First Day & One Hundred Days

Today was the first day at my new position. Although getting up at 6 am sucked ass, I love it! I love having my own desk. I am able to do check in and medical records for now. Although the lady who was doing it, well, she bitched non-stop all day long. Shut Up. Shut Up. Shut The Fuck Up. She even came in at 7:30 even though her start time isn't until 8:30 just to check to see what I was doing. Ugh. I finally have my own desk!!!

Today also marks cycle day 100. I will call the doctor at the end of the month if need be. Hmpf.

Happy Birthday, Honey!

Today is M's birthday. He is now in his mid twenties with his old ass. *LoL* I got gave him his big present a few months ago. But I also got him a new poker set that came with it's own little cabinet thing. He's been asking for it for a few months but I kept saying it was a waste of money. I went back and got it when I saw it was on clearance two weeks ago. We went to Logans Roadhouse for dinner Sunday since I knew I had to work today. He never grew up celebrating birthdays much, but I did. So he likes any thing I get him.

Tomorrow I start my new job position! I cleaned the lady's desk off today to make it MINE! She will probably be pissed tomorrow. Oh well.

Today is also CD 99.

It's off to straighten my hair then bed since I have to but up at the crack ass of dawn in the morning. Nighters.

New Job Position

Friday mid-morning my boss gave me the word. It's offical. All in stone. I start my new position on Wednesday (why not Tuesday? I still can't figure it out lol). August 1st (last year) I began working as a Medical Records clerk. After a few weeks I was tired of the racist attitude of the lady who runs it and asked my boss if something came open to let me know. Within two weeks I was offically a "Clerical Floater" how professional does that seem? After doing front desk for a month while someone was out for surgery I fell in love. I, yet again, went to my boss and asked him to let me know if a front desk job came open because I felt at ease with that job. A position came open for Check Out and they did some rethinking and decided to put M at check out. I am so excited to announce I have a front desk job!!! It's taken 10 months but now I have my own desk!!! My hours are changing too though, 7:15-2/4 depends what time my last patient is and when I balance for the day. I'm dreading the earlier hours but maybe it will all work out.

Today is CD 98. Only two more days for the big 100!

All In A Days Work...

As I have said before, my mom hasn't told family that my sister is pregnant and didn't even send out graduation invites. One of my aunts called last night saying she had taken off and was checking on the time. We lied to her and told her it was next weekend. After talking for thirty minutes we decided to call her back and tell her to be at the house around noon and we would go from there. She arrived around the noon and we pretty much told her we didn't invite the rest of the family because Mom didn't want to tell them K was pregnant. She was shocked but not shocked. We all saw this coming as noone had ever stopped it from happening.

K came home around 1 and we all got ready to leave to go to the graduation. It was K, My Mom, Grandma, Aunt, Her Mom (long story, maybe another day), Another Aunt, My Neighbor/Friend, and myself. The ceremony wasn't too bad, despite the random ghetto family screaming their childs name even though everyone was listening to speeches. There was one student who will attend Harvard in the fall, I got visions of Gilmore Girls roaming through my head. All the students received their dimplomas and threw there hats and Voila! It was over. Coming outside to find everyone was a nightmare but we eventually caught up with everyone. The hardest part of the day was seeing C, the prick, I can't believe she had the fucking nerve to bring him near us. She even had him shake hands with one of the aunts who hasn't met him face to face. "Hi, My name is C" (oh by the way I helped your daughter steal a gun and thousands of dollars worth of jewlery from her aunt and grandma, AND I am the baby's father! Nice to meet you too, fuck face. It took every piece of my being not to walk over and start hitting him. I fucking hate him. I really, really fucking hate him. She ended up leaving with his family because you know, we haven't supported her for the past 18 years. Afterwards everyone else went to eat dinner before we came home.

She also brought me back my straightener, said she didn't know HOW it got in her bag. Bull Fucking Shit. She won't be borrowing it again, I can tell you that damn much.

I also bought myself two pairs of payless-brand crocs today. One is blue/pink/yellow/white marble and the other is plain navy. I wish they had white though.

