Happy Halloween

Today I took a pregnancy test. BFN. I am okay with it. Just wish my cycle would come to an end. CD44 and counting. I go tomorrow for a test at drs. If neg then we will jump start the bitch on 11/14

Work was lovely, no bitching! But I did notice they already have another person in my spot back in Medical Records..too funny! I also had two doctors beg me to go back to MR today...If they got the manager lady out, I would do it!! As I was leaving the BIG boss I noticed had both of those doctors in meetings so I am wondering what will happen in the morning. Hmm.

Five years ago today my grandfather passed away, God Rest Him. We miss you.

Late Night Lurking

Well I am late night lurking at other blogs in between commercials and Tuckerville (yeah yeah, Im southern, shoot me!) on TLC.

I came across Twirl's post of hers called Copy, Paste, Answer and Add One Of Your Own

so...I am!

1. smoked a cigar - no
2. crashed a friend's car - no
3. stolen a car - no
4. been in love - yes
5. been dumped - no
6. dumped someone - yes
7. taken shots of alcohol - no
8. been fired - no
9. been in a fist fight - yes
10. snuck out of a/your house - no
11. had feelings for someone who didn't have them back- yes
12. been arrested - no
13. made out with a stranger - yes
14. gone on a blind date - yes
15. lied to a friend - yes
16. had a crush on a teacher- no
18. seen someone die - yes
19. been on a plane - no
20. thrown up in a bar - no
22. miss someone right now - yes
23. laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by - yes
24. made a snow angel - yes
25. played dress up - yes
26. cheated while playing a game - yes
27. been lonely - yes
28. fallen asleep at work/school - yes
29. used a fake id - no
30. felt an earthquake - no
31. touched a snake - yes
32. run a red light - no
33. had detention - no
34. been in a car accident - yes
35. hated the way you look - yes
37. been lost - yes
38. been to the opposite side of the country - no
39. felt like dying - yes
40. cried yourself to sleep - yes
41. played cops and robbers - yes
42. karaoke - yes
43. done something you told yourself you wouldn't - yes
44. laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose- yes
45. caught a snowflake on your tongue - yes
46. kissed in the rain - no
47. sang in the shower - yes
48. made love in a park - no
49. had a dream that you married someone - no
50. glued your hand to something - no
51. got your tongue stuck to a flag pole - no
52. worn the opposite sex's clothes - no
53. Been a cheerleader - no
54. sat on a roof top - no
55. talked on the phone all night - yes
56. ever too scared to watch scary movies alone - yes
57. played chicken fight - no
58. been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on - no
59. been told you're hot by a complete stranger - no
60. broken a bone - no (thats the ONLY medical problem I HAVEN'T had!)
61. had a 3-some? - no
62. dipped snuff? - no
63. lived overseas - no
64. ever passed out/fainted? - yes
65. blown bubbles in the wintertime - no
66. driven cross country? - no
67. gone to sleep while talking on the phone? yes

Fall Back, Spring Forward

Don't forget to rewind the clocks back one hour tonight!

Better, But Boring!

Well today was a better day at work, but oh my goodness so damn boring!! I sat at checkout waiting for patients to check out. Wow. Such a busy job. Not. Of course the doctor doesn't remember it's FRIDAY! and that people may want to LEAVE. So he keeps his last patient until 5:25 DESPITE the fact the patient had a 3:15appt!!! Oh well. I got out of there and not a moment too soon. Goodbye Week. Hello Weekend!

Bad Day

Ugh today was just a bad day at work..The other girl forgot to tell me a few things before she left and I ended up getting talked to by the boss..he wasn't mad or upset and he even came to me twice afterwards to let me know he knows Im doing a good job and he understands it's not my fault. I am just so fucking hard on myself. Ugh! I wish I could just let go. Hopefully tomorrow is better. Calgon take me away, PLEASE.

This is going to be an early night for sure.

Two New Jobs In One Week..Yikes!!

Today was my third day working the phones. Tomorrow I will work 1/2 day at phones and 1/2 day at checkout. Friday I will work all day at checkout. Monday I *think* I offically begin working fulltime at the phones. Yey!! I have been really nervous these past few days working these two jobs, I just trained for them starting this week so I am hoping I haven't done too many BIG mistakes :-( We shall see though.

Happy Birthday Little Man!!

