Well I highly, highly, doubt we will get pregnant this cycle. Why do you ask? Not because Im on CD 29 and having a normal cycle. Not because I tested. Not because it's too early to tell. But because we haven't had sex in three weeks. THREE WEEKS. He has been totally uninterested. Gee, I feel so damn sexy when my own spouse doesn't want to have sex with me.
I hate this. I fucking hate this. He's been a total jerk towards me lately. He's got nothing good to say to me. We've been having verbal fights almost every single day. Im so tired of it. Of course I'm always in the wrong, and he's always in the right.
This is not all infertility related, some of it is the whole house situation, which I totally understand, but fuck, I'm only human, back the off of me for a bit.
Is it bad when you're getting so use to this that you don't/won't/can't cry from the pain any more? I've tried not to come to this point, but I feel myself getting there. You know how they say "Never go to sleep mad"? I've tried my damnest to never go to sleep/leave each other mad. But slowly I'm allowing myself to do these things. I've got to get back to that point, I've got to get him back to this point.
And you know what, I attribute a lot of this to his mother. I don't know that he would have had all of this stress towards women that he does had she stayed around. I have vowed to be the one to "change him" in his ways of thinking "women suck". I know he doesn't think that. But he has issues along this line, not women persay but women loving him, him loving them, then something happening. I don't know. Gosh, I just don't know.
RE: Infertility and us, I haven't been pushing the issue for months, I don't ride his ass about not having sex during xyz days and such. I just say "Hey babe, if your interested and have a little free time, I'd like to boink a few times between the 5th and 15th, but no rush ya know, nut'n impertant, just when you get a chance. M'kay?". We both kinda do our thing almost every month at least a few times (kind hard since ovulation seems to be off).
Sigh. This is the rawness of a relationship.
C!nderella never said anything about this shit.
3 comments:
I am so sorry. You deserve to be treated better than that. I hope that things get better soon. Big hug.
Oh, is het a civil engineer? Civil engineers are ALWAYS RIGHT. If he's not one, he can't be right all the time. Tough luck for him. ;-)
I hope things improve for the both of you.
That's no fun.. Been there, and just waiting really doesn't do anyone any good. On our way in for fertility treatment it turned out we'd suddenly (if you can call it "suddenly" after all that trying..) managed it on our own - our firstborn is almost 9 now. The next one wouldn't come though, but suddenly, with a teensy-weensy help, our next child were quads..
I hope you'll get lucky too!
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