Is it time for a new chapter in my life? I am pondering the thought a bit.
We currently live with my Mom. Orginally it was to save for the treatments or adoption. (Also to save her ass from a bad gambling addiction.) But my brother is moving out in September and my Sister and neice are coming back home in two weeks. My Mom, whom I love dearly, is severly depressed and has been for awhile. I'm not sure I have ever seen her happy, truly happy. She's the most negative person in the world. She doesn't see the good things that happen to her. Never.
Before M moved out here (for good) there was never a day she didn't call me a "Bitch" or "Worthless" or something worse. It really put a damper, to say the least, on who I was. Like any relationship, we have had our moments since M has been here but she hasn't really stepped over her boundaires. Today however she really kind of pushed her luck. She said a few hurtful things about M to me telling me she hoped he would leave me and that she would try her damnest to make sure we didn't get married. This all started because I told her we were looking at apartments and thinking about moving out within the next few weeks/months. The last thing she said before I left the room was "I hope you both move out soon and I hope you both drop dead."
I have done everything for her and my brother and sister. I have fought with M about money issues to help them. I have spent nearly $1,000 over the past few months getting ready for my sister's baby. I have spent every last dime in savings (a few thousand) to help my mom save the house because she won't stop gambling. I just gave my brother a few hundred dollars to pay for his DUI. Why do I do this? Time and time again they show their true selfs and I start kicking myself thinking, Why?! They will never change. My mom will never stop gambling. She will never love me like she does my brother and sister despite the uncountable amounts of time/money/effort I have done for her over the past 5-7 years. My brother will one day grow up, I just know he has it in him. My sister, I'm not so sure. She's only 18 so there is still hope. I hope she wakes up and realizes what's best for her and the baby.
I have decided I have got to start building My Life, M's Life, Our Life Together. We have it narrowed down to two apartments. After work tomorrow we will check out the first one again. I'm tired of helping people who won't help themselves. I don't know if my Mom will ever talk to me again when I move out, and no, Im not over reacting. She has cut herself from her side of the family over stupid shit, she won't think twice about a daughter who she doesn't give two winks about.
Pray these next few weeks will go smoothly.
Dare I say this...
What is meant to be, is meant to be.
On another note..
Only a week or so until babyfest again..