Today also marks CD96! Yippie Skippie!

Ugly & Fat

Whatever my body is going through, PCOS, or otherwise, I feel ugly. I have always had low self esteem. Maybe it comes from growing up and being talked bad to every day of your life and being abused and feeling like you can't quite get any lower. Who knows. Whatever it is I feel ugly. The excess hair, the fat, all of it. I got my haircut tonight thinking it would help me feel a tad bit better, but now I can't find my straightener and I know! my sister has taken it. I am in tears. Damn it. Fuck it. Damn it. Ugh Ugh Ugh!

CD 9whogivesafuckanymore4

Do I have to go?

Do I have to go to my sisters graduation if I know the baby's father will be there? Do I have to go since they split up my family and I *hate* this guy? Yes, I hate, not dislike this thug. Apparently I am the only one that thinks I don't have to go. Everyone else is saying I have to. I really really really don't fucking want to see this guy. I hate him with all my might and really hate she is choicing him over us.

Someone tell me I don't have to go. Please?

What's Worse Than Your Teenager Sister Being Prengnat?

Your mom coming home with a box of maternity clothes from a friend asking her to go through it with her to help her find a comfortable outfit for her to wear.
*Sigh*
Three-ish more weeks then I get the joys of dealing with labor, delivery, and a newborn. What in the fuck am I going to do?

Today is CD 92. Hmpf.

'Justice' My Ass

Yesterday marked the four year mark of a wreck that took two young boys from our life. On March 21st, 2002 while walking home from school a group of three boys were walking along the grass when a car came from behind and hit and killed two of them. Malcom (an only child) died instantly, Edgar (his Mom moved to America to give him a better life, his father was killed in Africa the year before) died a few days later, and Jake survived. The bitch that killed them only got 22 years and is up for parole next year. She had her license taken away at least three times for drinking and driving. Whatever dumbass judge gave her the license back should rot in hell with her.

Dear Sweet Boys, You will forever be loved, missed, and never be forgotten.

Today a judge found Fred Williams not guilty for killing two firefighters, a sheriff, and his wife. He called his wife at work and told her to bring their son home. Thank God she didn't. She saved her sons life. I really think that the judge was wrong. All fucking murders are insane. What SANE person would kill someone? Think about it. You know, you will never get justice in cases like these but both the sentances are a fucking joke.

Both of these happened in my neighborhood to people I knew and cared about. So close to home it hurts. My only hope is that these people get what they deserve when they die.

Acne & A Change In Plans..

For the past two weeks I have been breaking out really bad. I have no clue what it is. My only guess is I need to work on my diet better and maybe my hormones are acting up. It's really bothering me what ever is causing it. I look like a 16yr old or something.

We were planning to go to to M's Dad's house for Memorial weekend. We were going to leave Thursday and come back hom Monday but we aren't. It takes 8-9hrs to get there. There being no where. Now I am not sure what we will do. Probably just get ready for the garage sale we have been planning for a few weeks. M's birthday is the following Tuesday.

Today marks CD 90. Only 27 days to go until I hit my 13th cycle's record.

Playing With My Blog...

Yep, I am playing with my blog. it's 11:47. I guess I am going to bed though because my website is down for an update. I will play more tomorrow.

Today is CD 89. Sigh

Bored

I stole this from her, who stole it from her.

20 years ago I . . .
1. was a toddler.
2. was the only daughter.
3. was my brother's best friend.

10 years ago I . . .
1. was in middle school.
2. had two best friends A & J.
3. celebrated one year of living in the new house.

5 years ago I . . .
1. began my career as a Nanny.
2. began dating M.
3. remembered what I was doing on 9/11.

3 years ago I . . .
1. was still a Nanny.
2. was dealing with infidelity.
3. watched my friend leave to join the Air Force.

1 year ago I . . .
1. hit the 1 year mark of trying to conceive.
2. began this blog.
3. switched jobs from Nanny to working at a DR's office.

So far this year I . . .
1. attended my second show with my cakes.
2. turned another year older.
3. started the process to find out why we haven't been pregnant.