Three years ago today my best friend had her son. I watched him for almost a year right after he was born while I was still watching kids from home, I see him every day or at least every other day. It's so sad, bittersweet if you will. I got him an automatic bubble blower and a bubble refill set. He had so much fun with them. :-) He is my little man. I can hardly believe he just turned 3. Such a big boy. No longer a toddler.

May I Help You?

I started my new job today. I was working medical records at my aunts doctors office but the manager lady over medical records is a total bitch and racist and I was begining to get anxiety and more stress in my life just from being around her all day. So I talked with my boss and he informed me of a possible phone operating position, so I jumped on it. I started training today and I suspect I will take the other girl's position fulltime next week. I really enjoy it. I am still in the same room with the other manager lady but she has no control over me and can't say anything about what I do or don't do. I smiled today, quite a few times. It felt wonderful. I can't wait until I am doing it fulltime.

Calgon has taken me away, breifly.

Buy Lean Cuisines & Get Free Cookie Dough!

Okay, we have been on our diet now for three weeks and doing pretty good. I saw a Kroger ad in the paper that had the Lean Cuisines on sale for 33% off. So we went Friday after work. I noticed a little sticker on the freezer door saying "Buy 8 Lean Cuisines and receieve any 2 packages of Toll House cookie dough of your choice for FREE". What in the hell is their thinking on that? I also had coupons for $1.00 off for every 5 Lean Cuisnies I bought. So I got 25 Lean Cuisine meals and 6 free packages of cookie dough. I put the cookie dough into the freezer and will bake them next weekend to take to work for halloween. It makes me wonder how many people will buy the lean cuisines and eat the cookies too. Yikes!

I have will power though. :-P

Dear Mrs.Infertility

re: Buying New Clothes

I am writting you today to inform you that you will no longer stop me from buying new clothes because you trick me into thinking I will be pregnant this cycle and wasting my money.

Today I went to Kohl's and bought myself 4 new shirts and a pair of jeans that look damn good on me!

You may control most of my life, but this is one thing I want back.

Thank you very much for letting go. Maybe one day I will be my old self again.

Sincerly,
Me

Scale Scale, Big Fat Scale, How Much Do I Weigh Today?!

I have lost another pound bringing the total weight loss to 1lb per week equaling 3 pounds so far!

Matt on the other hand, has gained 2 pounds back. Making his total weight loss at 8 pounds.

I keep trying to explain to him its because hes not eating enough and that if he wants to lose weight he's got to eat every 2-3 hours..not twice a day. But I am a dumbass skinny girl who doesn't know shit..so he won't listen. Whatever.

Anyways, I am happy with my weight loss so far and will start crunches in my work out this week. I am hoping to tone my belly up some before we go on vacation in a few weeks.

Relaxed & Calm - Now Let's Stay That Way!

This morning I woke up refreshed and ready to face the world. I went to work, ate my usual banana and light yogurt as soon as I got in. I pulled the charts for the left over fee tickets in less than 30 mins (it some times takes over 2 hours). But I really didn't feel like working under L and listening to her nagging and bitching. Since my boss is off, one of my coworkers K told me to go to K and ask her if I could work with the other girl who needed to get caught up. So I did. She said "Go Right Ahead!" Yee Haw! The day passed by pretty fast as I just contacted patients, copied their medical records, and mailed them off. But I got the other girl caught up by 4:45. The day went by wonderfuly unstressed. I even came home and biked 2.5 miles in 30 min! And better yet, I even worked on my website!!

Tomorrow I weigh in again, I hope I've lost some more weight.

I also hope that L backs off of me tomorrow as I will probably have to work under her again.

Just One More Day.


Monday I start my new position.

Washing Away The Emotions

Tonight while taking my shower I felt so relaxed like the water was just taking things off of my body and going down into the drain. I feel relaxed a little bit right now and I am calm. I am currently on CD32 and I will give her another week before I will think about testing. I really have no feelings about this particular cycle failing or not. I don't think it will and I don't think it won't. It's in God's hands. We are busy planning a trip to see Matt's dad in Oklahoma in a few weeks so I am getting excited and I am about to switch positions at my job. So my mind is busy with those things so I am trying not to think about it too much as hard as it can be.

