope you all have a safe and happy holiday this next week.

Also as a side note, I would like to send my love to my cousin, four years ago this coming week she was found after being missing for over three months. I miss you sweetie.

Happy Thanksgiving All!

See you back on the 24th...

Hair Cut

Well I got my hair cut tonigght and I will get my brows waxed tomorrow after work...

Come on Fridayyyyyyyyy!!!

Another Week Down, Four Days To Go

Well this past week was a bit rough. Things were very nerve-wracking with our bills and the upcoming trip. Things seem to be settling down for the most part.

Work was a mess Friday I ended up going in after planning on being off. I had a meeting with my boss and the oldbitchylady for about an hour and half. I hope things will get better. I just wanted to crawl into bed when I got off Friday.

We leave Friday for vacation... I'm going to miss A! I will have to post some more pictures soon, she weighs 18lbs now, at 4.5mths. Sigh. Stupid parents.

Getting Along Better

Well things are still going really good for the most part, back on the up-swing of things. He is finally making a better effort at showing affection, finally.

On the flip side getting ready for this trip is stressing me out BIG time. I am so worried about the finances. Sigh. Of course he doesn't get it. Thinks we can just buy a bunch of shit and pay the rental fee and the damn credit card off when we get back. Yeah. Right. Over a grand. I might puke thinking about it. Thankfully when we get back though, things should be changing in the money department. Fingers crossed!

Well it's off too work tomorrow for my last day this week. Four-day weeks, gotta love em!

Ready To Go

By the end of the week I find myself exhausted. During the week I usually can't get myself to go to sleep but for 3-5 hours tops. Then come Friday/Saturday I sleep for 12 hours and by Sunday night I can't make myself go to sleep. It's nearly 11pm and I know I have to be up at 5am but there is so much going on in my head it won't stop going over and over everything I have to do. I guess it's preparing myself to the week ahead.

Speaking of the week ahead, I only work four days this week. I am off Friday to take care of some things M and I have been fighting majorly about. It should hopefully cut the stress. Pray for me! Next week I also only work four days. On the 17th we are leaving for 7 days in B.F.E. aka, Oklahoma. I still have to buy M's dad, uncle, and grandma something for Christmas because this is when we do their Christmas. I will have nearly 10-11 days off from work. My goodness!

Well, here's to a new week. Maybe I will finally find time to update my blog roll. I say that every week though, huh?

One Heck of A Week

Well I am happy to say this week has finally come to an end.

This past week has been full of stress after stress after stress. It started off with M and I fighting constantly. Me crying, him telling me to stop crying, over and over again.

My new cycle started after nearly 50 days.

Then my Grandma who is 69 and working full time 40hrs a week to support herself and two aunts who are grown and won't take responsibility for their actions, was suspended without pay pending an investigation by big named company who sells appliances. They said she was doing things she wasn't doing. On Halloween of all days, she dressed up as a witch, green painted face, hat, etc., they called her into the big man's office and said they were sending her home pending the investigation without pay. They got her things and walked her to the door, old bitty that she is, asked if they wanted to walk her to her car too. (God I love that woman!) She hasn't had any more than 4 hours of sleep since. It was killing me inside. We were getting ready to take legal action. She had just come back from 11 days being out with FMLA for a stomach/bowel issue flare up. We think they just didn't want elderly working and as people get old they get sick. She's been with this company 11 years. Once they walk you out, you never return. It's nearing Christmas time, scary. Well, they called this morning, told her they would see her Monday at her normal time. She didn't do anything wrong but they did want to talk to her about a few things when she got back. I am so happy to say she stil has her job!!! (Even though, IMO, she shouldn't be working!!! Her kids are fucking irresponsible and should be ashamed! another story-another day)

So things are getting back to "normal", less fighting, less stress.

I need a good nights sleep and so help me if I don't get my hands on a COLD soda soon I might, might, explode. Must. Get. Soda.

Things Are Getting Better

Things are getting better at home and worse at work.

I have never come so close in my life to wanting to slap someone in their 60's in my life, but so help me God if this lady doesn't back off I won't be able to get through her next smart ass comment.

I guess it's off to TheBigGuy again.

Off to bed, so you tomorrow, with updates, hopefully!

Things Get Worse Before They Get Better

Despite the many hours crying over the past week M still mad a fuss which turned into another arguement about the same thing we have been talking about for the past week on Monday evening. I thought I couldn't cry any more. I guess I was wrong. I cried for an hour straight and even trying to fall asleep, my eyes were just dripping with tears. It sucked. I just wanted one night of him not bringing things up before we had the chance to fix them. I finally got that night last night.

I was going to post pictures of our pumpkins we carved Sunday but I haven't had the chance so maybe when I get off this afternoon I will come back and post them.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Hump Day. I am going shopping after work for a little retail therapy. Yey!!