Yesterday I . . .
1. took three kids to the park.
2. made a missing poster for my stolen soup.
3. had a Star Bucks smoothie.

Today I . . .
1. watched the series fanale of That 70's Show.
2. was overwhelmed at work and almost cried.
3. rode my bike and listened to my ipod.

Tomorrow I will . . .
1. catch up on my work at work.
2. try to stick to my diet.
3. finish sewing a scrub top I was working on last weekend.

In the next year I will . . .
1. be a Mom, or at least closer by starting the adoption process.
2. move.
3. save more money.

In the next minute I will . . .
1. continue to watch The OC.
2. go to the ladies room.
3. publish this post to the blog.

Have You Seen Me?

Missing




Name: Progresso Chicken & Homestyle Noodles Soup
Age: Unknown
Height: 4 in.
Weight: 19oz

Last Seen 05/12/06, Please Bring Back To Home!

Today I went to lunch, opened the cabinet and my beloved Chicken Soup was taken from it's safe cozy spot between my bowl and the sugar. I tried not to get upset, but after realizing some cheap mother fucker stole my soup, I had to take action. It's not the money factor but the point of it all. If it's not yours, DON'T FUCKING TAKE IT!. So I made a missing poster (it looked like the above exactly!) and stuck it on the bulliten board next to our lunch table. Yes, I really did. Oh, Yes, I was, like you, laughing about the poster. I was almost in tears. Everyone thinks it's the funniest thing in the world, but I really do want my soup back!

Today is CD 86. Oh period where art thou.

A Screw Up

Today I woke up feeling pretty good. Boy that was shot less than three minutes walking into the door at work, and continued to get better from there. Not.

Friday afternoon and all day Monday I filled in for one of the front desk ladies, M. She is old, nice when she wants to be, but other wise a lonely old bitch. She pisses people off just for the sheer joy of it. First thing this morning she tells me "You screwed up! You didn't balance before you left". No, actually, I did. I even had someone else run the totals to make sure we both got the same amount, and we did! What happened is I was running a credit card and instead of hitting 9 I hit 3 (Whatever dumbass decided that the calculator and phone would have the numbers flipped around really, thanks so much, bright idea!) Once she figured that out she comes at me saying "You screwed up again! You didn't make a copy of the reciept and put it in my book!" So I fixed that. Then she goes to the boss and says I put the orginal in the book. Ugh!!! I made a copy and CUT it! Then someone comes in for medical records and she tells me "You Screwed Up For A Third Time This Guy Need His Records!!!" I was really glad to get off work at 3:30. Or so I thought.

I came home and uploaded iTunes to our computer, yet again! (I had to reboot from factory settings) and I accidently deleted all of our songs off the iPod. About 500 songs. Matt went nuts basically saying I couldn't do shit but screw things up. It's the only thing I can do right, Screw Things Up!

I went on a bike ride and was holding back the tears. I am so fucking sick of people calling me a screw up. Damn it can't people just back the fuck off and realize accidents happen? Of course not. They are perfect, my bad.

Oh the other thing I screw up? Well I can't even fucking get pregnant thanks to my screwed up body! Today is day 85.

Screwed Up. Fucked Up. Yadda Yadda. That's Me.

Unhappy Mother's Day

I told myself going into this weekend I was not going to have a sorry-for-me Mother's Day. It's not to say I don't deserve to feel the way I do about infertility but I just didn't want to have another bad day.

I went to lunch with my Mom and Grandma. It was nice. I then came home and Mom and I went to the store and shopped. I came home and went bike riding, oh how that soothes my soul. After I was done with that I visited my two friends. Mothering was all around me. Sniff.

I was blog surfing earlier today and my heart is breaking. The blog world is a little dimmer this weekend. May she rest in peace. My heart aches. God bless her family/friends during this time.

On the not-so-baby front, today is CD 83. Damn it!

Tomorrow I have to be the first person to be at work. Lovely. I really, really hating being in places alone, in the dark. Yikes!