Real Life Friend

I was having a really rough night tonight and couldn't control my emotions too well..Matt and I got into a huge fight and instead of sitting and bottling it up I went to her house and was talking to her about things. I finally told her about us trying to get pregnant. She was supportive and I am glad I finally told her. I hope she keeps it a secret!!! But at least now I will have someone close I can try to go to. Although she's got tons of other issues of her own so I am sure she doesn't want to hear mine on a daily basis. But, that is why I have a blog and an internet group that I can release my ramblings upon. :-)

Cramping But Laughing!

Well I am cramping and it fucking sucks!!! I have no clue why, AF isnt due until at least Friday or so?! Grrrrrrrrr At any rate, it's not helping my shitty Monday.

Well for a good laugh, check out the Rat Monster for a good fucking laugh. :-)

On to Tuesday. Hmpf!

Professional Pictures

Well we are getting our pictures done professionally in two weeks. I can not wait!! We haven't had a picture done together professionally ever. It's at a lady's house, she takes three rolls of film, two color, and one in black and white. She did this for my best friend and they really turned out cute! If they are really cute for us, I may actually post one! Yikes, Run for your life!!

Something Nice

I tried to do something nice, grandma wanted me to mow her yard. So after an hour of Matt bitching and moaning, we got into the car and headed for the 45 min drive (that took over an hour thanks to the dumbass interstates construction folks who are working on a SATURDAY!!) we finally arrived. I ate my lunch and then decided it was time to start. The deal was, he edged, I mowed. Simple enough right? Wrong. I tried to start the all mighty lawnmower and couldn't after an hour of listening to Matt tell me to shut the fuck up and do it myself. (He was saying it while trying to get it started too.) I finally gave in fearing the preacher next door working in his garage might here us fussing at each other. I put the stupid lawn mower into the garage and we headed home. (Sooners were playing in an hour, and we WON!!) Ugh! I *TRY* to do something nice and I can't even do THAT!

Brother said he would head over there tomorrow and see if he can get it to work. I hope so. Maybe *he* can do something nice!

T.G.I.F. Baby!!

Wow, today I woke up feeling like a weight had been lifted off of me. I can't explain it, perhaps it's the exercising and healthier lifestyle change we have made. What ever it was, it's awesome.

I weighed myself this morning and I have lost another pound. Matt weighed this afternoon and he has lost 10lbs!

Our lifestyle change started October 1st, 2005..

Started - Current - Goal
Me: 138 - 136 - 120ish?
Him: 287 - 277 - 160

I'm not pregnant, no way we would be this month (sex 2-3 days before O and only once) so I know that's not it, whatever it is, I am lovin it!

If She Gets 16 I At Least Fucking Get ONE!

She

Forgot To Ask....DOI!

We are going to Matt's Dad's house for Thanksgiving (Gobble Gobble!). He lives 8 hours away in the middle of no fucking where. I hate his town I am such a city girl!! Oh well, I suffer it twice a year. Well we are planning it, saving money for the high gas prices (currently $2.74 @ Sam's Club) We called his dad last night, talking about his birthday coming up etc.. Then it dawned on me.. We haven't even asked him if he's OFF! OF COURSE! He's NOT. Arg so I suffering through all this driving to see his dad come home after 11pm every night we are there! GGRRR!! If your going to plan a trip out of town don't forget to ask if they are going to be off. Hmpf!

Why Does Canada Have Thanksgiving?

I've never thought about it until my coworker asked me why Canada had a Thanksgiving Day. She always finds ways to ask me odd questions and I usually get them on cue, but this time, I was stumped! I am an American, clueless to the outside culture! After promising my co-worker I would google it, I found my answer! (I [heart] Google!) So, Incase someone ever asks you, stand strong, and be prepared!

Annie's Answer


Oh yeah, want to hear something funny? Walk up to someone and ask them why Canada has a Thanksgiving. I got many a' wonderful comments.

One of the nurse practioner's won with the response "Maybe the Pilgrams went to Canada first then came on down to America"


****DING DING DING DING********* WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feeling ...Lighter!

Well I wasn't going to weigh myself until Friday but this morning I said what the hell. I put my 32oz jug of water, light yogurt, banana, purse, and lab coat onto the chairs and took off my shoes, stepped up to the almighty scale..and VOILA! I have lost 1 lb in a week!! Might not sound like much but I am trying my best and had a few slips! Maybe next Monday I will have done even better!!

