I have yet to update my blog list or checked through the blogs since I got home but I have checked in on the few that are on the list from when I started. I checked in with a friend L this morning to read something I didn't want to read. I have known L since 04 when we began chatting on a message board together, neither of us have been able to achieve that goal we so much desire. Unlike the other girls, this is the longest a woman has gone on the board without getting pregnant and we both began at the same time. Even though she has gone through a lot more medically than I have, I still feel her pain.
I hope she doesn't allow her blog to become a shell. Infertility is full of emotions, real raw emotions, the good, the bad, the ugly. I hate how infertility takes over our lives. Some days are bareable, some days you don't even want to get out of bed. It's easy to say "if you knew then, what you know now" if you're already at the finish line. Fighting down this path you can't see the light. You can't see into the future. You don't know "yes I will be a Mom in two more years". You know you will get through it, but you don't know what you will be like on the other side. It's hard to tell. Most make it out Moms, others not. It's hard when you have fought with so much to still not obtain that end result.
I really hope she doesn't close up shop. We need real infertility bloggers in all stages to help each other get through this. Each of us gives the other hope in one form or fashion. I hope to be on the other side one day. I hope the rest of us make it to the other side as unharmed as possible.
L, if you are reading this, I love you. I wish you nothing but the best but please sweetie, don't go any where, don't hinder your words. Speak what you feel. If other's can't deal with it, tough shit. If you can't handle reading some blogs some days-weeks-months, don't read them. They have been here before, they should remember what it feels like.
I am off to bed now, back to work tomorrow. I will share pics of the Christmas lights I put up today.