Okay, I am getting very, very fucking sick of people carding me. Every chance I get, someone uses the "Your so young, plenty of time" and "But, your not married yet" card. Fuck those cards. I am sick of it.
So, because I am in my early 20's, I can't be infertile. Because we aren't married, I can't be infertile. Because we have so much time, I can't be infertile. Because we have been trying for over two years to get pregnant, I can't be infertile. When do I get to be infertile? After we are married? When I am in my 30's or 40's? After we have been trying 10 years? By the time I am in my 30's, I will be married, and trying 10 years.
I do not need to relax. We will get married. I do have more time vs. someone in their 30's or later, however that's doesn't excuse the pain or make it any less painful.
At work the other day my Aunt said something out of line to my coworker that was infertile, and another co worker said something like "yeah, L too". My aunt in return said "Well she's not married, it doesn't matter!". Okay. There is a reason I'm not married. I have a visions of my entire family being at my wedding. I want everyone there. I want SOMETHING to be fucking normal in my life. After my sister pulled her stunt, I couldn't just get married the following year. We do have a date set, for next year, hopefully nothing else will happen to split the family, but with out luck, there will be SOMETHING.
I never asked to be infertile. I never asked to go down this path. But you better bet these past two plus years have not been easy and I will be damned if someone will ignore that because I am in my early 20s, and not married, and only been trying 2 years (which by the way, wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't so young apparently) that I can't grieve for my child I am fighting so fucking hard for.