Currently my diet consist of
Breakfast-Light Yogurt & a Banana
AM Snack- 100 calorie pack wheat thins & 1 slice reduced fat cheese
Lunch- Lean Cuisine, Light Yogurt, 1/2 vegatable
PM Snack- either 100 calorie pack oreo thins or a sugar free pudding
Dinner- Lean Cuisine, 1/2 veggie, light yogurt, sugar free pudding

I also drink 32oz of water before 12, a 16oz diet soda for lunch, and at least 32oz of water after the soda.

We also go bike riding for 30 mins in the afternoons after work.

It's really paying off!! :-)

Only 17ish lbs to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emotional

This week has been one full of emotions. I am not sure what brought it on or if it was a combination of a few things. Could it be that we hit the 15mth mark of us trying? Could it have been the coworkers pregnancy drive by? Could it be the that Matt's weight may be hampering us from conceiving? Could it be none of the above? Could it be ALL of the above? I guess there is no for sure answer. I just know I have been an emotional basket case. I am tired of the ups and downs of trying to concieve. I am tired of the lack of support from Matt in my feelings of us not trying. He assumes because his parents tried 15 years that they eventually got pregnant and that we will too. I just want a hug at the end of the day that no matter what, everythings going to be okay. I don't know what the future holds for me. I don't know if I ever will be a mother, I don't know if I will luck up and be a mom to as many kids as I want. I just don't know. And it's killing me inside. Until I obtain my goal of motherhood, I forever will have a hole in my heart that makes it incomplete. How much more can *I* handle?

God, if you are listening, You are getting close.

Dead Like Me

My aunt got me Dead Like Me on dvd for my birthday. No clue why she bought me the season 1 on dvd. I have never in my life ever even heard of the show! I watched a few episodes though, it's pretty good! Since we have a subscription to netflix, I noticed the 2nd season came out, so I got it. Going to burn the dvds until we finish watching the rest of season one before we embark on the second season. I have no clue what channel it even comes on normally. I might actually make a habit of watching it if I knew!

Caught Up

As the week ends and a new week begins I am offically caught up at work. All my labs have been found with the exception of one. Go figure! I hope the other girl who works the clinic next week doesn't get me behind again, but no doubt, she will. She's an idiot.

Broken Trunk

Someone broke into our trunk last night. I am so pissed! Why in the HELL would you break into my trunk?!?!? They didn't even get IN! They just tore a lovely ole slice into it. Turns out, a neighbor about 10 doors down, has the same exact car, with a lovely annoying stero system. THANKS JACK ASS! On a good day all that would have been in my trunk would be a evenflo stroller..on a bad day..boxes for packing.

Jerks.

Biking Away The Fat

Well we did it, finally decided to get two bikes tonight. We went and rode them as soon as we got home. It was fun. I hope we can stick with our healthy lifestyle change and this will help with the exercise. My mom asked us why we decided to get bikes NOW instead of waiting until spring? Ah, oh well. No time like the present!

Slap In The Face

A coworker I have confided in a few weeks ago about us trying found out she is expecting. Not only is she expecting, she got prengnant accidently by a guy she wasn't even going steady with. Why? Oh WHY? Another one! It's a total slap in the face. :-( I don't know how I am going to manage avoiding a pregnant coworker for nine months. Dear God give me the patience to deal with it. Amen.

10 yrs!!

I was pulling a chart today and I just happened to glance down at the name and it was MY COUSIN! I haven't seen her in probably 10 years! It was so good to see her. We talked for a few minutes and hugged goodbye. I got her number so we will have to get together soon. We're all growing up!! LOL She's on my dad's side so that's why we haven't seen each other in so long. I'm not close to my dad. Long story. I will save it for another day. :-)

Hopeful & Hopeless

I am in a group of women who are also dealing with the same infertility crap as I am. Everything seems so hopeful for a few of them lately. I really hope it works for them. I really am hopeful that it will for them and sooner than later.

On the flip side..I really don't see myself being pregnant in the next year or so. Something's just telling me that.

Only time will tell. Hoping it's good news for them though. :-) They deserve it!

$84

We spent $84 on Lean Cuisines ...geesh!

Hope we lose some weight..it's so not cheap to eat healthy!!!!

I...have 20ish pounds to lose....

He....has 127lbs to lose....

Hmpf