Infertility Blues

Well today I had a downer moment this afternoon. I just wanted to burst into tears and cry. This infertility crap really seriously sucks. Maybe it's being on day 81, or that it's yet another Mother's Day and I am still NOT a Mother maybe it's because there are only 5 more weeks until my sister gives birth, maybe it's because we are 6 weeks away from being two years into this shit. Maybe it's some of it, maybe it's none of it, Maybe it's all of it! I just wish my body would fix itself and let me have my baby dream.

My best friend at work is leaving in two weeks. I am so happy she was offered a job and will get more pay, she deserves it! But I will deeply, deeply miss her. I am hoping we will get to meet up and have a girls night out once a month or so.

I hope tomorrow I am in a brighter mood.

Blogger Block?

Why is it I can think of a million things to write about but as soon as I type in blogspot.com, WOOSH! My thoughts are gone? How annoying!

On my diet front, I rode my bike for 30 minutes today the wind was really not helping me much. I cheated and had a 4 cheesecake bites at lunch. Oh my how I shouldn't have! Oh well.

On TTC front.. Well still no AF. I am begining to think it will wait until June 6th to start, why you ask? Well the 117 day cycle ended on Friday the 13th. And June 6th.. well.. 06.06.06..Wouldn't it be spooky if I was right?

I still don't know much about what our next step is. I guess an ultrasound on cycle day 3, if I could just get to day 1!! We also need to do a HSG and an SA. My good friend Sandra is mailing me a book on PCOS. I am hoping to read up on it. I am still not quite sure if it's what I have.

Well I am off to bed.. maybe tomorrow I will have a decent post?

Another Week Has Arrived...

Anothing week has arrived. Oh how fast the weekend flies!

Not much to talk about, still no news on the TTC front.

CD 78 (and counting)

Behind Me...

Today was a pretty good day today. Everything went realtively smoothly except the jackass who called at 4:03 and decided to yell at me about his prescriptions. Whatever fucker. I left my boss handle that one. :-)

I am glad this week is behind me!


On the not-so-baby front...

Cycle day 75! No signs.. I love my body...NOT!

Happy Cinco De Mayo!

6 am WAKE UP call!!!

Arg My boss called me at six am to see if I can come in.

How can you say "No!" to your boss?

You can't. You yawn and say "Yes sir, I will be there in 20 minutes."

Fuckity Fuckity Fuck! If that bitch knew she was even *thinking* of being out she could have warned me!! I was up for an hour from the damn storm being so bad.

Oh, and to boot..

He wants me coming in at 10:30 tomorrow so I don't have any over time. Gee, Thanks!

6:30a-5:00p = one long ass day.

Working Out is Working Out!

Well I have been working out for a few weeks now. I am starting to feel better finally. Although during the day I am still a tad bit tired until around 12-1. I am sure that is probably from staying up so late at night. I need to get that part of me worked out! I am going to try to weigh in every Friday. I still can't quite kick all the sodas. I am doing Diet Rite sodas though. No Calories No Carbs No Caffiene No Sodium. I guess it's not TOTALLY bad! I am down to about three a day. I need to up my water intake though. I know I can do it!

We took a very long, hard bike ride today through the bike trails in the neighborhood next to ours. I think I will be sore as heck tomorrow!

On TTC Front:
No news. No Sore Breast. No AF. No Nothing. Hmpf!

CD 73

Dentist & Geese

Today I had a dental appointment. I ended up getting six fillings. Ouch! Now I only have to come back to finish up the two root canals from Dec/Feb and then I get a cleaning and I will be ready to go! Yey!!

When I got home I took C and H to the park. It was fun. I saw the funniest thing today! This kid, probably no more than three, started chasing this goose. I was laughing my ass off. He ran around for a good ten minutes chasing it!! Poor H and C thought I had lost my mind. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!

This Is How Long...

1.83333333 years
22 months
95.6586711 weeks
669.610698 days
16 070.6567 hours
964 239.405 minutes
57 854 364.3 seconds

...and counting since we began this journey.

Fifteen cycles, currently on day 71.