I Hate Being Fat!

Okay, So I am not obese, but damn it I am fat (under 140, but only 5ft tall) and I hate it! I love food. I love it. Absolutely LOVE it. I can't control myself. I know it's messing my hormones up by eating this crap but I just can't say no. Today I started out great, had a bagel for breakfast and light yogurt for 9 am snack. A drug rep brought by donuts at 10:30, so of course I had to have one, chocolate, please! Lunch came and it was BBQ, a southern gals to-die-for meal. Yum. I had chicken and beans (no roll, I'm being good!) Then at 2 I went to go get my snack, another light yogurt, but ohhh the fudge brownie screamed my name. How dare I resist it! I had a brownie instead. I came home and was dying of hunger and ate chex mix. I went to my friends house, she ordered pizza, I had two slices. Oh damn it why did I do that? I didn't even ride my bike today. I was good and had 64oz of crystal light, and one diet cherry vanilla diet dr pepper. I just don't have the will power. I am so upset with my body that I just don't give a shit.

Tomorrow is another day, another day I try to vow to do better. Matt on the other hand has lost over 75 lbs since Oct 1st. Congrats to him. He had it to lose. I just need to get 10, 15, maybe, maaaybe 20lbs to lose. Sigh. Why can't I fucking just do the damn thing?

Today is cd 106. I need to call the doctor. I don't like her though so I am not sure I want to go see her. Maybe I should just see one of our doctors to see what I can do and save money/time. We aren't going the infertility treatment route right now. Not the right time finicially or otherwise.

Fuckity Fuckity Fuckity Fuck.

Go ahead, say it, five times, realllllly fast!

Good job.